I was at the bank yesterday and while in line, a stranger struck up a conversation with me. Normally, this would make me very uncomfortable. In the past, I would give the courtesy nod and make non committal responses, and then fake my cell phone ringing. But because I'm trying to change the things about me I do not like, I talked with this very nice lady who was just trying to pass the time.
It was nice. It wasn't anything invasive. We talked about the cup of coffee she was drinking (it wasn't very good) and about the hot weather we've been experiencing. And then it was her turn to walk up to the next available teller. I waited patiently for another window to open up.
It wasn't until I left the bank that I realized exactly what I had done. And I was proud of myself. And speaking of proud...
I've written most of a chapter. I'm still working on finishing it. Even though my goal was just to write 5 pages, I've written more and I am on a roll. Once I get that way, I can't stop until the muse lays off a little. So, I'm still writing and feeling very good about it.
I have not worked on Lyse's afghan. But I'm going to before the day is over. Soon I will either finish the chapter or the muse will give it up and then I can work on that.
All in all, it's been a good weekend.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
Helllloooooo Weekend!
I'm a fan of Fridays. I'm sure it doesn't really come as a surprise. A great many people like Fridays. And Fridays sometimes make the week bearable. Mom always says I shouldn't wish my life away, but I can't help but wait until Fridays.
I like my job a lot, but I don't love it. When it comes down to it, it's just a paycheck. And that's not a bad thing. I put in my eight hours and I work hard while I'm there and do the job to the best of my abilities. But sometimes, it's still Bored O'clock. And there is dealing with people. Now, I've mentioned before that I am an introvert in a lot of ways. Basically, I would rather spend time alone with the occasional interruption of people instead of the other way around. And when I do interact with others, I much prefer it to be on my terms. So, I wait and hope and wish for Friday at 5 so that I can retreat to my solitude.
That's probably while I enjoy reading and writing and working with yarn. Because at their core, they are solitary tasks. And being by myself, doing these things, this is the way that I decompress, de-stress from my day or worries or what have you. Whatever is bothering me goes away when I'm doing these things.
I'm working on changing some of the behavior that I find undesirable in myself. Essentially, I believe that I am a good person with very good qualities. But there are some things that I'm not happy about. I crave validation but I don't want to put myself out there to get it. I want to complete projects but I get apathetic about the outcome. I set goals and then become lazy and rationalize it when I don't meet them.
I plan on spending this weekend nurturing my need for solitude, but I've also set myself some small goals in attempt to get out of my comfort zone. I want to finish Lyse's afghan, but I'm afraid if I tell myself I will, I won't actually do it. Instead, I'm telling myself to simply finish the last round on the nine remaining squares. I want to write another chapter in my book, but instead, I will endeavor to complete at least five pages.
Baby steps, right?
I like my job a lot, but I don't love it. When it comes down to it, it's just a paycheck. And that's not a bad thing. I put in my eight hours and I work hard while I'm there and do the job to the best of my abilities. But sometimes, it's still Bored O'clock. And there is dealing with people. Now, I've mentioned before that I am an introvert in a lot of ways. Basically, I would rather spend time alone with the occasional interruption of people instead of the other way around. And when I do interact with others, I much prefer it to be on my terms. So, I wait and hope and wish for Friday at 5 so that I can retreat to my solitude.
That's probably while I enjoy reading and writing and working with yarn. Because at their core, they are solitary tasks. And being by myself, doing these things, this is the way that I decompress, de-stress from my day or worries or what have you. Whatever is bothering me goes away when I'm doing these things.
I'm working on changing some of the behavior that I find undesirable in myself. Essentially, I believe that I am a good person with very good qualities. But there are some things that I'm not happy about. I crave validation but I don't want to put myself out there to get it. I want to complete projects but I get apathetic about the outcome. I set goals and then become lazy and rationalize it when I don't meet them.
I plan on spending this weekend nurturing my need for solitude, but I've also set myself some small goals in attempt to get out of my comfort zone. I want to finish Lyse's afghan, but I'm afraid if I tell myself I will, I won't actually do it. Instead, I'm telling myself to simply finish the last round on the nine remaining squares. I want to write another chapter in my book, but instead, I will endeavor to complete at least five pages.
Baby steps, right?
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Happy 4th!
Because sometimes words cannot express emotions properly, I will leave you with one of my favorite contemporary patriotic songs of all time. It never fails to give me chills or make me sigh with relief I was born when and where I was.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Big Sigh...
OF RELIEF!
It turns out, as per usual, all my worrying was for naught. The hinky happenings were...not hinky at all. They were completely normal, everyday work stuff. And I got work sponsored lunch thrown in.
Toby, my fabulous beta reader, has requested fingerless mitts for his prezzie. I will have to find my man pattern as he has surprisingly large hands for a little dude. Okay, he's not that little. He's actually very normal sized. But still, big hands! In the past, I've always made them to fit my hands because everyone I've made them for has had similarly sized paws. His? Bigger by a lot. I worry about the dreaded SSS cropping up, though. Fortunately, it's not a hard pattern and I have many months before the snow flies again. I endeavor to get them to him before that happens.
Which brings up the point of my lack of working on projects. Seriously. Big slacker here. There is so very much to get done and yet, I haven't felt that passion, that ambition, that's needed to do it. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. But I need to get over it. Send some good thoughts my way, okay? Because I sure need them.
Lyse's afghan is so very close to getting done. And if I could just tear myself away from the computer for an hour or two, it would be done. But somehow there is always a book to read or a blog to read or an email to answer and before I know it, it's bedtime. And Bunny's lapghan, the one she specifically asked for and she's never asked for anything ever? Still not even started. I feel horrible guilt over this. And yet I can't seem to make myself change it.
Dear yarn gods, please grant me a divine intervention!
I'm making myself work on Lyse's 'ghan right now. I'm going to do it. Ready...set...
It turns out, as per usual, all my worrying was for naught. The hinky happenings were...not hinky at all. They were completely normal, everyday work stuff. And I got work sponsored lunch thrown in.
Toby, my fabulous beta reader, has requested fingerless mitts for his prezzie. I will have to find my man pattern as he has surprisingly large hands for a little dude. Okay, he's not that little. He's actually very normal sized. But still, big hands! In the past, I've always made them to fit my hands because everyone I've made them for has had similarly sized paws. His? Bigger by a lot. I worry about the dreaded SSS cropping up, though. Fortunately, it's not a hard pattern and I have many months before the snow flies again. I endeavor to get them to him before that happens.
Which brings up the point of my lack of working on projects. Seriously. Big slacker here. There is so very much to get done and yet, I haven't felt that passion, that ambition, that's needed to do it. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. But I need to get over it. Send some good thoughts my way, okay? Because I sure need them.
Lyse's afghan is so very close to getting done. And if I could just tear myself away from the computer for an hour or two, it would be done. But somehow there is always a book to read or a blog to read or an email to answer and before I know it, it's bedtime. And Bunny's lapghan, the one she specifically asked for and she's never asked for anything ever? Still not even started. I feel horrible guilt over this. And yet I can't seem to make myself change it.
Dear yarn gods, please grant me a divine intervention!
I'm making myself work on Lyse's 'ghan right now. I'm going to do it. Ready...set...
Monday, June 25, 2012
Squidgies
There's something hinky going on.
I'm not sure yet what's up but it's left me with the psychosomatic stomach pains. I get those when I get nervous. I think that they should disappear as soon as I realize that the yuck comes from my head and not an actual physical ailment. But they don't. Instead I just to keep feeling yucky until whatever is making me nervous happens or I go home. Whichever comes first. Home is safe, there's not stomach pain inducing things here. I'll find out tomorrow what exactly is going on. At lunch time. Until then, I'll be all sorts of nervous.
In the meantime, I will be hiding behind the words. I've made some excellent progress in my works in progress in the last couple of days. This has given me a profound sense of accomplishment. So, I'm working on that.
And the baby blanket is a third done. The rest of my projects? They are glaring at me from various bags and boxes, demanding to be worked on. I'm ignoring them.
I blame it on the squidgies.
I'm not sure yet what's up but it's left me with the psychosomatic stomach pains. I get those when I get nervous. I think that they should disappear as soon as I realize that the yuck comes from my head and not an actual physical ailment. But they don't. Instead I just to keep feeling yucky until whatever is making me nervous happens or I go home. Whichever comes first. Home is safe, there's not stomach pain inducing things here. I'll find out tomorrow what exactly is going on. At lunch time. Until then, I'll be all sorts of nervous.
In the meantime, I will be hiding behind the words. I've made some excellent progress in my works in progress in the last couple of days. This has given me a profound sense of accomplishment. So, I'm working on that.
And the baby blanket is a third done. The rest of my projects? They are glaring at me from various bags and boxes, demanding to be worked on. I'm ignoring them.
I blame it on the squidgies.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Escape Artist
I've become very adept at escaping from the real world. I used to think I used my powers only for good; I would only "escape" to a happy place when I was bored out of my skull. I have come to realize, however, that i escape reality on a constant basis. And not at good times. And not even when it's necessary. It's a complete and total defense mechanism.
Things I use to escape?
Yarn: When I'm creating something, I'm lost in a world of stitches. All that matters is what's in my hands.
TV: I have my favorite shows and I got to a place where I am completely invested in the characters and their lives. They become part way real to me. And I get obsessed.
Books: Much like TV, I let the real world fall away and the only thing that exists are the boys and watching them fall in love. Or the fantastical, mythical worlds where magic and vampires and werewolves are real. I, again, have favorites that I read over and over and over, letting the tale sweep me away again and again.
Words: What I write is the ultimate escape. These characters are born from my imagination and they live in my head. The world they live in, though similar to ours, is one of my making. If that's not escapism, I don't know what is.
It's not bad that I escape. Being creative or having time to yourself is never bad. However I have recently become fully aware that I do this way too often. That I disengage from the real world on a much too regular basis. I can own that now.
And I'm working on gathering the courage to change that.
Things I use to escape?
Yarn: When I'm creating something, I'm lost in a world of stitches. All that matters is what's in my hands.
TV: I have my favorite shows and I got to a place where I am completely invested in the characters and their lives. They become part way real to me. And I get obsessed.
Books: Much like TV, I let the real world fall away and the only thing that exists are the boys and watching them fall in love. Or the fantastical, mythical worlds where magic and vampires and werewolves are real. I, again, have favorites that I read over and over and over, letting the tale sweep me away again and again.
Words: What I write is the ultimate escape. These characters are born from my imagination and they live in my head. The world they live in, though similar to ours, is one of my making. If that's not escapism, I don't know what is.
It's not bad that I escape. Being creative or having time to yourself is never bad. However I have recently become fully aware that I do this way too often. That I disengage from the real world on a much too regular basis. I can own that now.
And I'm working on gathering the courage to change that.
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