Bittersweet Symphony

Last day of the job is over and done with.  I hardly got anything accomplished and I actually feel bad about that.  Not sure why.  It's not like it effects me at all.  Except that I adore my coworkers, so it's probably residual guilt at having left them with a wee tiny bit of a mess.  Fortunately, they will forgive me for it.  

They surprised me with lunch (which was yummy) and cake (which was very nice) and overwhelmed me with a gift so generous...they know me well and got me two gift cards to craft stores!  I was blown away and if I hadn't been sitting when I opened them I would have fallen right to the floor.  So very incredibly generous.  I am so touched and thankful and grateful...I can't even put it into words.  Even a couple of the bosses who have taken pains to avoid me these last two weeks took a moment to wish me well and tell me that I will be missed.  I was able to keep myself together enough that I only got choked up and didn't cry outright, so points to me.

And the good thing is that I now get to go shopping.  I've had my eye on a few notions that I've always wanted but felt were frivolous.  I'm going for it now.  That's why gift card money is so very amazing.  And before the week is done, I will send out thank you notes.  Thank you are two of the most powerful words in the universe when they are used with sincerity.  And I am to do just that.  Hopefully, I will able to express my heartfelt thanks with grace and aplomb.

Apparently, It's still Tuesday...

I work with some awesome people.  But tomorrow...tomorrow is the last day I will work with them.  Now, I know that my new job will also have awesome people (I'm fortunate to know some of them already) but it's still not the same as the awesome people I have now.  They don't want me to leave.  They are happy for me and for this new opportunity in my life, but they selfishly don't want me to leave.  They are trying to convince me that it's still Tuesday.  And if it's still Tuesday, then tomorrow is not Friday, the last day of working with me.

I love it.

But, alas, it is not Tuesday and tomorrow IS Friday and that means that it will all be over.  I am happy about this new stage in my life.  But I am so unbelievably, incredibly sad to be leaving my current job and especially my coworkers.  So I am placating myself with chocolate and salt chips and soda this evening.  I'm going to read some stuff and maybe write, because the voices were particularly talkative today, and ultimately just wallow in the sad for a while before I have to put on the big girl panties and be brave.  

Tonight, I don't have to worry about tomorrow.  Because it's still Tuesday.

Out of Sorts

It has been a strange day.  There was a weirdness in the air.  I'm coming up on my last day at my current job (this Friday) and I'm really learning the meaning of bittersweet first hand.  I'm excited about the next endeavor in my life.  I am also very sad to be leaving my current job...and my coworkers.  That's the hard part for me.  They are my friends and to leave them makes my heart heavy.  Fortunately, they are all happy for me, even if they threaten not to let me leave, and I am touched beyond words.  But when I am emotional, it makes me very sleepy.

Spent a little time with some extended family tonight (and got some baby snuggles!), which was nice, but family time is always a little stressful.  It also means that I didn't get any crocheting done yet.  And I know I really should pick it up, because I've given myself a deadline, but...well, I'm totally feeling apathetic.  So I'm telling myself that I will soon be shutting down my computer and working at least one round on the afghan before crashing for the night.

I'm not entirely sure what is wrong with my brain tonight, but I can't seem to focus on anything.  I need to get re centered.  A few hours with the task of crocheting should help.  It's easy stitches, with just a bit of counting involved, so it should help me zone out and settle.  I know I won't sleep if I don't get the gray matter under control.  I really need to be able to sleep well tonight, because a tired girl makes for an incredibly cranky girl.  And no one likes me when I'm cranky.

So, to sum up:  a few hours with the yarn to get the out of sorts back into sorts so that I can sleep peacefully instead of tossing and turning and praying for sleep. 

Fail!

Question: What is the definition of slacker?

Answer: Me, this past weekend.

My goal of finishing the afghan this past weekend wasn't just a fail.  It was an epic fail. I did absolutely zero work on the afghan.  I spent a couple hours on a scarf just to play with some yarn I got for my birthday.  But that didn't get me one iota closer to the finished product.  I'm a bad, bad girl.

The problem is I've reached that point in the project when I just want it to be done.  You know that point I mean, right?  That point where you are just sick of doing the same thing over and over again and you are just ready for the whole thing to be done.  It makes me apathetic.  No matter how much I love the project (and you may recall I love this one a lot!) I still hit that point where I am just...over it.  So I'm at that point and I want it to be just done but the only way for it to be done is if I just do it but I'm tired of it so I don't want to do it and I really just want it to be done...

...You see my problem, yeah?

At any rate I need to stop bellyaching and complaining about it and just do it!  

the best laid plans

I totally broke my yarn buying hiatus.  In my defense, it really didn't count.  I was spending my gift certificate to my LYS  I walked around and around....and around and around and around..that store for a long time.  I really love it in there.  So many wonderful yarns!  Finally I settled on some Rowan Cocoon in a pretty not quite slate blue.  When I saw the price, I was all O.O!  But then I remembered I was spending gift money and that if ever there were a time to splurge it would be then.  So I got it and it will, eventually. be a scarf for me, probably knitted on over sized needles and in some sort of lacy, openwork pattern in order for the fabulous yarn to stretch that much further.  

Sis and I spent some quality yarn time together yesterday.  I taught her a new pattern and then once she was comfortable enough that I didn't have to watch her every second (she gets paranoid she's doing something wrong) I got my own work out.  I dropped the f bomb a lot, because apparently I forgot how to count, but it was a good time.  Sis is very entertaining, even when she doesn't mean to be!

But tonight?  Tonight I'm taking a break from all things yarn because the voices (oh good Lord, the voices) have been quite raucous.  If I don't get them down on the page, they will be insufferable, and I need the rest of the weekend to finish (I hope!) C-Lou's afghan.

Wish me luck.  But only the good kind, please.

So Pretty!

Guess what I've been thinking about today?  

Yeah, it's not a surprise, I know.  I found this pic of these pretty, delicious, yarns.   All I can think is: I WANT!  Of course, I have much too much in the pipeline right now.  I'm on a yarn buying hiatus.  Because there are many things that I need to get done before I can buy myself anything new.  But aren't they sumptuous?!

My problem is, when I see a fabulous yarn, my gray matter immediately starts imagining exactly all the wonderful things the yarn can become.  In that picture right there?  I can see a pair of sock, several different scarves, a hat (or three), and if I get really ambitious, a sweater.  And the color pallet?  Swoon!  My very favorite blues and purples!  

But alas!  None of that is to be right now.  I'm nearly done with C-Lou's afghan.  And then I have a couple more to make.  One of them is for me!  I'm very excited about that one as it is made with knitted mitered squares in some fabulous Noro Silk, which is then coupled with crocheted borders.  But it waits until I finish other things.  So I am working hard to make that happen.

Carpal Tunnel be damned!

i am the grasshopper

The Wise One is a mom, grandma, mentor...an all around awesome person.  She's got an amazing outlook on life and a wicked sense of humor.  She is my Jedi Master in many things.

And I am Grasshopper.

I am fortunate to have her in my life.  She gives me all sorts of good advice, positive feedback, and encouragement.  She listens when I speak.  She always asks how my day is going and is genuinely interested in the answer.  And the best part?  I can give her that same goodness right back. 

When I've had a bad day in the yarn department, when I don't do what I should or haven't done as much work (or any work at all!) she tells me that it's okay.  The other thing that she constantly reminds me of is I can only be responsible for my own actions.  There is no point in worry about the things I can't control.  That's one I'm still working on.  But I am certainly trying.


Everyone should be so lucky as to have a friend like The Wise One.


Still working on C-Lou's afghan.  I need to get cracking.  My new (and as solid as I can make it) goal is to finish it by the end of the week.  If push comes to shove, then I will hole up this weekend and work my ass off until it's finished.  I'm very, very, very, tempted to keep it.  I really love it.  But I know that she will, too, and that makes me smile.    But I really need to get it done and give it to her so that I don't just...keep it.  It's not for me.


Maybe one day I will make one for myself, hm?