Conditioning is a funny thing. Sometimes, we don't even realize that we've been conditioned until long after the fact. At my previous place of employment, I worked hard and did the job as well as I was able. I was good. But sometimes, the management...well, lets just say that something that is a small mistake and entirely due to the fact that I am human and humans make errors, would get blown out of proportion and it was like I killed a puppy and bathed in it's blood. So after a while, if I found a mistake that I had done, even if I fixed it, I would get all sorts of worked up and queasy, dreading the moment that the boss found out about it.
I've been at the new job for two months now. Everyone is great. But when I make a mistake (because, once again, I'm HUMAN) I get the same sort of dread and queasy feeling. They don't treat me like a puppy killer...sometimes, I get a frown or perhaps a stern word. But nothing demeaning. But I still react internally as if I'm going to be treated that way.
Just call me Pavlov's dog. Except instead of salivating when I hear a bell ring, I get nauseous when I've made an error.
I'm working on it.
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