Once Upon a Time..

...when I was a little girl, I was an extroverted little thing.  I had to be the center of attention.  I had to be up in everyone's business and I absolutely had to be around people.

I don't know what happened to change all that.

Mom says I went away to college and came home an introvert.  I say that I am actually a misanthrope.  No one seems to agree with me on that which I guess is a good thing.  And, if truth be told, I don't actually hate people.  They just drive me crazy sometimes and I'd rather be holed up so I don't have to deal with them.  

The point of this diatribe?  I've done nothing for more than a week except go to work (which is necessary) and watch a marathon of all five seasons of Queer as Folk (because once I started, I couldn't stop until they were done).  I have not yarned in any capacity.  I have not written a word in ten days.  And I'm perfectly happy with that life.  Who needs to be out in the real world when the drama of made up television (or books) is so much better?!

But a funny thing happened today while I was at work.  My brain was mostly engaged with the job at hand, which it should be, except for the small part of if that never ever shuts off the creativity. The part that is always working on stories or projects and never lets me have a minutes rest.  That part of my brain decided to create a brand new character and shove him into the new world I am creating.  And suddenly I wasn't desperate to get home to watch the next episode of QaF, I was off in my created world and seeing scenes in my head of this dude's story.  And so now I have a whole new story to tell.  


Of course, that still means I'm living in the fictional world instead of the real one.  I'm still okay with that.  Because, my boys?  They are finding their true loves.  And I have to help them.

Call me Pavlov's Dog

Conditioning is a funny thing.  Sometimes, we don't even realize that we've been conditioned until long after the fact.  At my previous place of employment, I worked hard and did the job as well as I was able.  I was good.  But sometimes, the management...well, lets just say that something that is a small mistake and entirely due to the fact that I am human and humans make errors, would get blown out of proportion and it was like I killed a puppy and bathed in it's blood.  So after a while, if I found a mistake that I had done, even if I fixed it, I would get all sorts of worked up and queasy, dreading the moment that the boss found out about it.

I've been at the new job for two months now.  Everyone is great.  But when I make a mistake (because, once again, I'm HUMAN) I get the same sort of dread and queasy feeling.  They don't treat me like a puppy killer...sometimes, I get a frown or perhaps a stern word.  But nothing demeaning.  But I still react internally as if I'm going to be treated that way.

Just call me Pavlov's dog.  Except instead of salivating when I hear a bell ring, I get nauseous when I've made an error.

I'm working on it.

June is bustin' out all over!

When in the fuck did June happen?  I don't know where the hell I've been but seriously?  How is it June already?!

I have stuff to finish!  But am I working on it?  Oh no.  That would make sense and be logical.  Instead, I'm reading and watching TV and generally enjoying the hell out of my downtime without doing anything constructive.  The Wise One would tell me that its OK because everyone needs downtime.  She's right.  But the truth is...

The truth is, I'm a little burnt out.  I get this way every once in a while with the yarn.  Me and the yarn, we have to take a break.  Because otherwise we get terribly sick of each other and we wonder how we'll ever get back to common ground of a healthy relationship.  So, yeah.  I'm taking a break.  Except for the baby blanket that I'm working on during lunch, because I only get a half an hour which means I can do about two rows and put it away for 24 hours.  And it's just so sweet I can't help but love it!

I did manage to write another chapter in one book and a half a chapter in the other.  That happened Friday.  And afterwards I was plumb tuckered out.  So, I'm taking a break from that too.  

And because it's June and it's a little bit rainy and mostly warm, my garden is absolutely flourishing!  Last year's rose bush has started blooming with a vengeance.  It has no idea it's going to get hacked to shit when it's done growing for the season, just to keep it from getting completely out of control.  But the garden looks absolutely stunning and even though I need to weed, the petunia's and pansies are absolutely loving this weather and getting plumper and more beautiful by the day.  Sometimes, when I get home from work, I have to just stand and stare at it for a few minutes, marveling.  I think the beauty of flowers is why God created them in the first place!

Remembering...

My grandfather, Papa, served in WWII as a nurse.  Today we will visit his grave, put down some flags, and remember him as well as his service to the country.

My cousin is a Major in the Army.  Thankfully, this year he is stateside with his wife and daughter and not stationed abroad.  He's already done three tours, both in Iraq and Afghanistan.  We are blessed and grateful he is home and safe.  

Many more men and women have lost their limbs or lives in service to our country.  We remember them and thank them for their service.

People go on tirades that the war is wrong or that military personnel are mindless grunts who do only what they are told.  But none of that really matters.  These people fight for what they believe in, do a job that they are proud of, and do it all with honor.  Much can be learned from them if only we would take the time to study at their knee.

For those who have served, I thank you.

Yarrrn!

I'm sort of known for my t-shirts and hoodies.  I have many (a lot a lot) and they have sayings on them that people, when reading them, don't actually understand.  And I don't explain.  They read them and they scratch their heads and I just confirm that the saying is correct.  Most of them are sci fi themed or quotes from TV shows I love.  If anyone actually knew what was going on on my shirt front, they'd know I was a hardcore geek.  But they don't.  So I remain hidden because I don't choose to explain.  There are only so many times I can say that Hoth is an ice planet or that juggling geese could in fact be a recreational pastime.  

But today's shirt?  Today's shirt has a ball of yarn shaped like a skull with knitting needles stuck out of it reminiscent of the Jolly Roger.  Across the top, the proclamation YARRRN!

When anyone asks, I just tell them I'm a yarn pirate.

All About The Yarn

Today is all about the yarn.  I've committed myself.  I'm going to start with yarn shopping.  I know, I really shouldn't, but this gift card is starting to burn a hole in my pocket.  Besides, I do have Bunny's blanket to make.  And a baby blanket on order.  And since I'm going to knit the baby blanket, I found a super sweet pattern, I need to get started.  Lyse's afghan is still not finished, but it's close.  My goal is to finish that next weekend seeing as how because of Memorial Day, I get an extra day off.  

I've been working Sis's blanket at lunch time at work and the base of it is finally done.  So I need to just make the turtle parts and sew them on.  I need to get something new on the needles or hook to take to work with me.  I've been pretty remiss in the yarn department lately.  As I said the other day, I haven't felt much like doing anything at all.  And suddenly the itch has hit me and I'm dying to yarn.  So, shopping and then yarning while watching some murder mysteries.

Of course, now I just have to decide what I'm going to work on once I get home!

IDAHO

Today is International Day Against Homophobia.  


Discrimination, in any form, is despicable.  No one should be treated differently or badly or hatefully simply because of their sexual orientation.  Or race or religion or beliefs of any sort.

My request is simple:  Speak up!  If you see discrimination, step in, speak up, speak out.  The world can change, it will change, but it will only change a little at a time.  And only if we stop accepting intolerance.