Being Me

So you may have noticed that I haven't been around in a bit.

I meant to post.  I really did.  But, you know, I didn't.  So there's no excuse for that, not really.  I just...haven't.

Anyway!  To fill you in on what's been going on...

Went to the BFF's new place last Friday, and I made her dinner and we also baked cookies. The oven was a little bit possessed and there was a bit of cookie burnage, but we managed to own that bitch and 96% of the cookies were full of awesome. It's just a cute little place, and it feels like her.  It's nice, and I fucking love her back door (get your mind out of the gutter, people!  lol)  Her kitty, Cersei, attacked the crap out of me.  It was so damn cute I don't even have words.  My hand was all chewed up, but I forgave her.  But it was awesome to have BFF time.  And I really loved giving her prezzies, one of which was her very own bob!

I had two days off this week and it was...not all it was cracked up to be.  Unfortunately.  Monday, I woke up with a migraine, and they suck donkey balls, and I was extra super pissed because it was a day I already had the day off of work.  At any rate, pills, and coffee, and unfortunately a little bit getting sick, took care of that, and the afternoon was mine. 

Tuesday I got bad news (and I was very sad), followed immediately by good news.  And also the Flash Fic Holiday Blog Hop sign up went live!  It's super exciting.  We've had quite a few sign ups so far, and I'm just thrilled about that.  And I really, really can't wait to see all the different stories that people come up with.  I think it's going to be so fun to see what's the same and what's different.  So Tuesday was just a roller coaster of emotion, and that made me tired.  It was mostly good, though.  

I've been yarning a bit.  I wanted to get the mitts done BEFORE I went to the BFF's but, yeah, that didn't happen.  But now I'm nearly done, so she really will have them in time for winter.  Her birthday present on the other hand?  Nowhere near done.  And since her birthday is like, in less than three weeks, well...let's put it this way.  I already told her it might be late.  She loves me so it'll be forgiven.  But I still really fucking love it, and she will too.  

And so, yeah, that's pretty much it.  Work is still work.  I've been writing, and reading, and yarning.  So basically, I've just been being me.  There were some low points, and I was really low, but mostly it was good.  

And  now it's Friday night, and I'm chilling and happy.  And I'm about to make tea.  And enjoy the holy hell out of my weekend.  

Whole Lotta Hurt

I've got a lot of hurt and anger swirling around inside.  And every time I think I'm over it, something happens to bring it up again.  Every time I think I've got a handle on it, I find out that I really, really don't.

You see, we're a really close knit family.  (no pun on the knit thing intended)  We always have been.  And I know that I've very lucky.  I know that not everyone has the unconditional support that I do.  So the blow of this is even more hurtful.

I'm not going to go into detail.  There's really no point in that.  But I will say that one of my family members is acting in an oblivious and hurtful way.  That person can't see that it's hurtful.  And that person can't hear us when we try to talk about it.

Right now, I'm at a loss as how to resolve it.  I don't know how to make myself feel better and I don't know how to get over it.  

Right now, I'm hurt.  And I'm angry.  Nothing I seem to do, say, or think is helping.  Not for me.  Not for other members of my family.  I don't know what to do. But I do know that something needs to give or the hurt and anger are just going to keep on festering.  

Yarn and Hurtful Words

Let's see, let's see...

For my shawl, I decided to go with a rectangular shape so it can be like a wrap or a lapghan.  I've only got a few inches done so far. I now have to decide a couple of things.  I did the math very carefully, but we all know I'm mathily challenged.  It actually worked out correctly for once!  But I'm still not sure it's wide enough.  So before I go any further, I have to decide if it is.  And if it's not, then I have to frog it and put on more stitches.  But that aside, I have to also decide on stripey patterns, and stitch patterns.  As it is right now, I started with a seed stitch.  I did this because it's completely reversible and has a fun texture.  But now my brain is thinking of all sorts of other things to do.  Especially ways to incorporate the two colors.  I think it's going to take a bit more thinking before I decide completely.  Unless I decide to change the stitch count, I can do any of the things I'm thinking from where it is right now.  So decisions to make.  But good Lord, do I love that yarn!

I've only got a couple of inches done on the mitts.

Last night, I got really, completely, overly upset about something someone said.  As I think on it now, I'm sure it wasn't meant in the manner in which I took it.  I think it was supposed to be playful.  But it sure as hell didn't feel like that to me, and it hurt.  There are things that are important to me, that matter to me a great deal, and I find that there are some people in my life who don't seem to care.  Who are dismissive.  I'm certain they don't intend to be mean.  But it hurts, and I'm having trouble getting over it.  

Let me just say this: I talk about yarning and writing because it is a huge part of my identity and who I am.  I'm a creative person, and those are my outlets for that creativity. It's important to me.  It is a big deal.  And I shouldn't be made to feel like it's a lesser thing than someone else's thing.  

If you want support from me, I don't think it's too much to ask that you support me back.  That's all I'm saying.

Anyway, so I don't end on sad note, let me add that otherwise, things are content and happy for me.  And I'm really enjoying the hell out of my yarn.  :)