Sorting Myself Out

I need to do that thing where I sort out my priorities and budget my time again.

I know, I know.  I've done it before and it's always helped, but somehow I can't manage to stick to it for any length of time. Which is all on me, of course.  It works well for me, I just need to work on my sticktoitiveness.

But with the reviews, and the writing, and the yarning, and all the little things in my life I need to get done, things are crashing in again and falling by the wayside, and I need a little structure.  Sis says I need someone to tell me what to do, and she's probably right, but I'm the one who has to tell me what to do, so I need to get on that.

So with my coffee this morning, I'm writing out all the things that I need/want to accomplish and then figuring out when they need to get done by, and sorting out my list.  Of course, I have to take into account how plans never go according to, well, plan, and I'll need a little cushion.  And one of the important things I need to remember to schedule is downtime.  Because without it, I go nuts.  There has to be some time in there when I do whatever I'm feeling like doing, or else I really go off the deep end.   

But I just might go there anyway if I don't get myself sorted out.

Early Nap

I was up before six this morning.  Wide awake, staring at the ceiling, ready to start my day.  Oh I tried to roll over and sleep some more, but it just wasn't happening.  That's what I get for going to sleep at nine thirty last night.

God, I'm boring.

Anyway, I got out of bed and got my coffee.  I futzed around a bit on the web, and then got to work.  I've made some really good progress on some things I'm working on.  Actually managed to write a synopsis for my WIP.  One step closer to being done.  A few more tweaks and edits on the MS itself, and then....then I have to get up the guts to submit it somewhere.  Soon.  

But now I'm sleepy, and I've only been up for four hours.  I think my nap will happen earlier than usual today.  I want to finish the bit I'm working on, and then I'll crawl back into bed for a couple of hours.  

I want to point out that this is actually working too.  Because in those moments as I'm not really awake, but not quite asleep yet...those moments are when I do some of my best thinking.  The characters like to show me scenes then.   I'll replay them while I drift off, and then when I wake up, I'm usually in a good place to write. 

This one is almost done, and I have a bit of an idea for the next one.  I'm letting that one percolate some more.  I'm missing some details I need to work out before I try to get it on the page.  

But the end for my current boys is nigh.  I can feel it.  And I'm getting anxious.  Both to have the completed project, and because I have to let them go. They've only been living in my head for a few months, but they are mine and so that's tough.  

But after I finish this part I'm working on, and then a nap, I'm going to sit down with TV and yarn.  And that, right there, will be good.  

4th of July

What are you doing for the fourth?

I think I've heard that question about seventy million times over the past week.  It seems like that's what everyone wants to know.  And when I answer honestly--reading a book and having lunch with the BFF followed by chill time--they stare at me like I'm crazy.

No, I'm not barbecuing.  No, I'm not going to the lake.  No, I have no intention of going to a fireworks display.  

Yes, it's the celebration of the declaration of independence.  Let me be independent and do my own thing.

So in this case, I'm mostly just looking forward to having the day off from work so that I can get some much needed hang time with the awesome BFF.  I don't need any more than that.  I don't have a particular hankering for grilled meat products and the sun and I don't get along at all.  Why would I do something I don't enjoy just because that's what everyone else is doing?  Doesn't make sense to me.  

So that's what I'm doing today.  Lunch out, hanging out, enjoying the relaxing time.

But if you're celebrating, I wish you a lovely holiday.  

Feeling A Little Lost

It feels like there's been a lot going on in my life, but when I look back on it...well, not so much.  So I think that I'm going to have to chalk it up to feeling a little lost.  And now that I'm aware of it, I need to get it back on track, right?

Not this upcoming weekend, but the one after that, there's a road trip.  Nephew is finally getting christened.  And as much as I adore that adorable little bug--he really does have the best smile on the face of the planet--I'm not looking forward to that trip at all.  That's part of the unsettled feeling I'm having, I think.  Because, if I'm being starkly honest, I don't do well when my routine is upset.  Traveling, spending the night in a hotel, being surrounded by a fuckton of strangers...yeah, this is not ideal for me.

To combat the lost and the unsettled, I've come up with a list of things that I intend to work on:

--I need to get the yarn out again.  A few weeks ago, I put together the squares on that lapghan and I started working on the border, but now that it's all together, it's too hot on my lap to work on.  So that's siting on the back of my futon so I don't forget it, but it's not getting worked on right now.  Other than that, there is very little that I've done.  Yarning grounds me, and I need some grounding, so, there will be yarning in my near future.

--I have a short story brewing in my head, and I'd like to get it done in time to submit it for a sub call.  I very much intend to try.  But at the same time, I'm not getting myself all worked up about it if I don't.  There's not much time, and I haven't actually started it beyond a few sentences, but I think that I can do it.  

--I've been reading a lot, and some of it has been to review.  I'm really having a great time doing that.  It's a bit of a challenge, and sometimes I have to remind myself to be a bit more objective, but it's fun.  And the crew over at Joyfully Jay is pretty fantastic.  Plus, I'm not going to lie, free books are awesome.  That being said, I need to manage my time a little bit better there, so that's why this is on the list.  Manage my reading and reviewing time better.

All in all though, things have been pretty okay.  There are some dark days and some gray moment.  They are a little more frequent than they've been in the past.  Hence the feeling a little lost.  But now that I've recognized the issue, I can work on making it better for me.

Relaxing

Sometimes there's nothing better than lying on the couch and watching TV.  And doing nothing else but actually watching.

I don't do enough of it.  I actually don't watch that much TV at all.  And when I do turn it on, I usually put in a movie or a show that I've seen dozens of times, because I want something to engage only part of my brain while I yarn.  But on Sunday, and again last night, I just put on one of those shows I've seen a lot--but haven't watched in a good long while--and actually just watched.  Vegged out, laid back, and just watched.

It was really kind of awesome.  And I've been enjoying the crap out of it.  In fact, I think I might do it again tonight.  No words, no yarn, just relaxing.  I think I deserve it a little bit.  

Lazy Weekend

Happy March everybody!

I had me a fairly lazy weekend.  I did get conscripted to some impromptu babysitting while kind of wrecked my plans (of course).  And I was a bit upset by that for a while.  And two-year-old would not take his nap, which is strange because he's usually really, really good about that.  Of course, when Sis took over again, he fell asleep in five minutes.  Don't know why he was fighting it so hard for me!

But, pretty much, it was a lazy weekend.  I took a nap on both days (seriously one of my guiltiest pleasures) and read some books.  I watched a couple of movies.  I wrote a little.  Drank tea.  I didn't yarn.

It snowed some more and I just grumbled at the sky.  Usually, winter doesn't affect me so much, but this year, right now, I'm over it.  I don't even need it to warm up so much as for it to stop dumping snow on us.  Guess it's my own fault for living in one of the snowiest cities in the US.  Last I heard, we came in at number 20.  I suppose that means there are 19 places in the country that have it worse than I do.  

But I'm ready for longer days and no snow. I'm ready for it to consistently be in the the 30s and 40s.  I'm ready to not have to wear socks to bed...only to lose them in my sleep. :)

But it's March, and that means hope is on the horizon.  We'll probably get snow on and off for at least the next month, but the end is in sight.  And then it'll just be rain to deal with.  I like rain.  I like the way it sounds and smells.  And you sure as hell don't have to shovel it!

It's still winter, but spring is coming.  I'm not the most patient of people, but there's nothing I can do but wait.  Hopefully, I won't have to wait too long!

Time Travel

Sis and I are headed off to the (fictional) village of Warwick, England circa 1585, at the Sterling Renaissance Festival

It's going to be a good time.  I always have a splendid visit.  It'll be nice to see some of the acts that I love to watch, and meander around the hillside, looking at all the wares for sale.  Queen Elizabeth will grace us with her presence for the parade.  It's Fantasy Weekend, which means anything goes, and that's always fun and interesting.  Oh, plus, you know, I get to wear a pretty dress.  Sometimes, I'm a girl like that.

See you when I return to the present!

To Hell With It

I'm making plans.  I don't care that they've, recently, all fallen apart.  I'm making them anyway.

Part of the anxiety issues I have is from the not knowing.  I need to know what to expect.  I need to know what I'll be doing and I need to know how people will react.  It's when those things are unclear that I have issues.  

So, it's Friday and the weekend is looming and I'm making plans.  

I'm going to work on that modular knitting thing I mentioned and see if I like it.  It seems easy enough and I know I'll either absolutely love it or absolutely loathe it.  There will be no in between.

I'm going to lay in bed and watch a movie while doing nothing else.  Usually, I multitask; write or knit or crochet.  But I'm going to use it as and opportunity to destress, give the movie my full attention and just chill.

I'm going to take a nap because that is one of my supreme guilty pleasures and last weekend, I hardly napped at all.  I'm not sure how that happened, but I feel deprived because of it.

And I'm going to take some time to just be; quiet, still, just be me alone with my thoughts.

I feel much better than I have over the last couple of days and I'm going to do my damnedest to keep that going.

Shindig, Breakfast, and Movie

I am a devout Whedonite.  Joss Whedon is my master.  

He created this show that aired ten years ago that got shafted by the network it aired on but developed a hardcore cult following.  I'm talking, of course, about Firefly.  Amazing show.  Yesterday, we had a shindig.  Essentially, we had us a little party, ate some good food, and watched episodes of Firefly.  It was awesome.

Today, no work.  Instead, the BFF and I are having one of our days.  We're going to breakfast at our place (yeah, we have a diner we go to and adore) and have our favorite breakfasts.  And then we're gonna hit the cinema and see Oz The Great and Powerful.

Even as happy as I am to have a day to destress and just hang out with the BFF, I'm already antsy about going to work tomorrow.  I'm trying very hard to not let the work thing stress me out at all, because I do like the job and the people I work with, and I suppose that on the one hand it's good I'm making a point to really pay attention to what I'm doing.  But on the other hand, it makes those eight hours tough.  

So, I'm going to do my damnedest just to enjoy the day.  Nothing better than a little playtime with my beautiful BFF.

Karmic Cycle

Lately, I've noticed that all the good stuff that's been happening is followed by some bad stuff.  Of course, the reverse is also true.  If there's bad stuff, it's followed by good stuff.  

There were a couple of really good things going on for me and then, even though they didn't unhappen, when I was emotionally high and feeling good, somebody said something to me that brought me way down.

I had a rough day at work today.  I don't want to go into the detail because I'm trying to let it go.  But, emotionally, it was tough.  I agreed with what was happening, but it's hard for me to hear some of the things I was hearing.  I didn't feel like eating lunch, though I managed a few bites, so by the time I got back home, I was a little shaky and hungry, on top of being emotionally drained.  But following with the up and down theme, I got home to a sneak attack package.  I knew it was coming but I didn't expect to receive it until next week sometime.  It was a very pleasant surprise!

I'm a big believer in karma in general.  And I believe that the good thing/bad thing cycle is a part of that.  Its just that, when I'm down (especially over an extended period) it's hard to remember that good things will bring me back up.  And when I'm feeling good, its doubly hard to remember that things will and can bring me down.  

But my surprise package today is an excellent reminder that when bad stuff happens, good stuff happens too. 

**As a side note, Toby's coming over tonight and, even though I don't have the mitts finished, I'll have him try on the one that I do have finished.  I'm suddenly terrible nervous that it won't fit!