Needy, But Not Needed

I first thought of the title of this post in relation to myself.  

I accept that I'm needy.  I am.  I need validation, and I need recognition.  Not in the grand scheme of things--I'd much rather go unnoticed there--but from the people who mean a great deal to me.  From those people, I need to know I matter, that I'm cared for, that they think of me. And I can get clingy, and sometimes paranoid, if I don't feel it from them often enough.  This is on me.  I know they have their own lives and worries and things that are going on and they can't be constantly reassuring me that we're solid, that I'm cared for, and that I'm worthy.  Logically, I know this.  I even accept it to some degree.  But when I get that indication, no matter how small, there's a huge sense of relief for me.  At least, until the cycle starts up all over again.

Needy.

It's also in my nature, and I think it's the other side of the same coin, to want to feed needed.  I need to know that those people that I care about the most need me back.  I want to help, to soothe, to laugh and cry along with them, be their support and offer them hugs and love and just be there for them.  I want them to turn to me when they are hurt, or upset, or so joyful they can't contain it.  

Needy about being needed.

It is something I'm working on.  At least, to the extent of not showing it so much.  What I don't want is to be a burden, or to drive people away with my cling, and it has happened in the past.  So I'm trying to rein it in.  And learn to be content in my own skin, take people at face value, and not jump to conclusions if I don't hear from someone for a few days.  Because their silence probably has nothing to do with me at all.  And if it does, well, I have to trust that they'll tell me that.

Right now, I feel very needy but not very needed.  And since I'd very much rather feel needed than needy, I'm working on it within myself.