More Randoms

--I don't understand spam (mail, not the fake meat).  I don't have a penis to enlarge.  I don't care that bored housewives want to cheat with me.  I certainly don't need supplemental insurance for my Medicare coverage (because I'm not old enough to have Medicare!) or a fake rolex.  Nor do I need a mortgage, a loan, or products to make my hair shinier or lower my blood pressure.  I'm glad they all end up in the spam folder and a quick click of the mouse makes them go away.

--Sometimes all I have for dinner is crackers and diet Pepsi.  It's all I need or want.

--The weather got to 80 yesterday.  Today, they are calling for snow.  This is, sadly, typical for this time of year around here.

--I finally did my taxes last night.  Way to get it in under the wire.  It's not that it was hard, I was just lazy.  

--Simon totally attacked me in the bathroom, got mad at me when he got a static shock from rubbing up again my pants, ran out of the bathroom two steps ahead of me, only to live up to his nickname Simon Underfoot.  He flopped over right where I was about to step and then got mad again when my foot came down on his.  Fortunately, I was prepared and though I couldn't stop the momentum, I was able to catch myself before actually stepping on him.  He gave an indignant yowl...and then went back to acting like he would just die if I didn't give him loves.  And how could I not?

--I hate waiting.  I especially hate waiting when I've got other things I could do in the meantime but don't want to do them because I'm waiting for the other thing.

--I bought the yarn for the baby blanket.  I'm currently waffling between two different patterns.  I'll have to decide on something soon...but not quite yet.

--I randomly freak myself out over the stupidest shit.

--I wish I was better at punctuation.

--I'm going to write a character that talks like I do in real life so I can stop censoring myself when I write dialogue and inner monologue.  I think people are going to think I'm just making shit up.  He may be unbelievable.  It's all true, I swear.

--I'm sure no one is surprised to hear that I want cookies.  

--I already feel like this week should be over...and it's only Tuesday.

The Lake

Yesterday, Sis and I took the little ones to the nearby lake and took a walk.  It was a gorgeous day and there was some real stark beauty in the leafless trees and the clear blue water.  We walked a lot, and I got blisters, but it was just serene and quiet and very nice.  Enjoyed the crap out of it.  Of course, by the time we turned around and headed back to the car we were dragging a bit.  She says next time we're renting the bike contraption that seats several people so we can go farther and get back faster.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  :)

Today she has to work for a couple of hours and then we're hitting the craft store.  I need a few accouterments to finish up some projects, and I still have gift cards to spend.  She has a gift card too.  I'm not sure how my feet feel about walking around a store, but one must suffer for one's passion.  lol.

But the fresh air and the peaceful walk certain did me some good because I'm feeling a lot more settled.  I certainly like that feeling.  I need to remember it, so that when times get stressful, I can head out there and enjoy the peacefulness and get centered again.

Searching for Inspiration

I sort of don't know what to do with myself.

There's a couple of books I need to read, and there's yarning to be done, and words to be written.  But I can't seem to make myself settle on any one thing.  This ever happen to you?  It seems to be happening to me with increasing regularity and I'm not happy about it at all.  

It's sort of like...because I know I actually have to do it, I don't want to.  Which makes me feel terribly childish.  And yet I can't seem to change it.  I think I've probably complained about this sort of thing before.  

I just need to make myself start working on something, and then follow it through.  But I'm also a little afraid that if I do, something will come along and make me have to stop what I'm doing.  Because if I make plans, the universe comes along to mess with me.  It's just how it works.

And I know Sis wants to make plans for today, but I don't want to do that either.  I want to be inspired.  I want something to strike me and then I just have no choice but to work on it.  I don't think that's too much to ask for, right?

In other and unrelated news, I managed to fix the problem that was going on with my web browser that was causing slowness, and not letting me see videos, and making me loose words that I've written (which seriously fucking pissed me off) but it's all good now.  Thank goodness.  

Getting In My Own Way

I do it all the time.

It's never intentional, of course. But my head is always getting in too deep, overthinking. And then I make things worse for myself. Way worse than they actually are.

I do it with yarn. I plan a project and I overthink and over analyze and before I know it, both me and the yarn are a hot mess. And then I give up or get frustrated and if I just took a breath and backed off, stopped worrying, I'd be fine.

I do it with writing. I spend so much time lost in the "everything I write is rubbish" that I can't see the good there. Or when changes need to happen, and I know they do, my stubbornness keeps me from doing it until I have no choice.

I do it with life. Overthink, over analyze, worry and fret until I'm so worked up I can't let anything go. I can't just enjoy.

I get in my own way sometimes. But I'm working on it.

Reviews

So, now that it's all official-like, I'm going to talk about it because it felt like if I talked about it too soon then I would jinx it.  

I'm a new reviewer over at Joyfully Jay!

I'd never really reviewed books before, other than in rambling Kris-like speak to my friends, so it was a little bit daunting.  But also really exciting.  It was something I always wanted to do because I love sharing books that I enjoyed.  And letting people know if there are books to steer clear of.  But it was also nerve wracking because everyone has their own tastes and there are books that I adore that other people can't stand, and vice versa.  But I know that I peruse the review sites in the hopes that someone's review will make me want to read something, or if I was on the fence about buying a book, so I hope that my reviews will do the same for someone else out there.


It's been a fun experience so far, Jay and her crew have been awesomely welcoming, and I'm really excited to be a part of it.

My first review goes up today.  I'm both nervous and excited.  It's just my opinion though, so feel free to disagree. 

Nothing Much

It seems like there is a lot going on in my life right now, but every time I sit here ready to write about it, nothing comes out.  *sigh*  Sometimes, I am just at a loss for words.  Which seems like it shouldn't happen to me of all people, but it does.

And the loss of words seems to be rampant across other parts of my life as well.  I'm having trouble getting words on the page these days.  Another one of my slumps, I suppose.  I just have to have faith that I will get it back as I keep plodding along.

Saw Frozen this weekend and really adored it.  Sven, the reindeer, has got to be one of my all time favorite characters.  But I enjoyed the message and the songs as well.  Yes, I'm still a kid at heart, and yes, Disney movies are still one of my favorite things.  Sis and I watched it together, and there were a couple of times we got a bit nervous and hand to hold hands.  I love that we can still be effected by movies.

There's a friend's birthday coming up in a few weeks that I need to yarn for but I'm still not completely decided on what to make.  I need to get crackin' though.  I'm sure you're just shocked and surprised to hear that.  Story of my yarning life, right?

At any rate, I take comfort in the small things.  The feel of hook and yarn in my hand, a good story, a hug from my family.  And I've been getting all that in spades lately.  So I'm happy and content, even if I need to get moving on some things.  And it's a good place to be.

Being Brave

I like routine.  I like tradition.  I like things to be the same.  I don't like change.  I especially don't like change that happens out of the blue. I'm the girl that doesn't mind spoilers because I like to know what's coming.  I don't like surprise parties.  I don't like being made to guess.  I like it when things go the way they are supposed to.  There are certain foods I eat the exact same way every single time because that's how it's supposed to be.

I'm a bit set in my ways.  And I'm an introvert.  So, I don't like to draw any sort of attention to myself.  I lurk.  I watch.  I often remain silent.

But the past few weeks, something has been different.  I've stepped outside of my comfort zone on several occasions.  I've done things that I normally wouldn't...because of fear or anxiety or simply because "that's not how it goes."

The actual things don't matter as much as the fact that I've done them.  No, that's not true.  They do matter.  But the slightly more important part is that I took a step outside of my box and I've done things that I wouldn't have even a few months ago.

I'm feeling pretty proud of myself.  And accomplished.  And I like it.