I...Don't..Understand...

I don't get my muse.  At all.  Not even a little bit.

I've been writing this series for years now, years, and I sort of have to go with the flow and write when the muse lets me or when she fills my head with thoughts and ideas and words.  And it's worked, mostly, even if The BFF is a little impatient for the next installment sometimes.  Okay, all the time.  But whatever. I've grown used to that.  Even if I spend time doing things that are other, her and I? We always go back to our first love.  It just takes time.  I'm not worried about that.

And then the Muse?  She plants this whole other idea in my head and I write like crazy and I lined up a beta reader this time and I think, this, this is it.   This is what I'm supposed to be doing at this moment in my life.

And then the fickle bitch of a muse cuts me off at the knees and I'm lying on the ground bleeding from my leg stumps and screaming "It's just a flesh wound!" and she says, "Too bad, so sad, baby girl.  This is not what you were meant to write.  I have this whole other thing in mind."

And I'm still lying on the ground, bleeding out, and whining that I love Jamie and Shane and please, please, please, can't I just write them?  

The muse's answer?  A big, fat, resounding no.

She gives me Nathaniel and Ben instead.  And I've been unable to silence them for days now.  And I just love them. I do.  Ben is way stronger than he thinks he is and Nathaniel is trying to get a gold medal for determination.  I'm enjoying the hell out of telling their story.  

I'm not worried about Sadie and her world.  That is something that will never die.  But I don't know what this means for Jamie and Shane.  And that breaks my heart a little bit.  

I don't know why the muse is so mean.  But I suppose I have to trust her right?