The Me You Know

I sometimes think that I am two different people living in the same body.  I'm sure a lot of people feel this way.  There is the me you know...and the me I keep to myself.  Fortunately, the BFF knows both of those people, she likes them both, and that helps me to accept them both as well.

I get into these funks of apathy where I just don't wanna.  I don't want to do anything or be anywhere or say anything.  I hole up and read and not interact with the world at all.  I've been in one of those funks for the last week.  I haven't felt like posting or yarning or writing.  I've done nothing but read and sleep, escaping reality.  I don't usually know what triggers those moods and I don't know what brings me out of them.  But my apathetic mood finally broke on Saturday.  I had a plan and a list (you know I love lists) and I got down to business and planted a garden.


I love to garden.  I'm not one of those people that has a spectacular plots of land that they keep well manicured and maintained.  I don't know a lot about plants; I am not a veritable font of knowledge.  I just know what I like and what grows well in my little 5' X 3' plot next to the front steps.  I planted snapdragons, pansies, petunias, marigolds, and dianthus'.  It's very pretty and I am well pleased.  My OCD came into play a bit, because I had to have a sort of order to the placement but my creativity was able to roam free as I plotted out which flowers would go where.  And whatever stresses where weighing me down were gone when I was finished.  I worked it all out by toiling in the soil.  I don't even care that my muscles are protesting the overuse and I'm walking like an old lady today.  It felt good and I felt accomplished and I think that I really needed that.

Another problem that I have is that I don't let people see me as anything more as a yarn loving, fun loving, sci fi loving girl.  I keep secrets of other things that I like because I'm afraid of the reaction that I will get when they are revealed.  People know that I like science fiction and fantasy but they have no clue that I am a hardcore fan, a complete dork.  People know that I love to read and often stay up late reading but they don't know that one of my favorite things to read is M/M romance because when that tidbit of information comes out I get the shocked "But you're a girl!  And straight!" So I keep it all to myself because it's safer that way.  Because then I don't have to explain or defend.  But I'm putting out there today, even if it's in the relative anonymity of cyberspace, because I'm tired of only showing half of who I am.  


I believe that people should be accepted for who they are.  Even if you don't agree with their views or their beliefs or their morals.  As long as they aren't hurting anyone, what does it matter who they love or what they read or what they like to do in their spare time.  


I am a hardcore sci fi fan who likes to read M/M romance and has an obsession with the fiber arts.  It's not all of who I am but it's a big part of it.  This is the me you know.