Minor Setback

I woke up this morning with a migraine.  I don't get them often but when I do?  Oh, boy.  Pain.  Sometimes, the worst are the ones that I wake up with.  If I sleep with my head in a weird position, the pain is unbearable and I want to vomit. So, because today was a good day to call in sick to work, I didn't try to muscle through.  I stayed home and took pills and slept.  Of course that means, that I've only been to able to work a bit with the yarn.  I'm still working now, so that's good.  Baby blanket number 2 is coming along nicely.  That baby is due any day now, she may have been born today and I just don't know because I wasn't at work to hear, so I want to get it done as quickly as possible.

It doesn't look like this weekend will be the one for the move, so I'll have some extra days to get things done.  As I have to have blanket number 3 done by Saturday morning for Sis, I'll have free days.  And then I have to pick up the pace on blanket number 1 because that was an order from The Wise One for a friend of hers.  And once these smaller projects are done, I'll focus on the afghan's I need to finish: Lyse's, Bunny's, and Sis's.  Other than the move, those projects will have my full attention. 

It always helps me to have a plan.

And That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles

I got some sad news.  Then I got some disappointing news.  And then I got some bad news.  

But then I got good news!

It looks like I'll be moving in the near future.  I won't be going far and I'm absolutely thrilled about it.  But the thought of packing up all my crap, and then schlepping all my crap, and then unpacking all my crap...ugh!  Moving my yarn stash alone requires many many bags and at least 12 strong men.  It'll probably be a week or two yet but...very excited and dreading it at the same time.

Finally, finally, made it to the Renaissance Festival this past weekend.  I took my honorary kid, and the BFF, and Brub and a good time was had by all.  It was Pirate Weekend.  ARRRGGHH!!  The costumes were very interesting and exciting and nice to see...even if some were a little, well, revealing for my six year old.  Thankfully, my pseudo-kid is pretty oblivious to the world around him.  He enjoyed himself and that was all that mattered.  


Sis has a sore elbow and is finding yarning difficult right now.  Of course, that means she's enlisted me to finish a baby blanket on her behalf by Saturday.  I'll do my damndest. It's pretty boring, just a bunch of doubles, but its worked in the round and it is a spiral of four colors so it looks nifty.  Its just boring to work.  Later this week, I'm sure I'll be in a mad scramble to get it done.  Knowing myself as well as I do, it will probably be finished Saturday morning.  Shower isn't until noon, after all. 

Writing has been slow going though.  I don't know why the muse is being such a fickle bitch.  Maybe she knows that I have many a yarn project to complete and is giving me a break to do them?  I don't know.  But I'm not yarning like I should either.  Sometimes I'm such a slacker.  Especially when there is Lyse's afghan (which is so close to done!) and Bunny's 'ghan which is not difficult and I just need to do because I finally figured out the pattern and I have two of my own baby blankets to finish....oy vey, I'm making my own head hurt.  I swear, tonight is the last night I'll be a slacker.  Tomorrow?  Yarn!

I'll let you know how it goes. 

 

Ear Candy: Double Shot

In one of the series I'm writing, music has inspired me a lot.

Jamie has some issues but, deep down, he wants nothing more than just to be with Shane and forget the rest of the baggage of the world.  His song, especially the second verse:

Now, Shane?  Shane is confident that, given enough time and patience, it will all work out.  Shane's song:

The other day, I heard them back to back on the radio and I nearly had an aneurysm of excitement!

Another One of Those Days

The fax machine and I were fighting all morning.  I don't know what I ever did to it, but it clearly has a vendetta against me.  Eventually, I got my fax to go through but I think the stupid machine was just humoring me.

I banged my knee repeatedly on my drawers.  I don't know why I suddenly had a problem remembering they were there or why I couldn't keep my knee out of their vicinity when I turned my chair around.  I'm sporting a lovely bruise.

I can't even count the number of times I stood up today to go do something that needed to be done...and promptly forgot exactly what that was.  

But then I got gifted with a big bag of yarn.  So, I guess the day didn't turn out too badly!  

It's the little things...

...that get to me.  Being over by 10 random dollars when I'm trying to post my batch and I have to go through it three times before I find that I put a 3 where a 2 should have been.  My contact deciding it's had enough of staying put and sliding around my eyeball until I have no choice but to take it out in a place where I have no saline, contact case, or glasses and having to spend half the day half blind.  Plans falling through yet again because of unforeseen circumstances. It's really, really, really hot.  Running out of Goldfish when I've been looking forward to munching on them all day.

The little things.

I found the ten dollars, I'm now wearing my glasses, the plans have only been postponed for a week, I'm sitting in front of the a/c, and I have more Goldfish.  But I'm still all sorts of out of whack.  Because when I've had that kind of day, every other little thing that happens seems bigger and more mountain-y, when it's really just a wee tiny molehill. I guess it goes hand in hand with getting fixated on things because I just can't let it go. 

And then the BFF says something to make me smile and just that quick, everything is right again in the world.  

Little things be damned.  

Fixated

Sometimes, I get stuck.  I have a thought, or someone says something to me, and then I'm stuck there and I can't think about anything else.  I keep playing it over and over again in my mind.  And I cannot get out of the loop.  Sometimes, its good things.  A happy memory or a good emotion and when I get stuck there it keeps me smiling for a good long time and that's nice.  

More often than not, though, it's bad things that I get fixated on.  I suppose, to some extent, that's natural.  But I take it beyond what's normal and let it...fester.

Like yesterday, we were making plans to go to the Renaissance Festival that takes place every summer near here and we go just about every year and I was getting so very excited because Saturday was just a few days away.  I was fixated on the good and I was very happy....and then, just as quickly as plans were coming together, they fell apart because of one person and I got over the top angry about it because how dare that person fuck up my plans and why the hell do we have to revolve our plans around that person anyway?!  Normal, right, those feelings of anger and disappointment?  Except that I got stuck there and the more I thought about it the angrier I got until I was disproportionally upset.  My anger far exceeded the situation...logically I knew there were many more weekends the Fest would be going on and there would be plenty of time to make our trip and spend the day.  Except...

I'm still overly angry about it and I can't seem to let it go.

I'm not entirely sure what that says about me.  

Update

Really just a quick note to say how very proud of myself I am!  (sometimes, I'm the only one who reminds me that I can be awesome)

Yesterday, managed not only to finish the rest of the squares for Lyse's afghan but got them all put together.  It's not as big as I thought it was going to be and I don't love it like I thought I would..but she will and I guess that's all that matters.  Now for a few rounds of borders and then it will be fin!

I did not, however, get as much written as I originally thought because a big bunch of it was just wrong and I had to make it go away.  This made me frown.  But I have faith that I can fix it...eventually.  

Been working the new job for three months now and I had my "no longer on 90 days probation" eval.  Apparently, I'm doing "awesome"--her words, not mine--so I guess I'm not the only one that reminds me of that.  Good to know!  I'm happy that she thinks I'm doing well though because I'm trying very hard to do the job to the best of my abilities.

And so, to reward myself...relaxing tonight!

Conversations with Strangers

I was at the bank yesterday and while in line, a stranger struck up a conversation with me.  Normally, this would make me very uncomfortable.  In the past, I would give the courtesy nod and make non committal responses, and then fake my cell phone ringing.  But because I'm trying to change the things about me I do not like, I talked with this very nice lady who was just trying to pass the time.

It was nice.  It wasn't anything invasive.  We talked about the cup of coffee she was drinking (it wasn't very good) and about the hot weather we've been experiencing.  And then it was her turn to walk up to the next available teller.  I waited patiently for another window to open up.  

It wasn't until I left the bank that I realized exactly what I had done.  And I was proud of myself.  And speaking of proud...

I've written most of a chapter.  I'm still working on finishing it.  Even though my goal was just to write 5 pages, I've written more and I am on a roll.  Once I get that way, I can't stop until the muse lays off a little.  So, I'm still writing and feeling very good about it.

I have not worked on Lyse's afghan.  But I'm going to before the day is over.  Soon I will either finish the chapter or the muse will give it up and then I can work on that.  

All in all, it's been a good weekend.

Helllloooooo Weekend!

I'm a fan of Fridays.  I'm sure it doesn't really come as a surprise.  A great many people like Fridays.  And Fridays sometimes make the week bearable.  Mom always says I shouldn't wish my life away, but I can't help but wait until Fridays.  

I like my job a lot, but I don't love it.  When it comes down to it, it's just a paycheck.  And that's not a bad thing.  I put in my eight hours and I work hard while I'm there and do the job to the best of my abilities.  But sometimes, it's still Bored O'clock.  And there is dealing with people.  Now, I've mentioned before that I am an introvert in a lot of ways.  Basically, I would rather spend time alone with the occasional interruption of people instead of the other way around.  And when I do interact with others, I much prefer it to be on my terms.  So, I wait and hope and wish for Friday at 5 so that I can retreat to my solitude.

That's probably while I enjoy reading and writing and working with yarn.  Because at their core, they are solitary tasks.  And being by myself, doing these things, this is the way that I decompress, de-stress from my day or worries or what have you.  Whatever is bothering me goes away when I'm doing these things. 


I'm working on changing some of the behavior that I find undesirable in myself.  Essentially, I believe that I am a good person with very good qualities.  But there are some things that I'm not happy about.  I crave validation but I don't want to put myself out there to get it.  I want to complete projects but I get apathetic about the outcome.  I set goals and then become lazy and rationalize it when I don't meet them.  


I plan on spending this weekend nurturing my need for solitude, but I've also set myself some small goals in attempt to get out of my comfort zone.  I want to finish Lyse's afghan, but I'm afraid if I tell myself I will, I won't actually do it.  Instead, I'm telling myself to simply finish the last round on the nine remaining squares.  I want to write another chapter in my book, but instead, I will endeavor  to complete at least five pages.  


Baby steps, right?
 

Happy 4th!

Because sometimes words cannot express emotions properly, I will leave you with one of my favorite contemporary patriotic songs of all time.  It never fails to give me chills or make me sigh with relief I was born when and where I was.