Used to

I used to have this rule.  I never started a new project until the previous one was finished.  That applied to both yarn and writing.  I never started something new until I was done with whatever I was working on.  In the last few years, that has gone straight out the window.  

Now, with the yarn projects, I usually have two or three things going at the same time.  I work on one at lunch and another at home.  Sometimes, two or three things at home on different days.  But even though I bent the rule where yarn was concerned, I never broke it where writing was concerned.

I bent it a little when I started writing Jamie and Shane's story while Sadie and her world was still unfinished.  But I told myself that was okay because it was two different genres, mostly, and it was making my muse happy to do that.  I could get all the scenes out of my head and the two worlds were so different that I didn't have to worry about them impinging on each other.

Until today.

Now, the rule has been busted and is strewn all about the room.  Because today I broke ground on a new story.  I couldn't silence Ben and Nathaniel.  They talked way too much.  It was incessant.  So, I started putting them on the page.  And it's in the same genre as Jamie and Shane and now I feel sort of like I'm cheating on one pair to be with the other.  

But I can't silence the muse.  And if she went quiet, I'd go stark raving mad.  I need to write.  It's a part of who I am; my genetic make up.  So I write what's in my brain, put it on the page, no matter whose story it is.

I used to have this rule.

But I don't anymore. 

The Month of Birthdays...

...concludes today with my awesome big brother.  Happy Birthday, Brub!

Yes, I am well aware that August does, in fact, have three more days to the month.  They aren't as important.  When I get to work in the morning, I'll post the last of the money for the month.  That's not to say that I won't have any work to do, because I will, just that a little of the stress will be gone because I'll have plenty of time to get it done.  For this reason alone, I'm a fan of monthend.

I have yet to finish baby Annabelle's blanket.  I have to start over from scratch because I ran out of yarn and hate it anyway.  Today, I finally settled on a pattern (I think) so my goal is to get that done this weekend.  My big move has been pushed back till the end of September or thereabouts so I'll have plenty of time.  Not that I've actually finished anything I was supposed to get done previously.  The summer lazies have got me in a firm hold.  

I did write a chapter in one of my books the other day.  That felt good.  And I've made some good progress on Shane and Jamie's rewrites.  Okay, maybe not good progress, but a little bit of progress nonetheless.  But see, there's a problem...

There are these other characters in my head that don't fit into anything I've got going right now.  And they are being very demanding.  And I'm not sure I can put them off.  They might have to get down on the page, just so they'll shut up for a while.  The muse, she is insistent sometimes. I've got a broad plot and a good feel for the characters but none of the salient details.  And I just know it will turn into a series because everything I write turns into a series because I freaking love series.  And apparently italics.  

On an unrelated note, next Monday is Labor Day and the following Monday, I took off from work so I have two weeks in a row of four day weeks.  I'm looking forward to it a lot.

Too Much...Not Enough

There is too much going on in my brain...too many characters, too many scenes, too many worlds, too many thoughts, too many doubts.

But there is also...

Not enough order.  Not enough organization.  Not enough ambition.  Not enough desire.  Not enough need.

Too much.

Not enough.

These concepts are my enemies right now.  

Random Observations...About Me

When I'm out in the real world, I crave validation like nobody's business.  

I'm sometimes convinced I need to start taking Xanax.

I like cookies.  A lot.

I absolutely loathe Lady and the Tramp and Bambi, but I absolutely love Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King.

Drove to work today behind an absolutely gorgeous early 80's Corvette Stingray and nearly rear ended it because I was so busy admiring it.  By the time I got to work, I had a whole new scene and new characters in my head.  I wrote them down for future reference. 

When I love a book I get completely invested in the characters.  I refer to them by their first names like they are my friends.

My favorite kinds of stories included casts of characters that have created a family for themselves.

 You will always find created families in the books I write.

When I hear about a large sum of money, my first thought is always, "Do you know how much yarn I could buy with that?!"  I very often say it out loud.

I talk out loud to the people on the TV and in books.  They never listen.

I am an auditory learner.  This means I talk out loud to myself when I need to sort something out or when I need to help myself remember something.

I'm also a kinesthetic learner.  This means that there is often moving and pacing along with the talking out loud.

I see patterns fairly easily and am pretty good at puzzles.

I like to fix things.

When I put the top down on the convertible, I tend to speed without realizing it.

One of my guilty pleasures is hearing a song that actually gets me emotional.  I love it when a song makes you feel something.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people call diesel gas.  Diesel and gas are two different things!

I often make random lists just because I can.

I have atrocious handwriting.

I like to write things long hand anyway.

I have dermatographism.   It's kind of cool but mostly itchy.

 
 

The Ah-ha Moment!

It was one of those perfect moments.  All grumpy after having finished last night's post, I had put the lap top away, I was crawling into bed, when suddenly it hit me:

The cure to Jamie and Shane's problems!

I suddenly knew with perfect clarity exactly what needed to be done to fix our boys, for their story to be real and not completely neurotic.  My brain went into overdrive and I stared at the dark ceiling for a long time as scenes rearranged themselves in my head and morphed into a new and better version of our tale.

I almost called in sick to work so that I could stay home and work on it today.  Fortunately, my rational brain kicked in, told me that we were already short staffed and I needed to get my butt in gear.  But I've made notes and I've been ansty to get home all day so that I could work on it.

Sorry, yarn.  The boys are calling my name!

Menz

Those damn fools.

Even when they are fictional characters that live in my head, they are stubborn and ridiculous and cause me all sorts of trouble.

*grumble**grumble**grumble*

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm having trouble with the rewrites.  Jamie keeps getting way too angsty and even I want to tell him to relax.  What was that?  They are my characters, you say?  I can make them do whatever I want? Pfft. You've obviously never had fictional characters living in your head.  They do whatever they want.

Siiiiigh


Okay.  This obviously means I'm not doing something right and I need to go back to the drawing board.  I know this.  But that doesn't mean it isn't fun to complain.  I have to figure out why Jamie keeps turning into an angsty piece of crap and I have to figure out why Shane is too damn perfect.  There is obviously something I'm missing in their motivation.  If they would just go ahead and spit it out, I'd be forever grateful.  I'd really hate to scrap the whole thing and start over completely.  Honestly, I don't think I'll have to.  Really, I just need to get that first scene from Jamie's POV written to my satisfaction.  If I can get that right, the rest will fall into place.  

Anybody wanna tell me how I can do that?

Ear Candy

As I am rewriting Jamie and Shane's story, I realized that, while the previous songs still hold true, maybe even more so now, Shane has another message for Jamie as well:

Ch-ch-changes

It seems like August is a month for moving because The BFF is moving too.  And that's what I'm helping her with today.  As I have the bigger car, better for moving things with, I'm going to her current place of residence, packing her stuff into said car, and driving it to the new place of residence.  Then I will help her schlep all the stuff from previously mentioned car and into the previously mention new place.  I don't think she's going to make me help unpack her things, though I would, and for that I'm grateful because after all the moving of things I'm pretty sure I'll be ready for a nap.  Naps are good!

The BFF and I also sort of having this standing "internet date" thing we do.  Friday and/or Saturday nights, if we don't have anything else going on, we each do our own thing while Skyping.  We've done it for years (though it used to be AIM) and it's just our thing.  Tonight, I have a feeling there will not be date because she'll be unpacking.  She may, if she gets the webz set up, skype with me whilst unpacking.  But it's OK either way because I have much writing to do.

As previously mentioned, I'm re-writing the bulk of Jamie and Shane's story.  And the world that the BFF loves so much is in desperate need of a chapter.  My brain has been kind of all over the place and I need to reign that in.  So that's my goal after the moving and the nap.  And a shower because it is, as usual for summer here, very humid and that will make a gross. sticky, sweaty mess. 

And, of course, there is much yarning to be done.  But that's my plan for tomorrow.  I can probably get baby blanket number 2 done in a few more hours of work so that's my goal for that.  I need to get it off my plate so I can move something else up.  

So that's the plan for the weekend: moving, shower, nap, writing, baby gift, then Lyse's 'ghan.  I'll let you know how it goes.     

Don't Fall In Love With Your Own Words

When I'm writing, I'm working hard to get the picture in my brain down on the page into words.  I don't know how it works for other writers, but for me, it's like I see separate scenes in my head.  I can see these scenes between the characters with perfect clarity and then the work comes in when I have to link them together and figure out why my character just said that because what the hell does it mean?!  That's just the way it works for me.

Stories percolate for a long time in my gray matter before they make it onto the page.  So some of those scenes have been living in my brain for months and months before they come to fruition.  This is both good and bad.  It's good because I know by that point exactly what brought my characters to that point and I know exactly what to write.  It's bad, though, because after having lived with them for so long, I find myself a little bit in love with it and I don't want to change it.  At all.  I have to make myself do it, remind myself that it needs to be different for the story.  I need to change the scene to fit the story, not change the whole story to fit one scene.  Because when I do that (yes, I have tried it) the story as a whole does not work well.

What's the point of this diatribe?  I came to the brilliant conclusion today that I need to completely rewrite Jamie and Shane's story.  OK.  Not completely.  But Jamie, in particular, needs to be less neurotic and more real.  Otherwise, the rest of the story seems forced.  Seems too much deus ex machina and that is one of  my really big pet peeves.  Its fiction, yes, and that means it doesn't have to have the same rules as the real world.  But it has to be believable as well.  So there needs to be a change.

Needless to say, when I had this epiphany (walking back to my desk from break time) my steps faltered and my heart broke a little.  I had a mad scramble to see what else I could change about the remaining book so that my scenes could still stay as they were.  It didn't work.  It wouldn't be real. 

Don't fall in love with your own words or else you'll never be able to change them.

Too late.  

It needs to be done and I'm going to do it, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt.

 

Big News!

Not really.

In fact, not at all.

Little news though.  My baby brother turned 27 yesterday.  That makes me feel old.  Older than when I think about my actual age.  I'm not sure why that is.

One of my coworkers just found out she's pregnant.  She's very excited.  I am mentally already planning a baby blanket, of course.

My coworker's baby was born on Monday.  Her name is Annabelle.  He'll be back to work next Thursday after spending some quality time home with new mom and baby. I will have baby blanket number 2 done in time for him to have it that day.

Baby blanket number one is half finished.  One of these weekends soon, I will just get 'er done.  Then I'll finish/start all the other projects I have in the pipeline.  I made a list recently of all the things yet to get done...made me want to vomit.  Then I looked at it again.  It's not as bad as I originally thought.  

I have no idea when I'll actually get to move.  I have to wait for the previous tenant to vacate the premises.  I have a sneaking suspicion it will never happen.  We'll see.

The BFF and I have started playing a new game.  I send her quotes from upcoming chapters of the book I'm writing.  She squees with glee.  I snicker evilly because it's a tease.  We call it "Quote of the Day."  I enjoy it.

 Lyse needs to work out some aggression in karate class so my honorary kids will be coming over for a bit tonight.  I always enjoy spending time with them.  It'll be fun.

That's all, folks!   

Disappointment

I don't take disappointment well.  I had gotten my brother the perfect birthday present.  I was incredibly excited to give it to him.  Then I was told some friends of his had gotten him the exact same present and they wanted to give it to him and I couldn't. I was heartbroken.  I was pissed.  

I sucked it up and made him a cthulu instead.  

I made it out of some Lion Brand Homespun in a green that I have no idea of the name of because it was in the big bag of yarn someone else gave me and the label was gone.  He looks pretty awesome and I know Tato will love it...but still.  Very disappointed that I can't give him what I wanted because it was just so damn perfect.  

In much less disappointing news, I finished the baby blanket for Sis in less time than anticipated so there was no sleep deprivation.  I got it all done, finished it off...and then realized it was not as big as I thought it was.  Briefly considered un-finishing it off and doing some more rounds but I just couldn't make myself.  The shower was this afternoon and the soon-to-be mama loved it to pieces though.  Sis gets the credit but I'm still happy. 

Now, onto the other baby blankets that need to get done.  But not tonight.  The carpal tunnel is acting up something fierce because of cthulu.  Amugurumi always does that to me.  Probably because of the small hook and extra tight gauge.  I've got to give it a rest, otherwise it will be completely useless, and I'll probably do some acupressure later.  That always helps. 

Also, got a bit of writing done last night but not enough to suit me.  I lost my mojo a bit when I got the bad birthday gift news and I couldn't get my head back in the game.  I'll try some more tonight, if I can keep my wrist still enough that it doesn't hurt.  We'll see what it feels like after the acupressure

You Can Tell She's a Writer

Someone said that about me recently and I was very flattered by the compliment.  I'm hoping it was a compliment.  I'm taking it as such. 

I just thought up a new villain.  I'm going to take great pleasure in killing her to death.  They say you should be careful what you say to an author.  I think the saying is supposed to be followed with "you might end up in one of her books."  It's true.  Many things people have said have ended up paraphrased in my pages.  Of course, with me, the saying also might be followed with "she may end up killing you in one of her books."  Insert evil laugh here.

Went shopping with the BFF this evening for a new mattress and box spring.  She got mad because I wouldn't sit on it.  I didn't need to.  She wanted it and that was enough.  I have no doubt she'll have many a peaceful slumber upon it.

Read a little this evening, and watched some Alphas, and did not yarn in any capacity.  That means I'll be working like a crazy woman to finish Sis's present on her behalf before the deadline.  Don't know why I procrastinate so much.  Once, when I was in college, I wrote three papers in six hours.  Got A's on them too.  I tell myself that I work better under pressure.  When I don't get to sleep Friday night because I'm crocheting like a mad woman, remind me that I thought so, OK? 

Welcome to August!  (Also known, in my world, as the month of birthdays)  I don't know how that happened.  It sneaked up on me just like June did.  And July.  Remember when you were a kid and summer seemed to last forever?  *wistful sigh*  I want those days back.

Incidentally, happy 50th post to me!