Let's see, let's see...
For my shawl, I decided to go with a rectangular shape so it can be like a wrap or a lapghan. I've only got a few inches done so far. I now have to decide a couple of things. I did the math very carefully, but we all know I'm mathily challenged. It actually worked out correctly for once! But I'm still not sure it's wide enough. So before I go any further, I have to decide if it is. And if it's not, then I have to frog it and put on more stitches. But that aside, I have to also decide on stripey patterns, and stitch patterns. As it is right now, I started with a seed stitch. I did this because it's completely reversible and has a fun texture. But now my brain is thinking of all sorts of other things to do. Especially ways to incorporate the two colors. I think it's going to take a bit more thinking before I decide completely. Unless I decide to change the stitch count, I can do any of the things I'm thinking from where it is right now. So decisions to make. But good Lord, do I love that yarn!
I've only got a couple of inches done on the mitts.
Last night, I got really, completely, overly upset about something someone said. As I think on it now, I'm sure it wasn't meant in the manner in which I took it. I think it was supposed to be playful. But it sure as hell didn't feel like that to me, and it hurt. There are things that are important to me, that matter to me a great deal, and I find that there are some people in my life who don't seem to care. Who are dismissive. I'm certain they don't intend to be mean. But it hurts, and I'm having trouble getting over it.
Let me just say this: I talk about yarning and writing because it is a huge part of my identity and who I am. I'm a creative person, and those are my outlets for that creativity. It's important to me. It is a big deal. And I shouldn't be made to feel like it's a lesser thing than someone else's thing.
If you want support from me, I don't think it's too much to ask that you support me back. That's all I'm saying.
Anyway, so I don't end on sad note, let me add that otherwise, things are content and happy for me. And I'm really enjoying the hell out of my yarn. :)
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Fabulous Yarn
Oh, yarn shopping, how I love thee!
First, it always amuses the crap out of me when the owner, Beth, recognizes me. I don't actually go into my LYS that often, only every couple of months or so. The last time I was there I think it was October or something. It's expensive, it's high-end yarn, so I only go when I want to get the really good stuff or I have a little extra walking around money, and decide to splurge. But there was a sale, for people who are "loyal" customers, so I had to go check it out.
It was fun to talk to Beth. She told me that she's moving to a new location soon, that's actually really close to the one where she is. Her landlord is pretty much a dick, and when she saw this new house to move to, she was like yep, gonna move. It's pretty much the same size as where she is now, but laid out a little bit better. And she won't have to deal with the gross landlord anymore.
I've been wanting to go back and get more of this really fabulous yarn called Kodiak. It's by Berroco. It's warm, but so light and lofty that when you wrap it 'round yourself, it almost feels like you're not wearing anything. And it's just fabulous to the touch. (Ask Alder, she knows) So I got some for me, to make me a shawl. Only I didn't think it through all the way, and I got two colors, and once I got home, I was all..."Oh damn. What was I thinking? This isn't going to work the way I thought it was."
Last night, I thought I came up with a solution, but, no, I didn't like it when I started it. So I frogged it. And left it lying on the futon. Then I went about putzing around on the webz, reading, writing, talking to the BFF...and inspiration struck. I'm not entirely certain if I'm going to be happy with the results of what I intend to do though. The problem that, if I start it that way, then I'm going to be committed. And it's not something I can change after the fact. As much as I want to get going on that, and do it up, I think I might have to let the idea percolate some more. The other option, that just occurred to me actually, is just to make a rectangular shaped wrap. And then it can be a lapghan or a shoulder wrap. And I can maybe do some fun and chunky cables. I'll definitely have to think on that.
In the meantime, today, I'm going to put on the Dinosaurs, cause it's been awhile, and knit a pair of fingerless mitts. The easy peasy version.
First, it always amuses the crap out of me when the owner, Beth, recognizes me. I don't actually go into my LYS that often, only every couple of months or so. The last time I was there I think it was October or something. It's expensive, it's high-end yarn, so I only go when I want to get the really good stuff or I have a little extra walking around money, and decide to splurge. But there was a sale, for people who are "loyal" customers, so I had to go check it out.
It was fun to talk to Beth. She told me that she's moving to a new location soon, that's actually really close to the one where she is. Her landlord is pretty much a dick, and when she saw this new house to move to, she was like yep, gonna move. It's pretty much the same size as where she is now, but laid out a little bit better. And she won't have to deal with the gross landlord anymore.
I've been wanting to go back and get more of this really fabulous yarn called Kodiak. It's by Berroco. It's warm, but so light and lofty that when you wrap it 'round yourself, it almost feels like you're not wearing anything. And it's just fabulous to the touch. (Ask Alder, she knows) So I got some for me, to make me a shawl. Only I didn't think it through all the way, and I got two colors, and once I got home, I was all..."Oh damn. What was I thinking? This isn't going to work the way I thought it was."
Last night, I thought I came up with a solution, but, no, I didn't like it when I started it. So I frogged it. And left it lying on the futon. Then I went about putzing around on the webz, reading, writing, talking to the BFF...and inspiration struck. I'm not entirely certain if I'm going to be happy with the results of what I intend to do though. The problem that, if I start it that way, then I'm going to be committed. And it's not something I can change after the fact. As much as I want to get going on that, and do it up, I think I might have to let the idea percolate some more. The other option, that just occurred to me actually, is just to make a rectangular shaped wrap. And then it can be a lapghan or a shoulder wrap. And I can maybe do some fun and chunky cables. I'll definitely have to think on that.
In the meantime, today, I'm going to put on the Dinosaurs, cause it's been awhile, and knit a pair of fingerless mitts. The easy peasy version.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Feeling Worthy Again
I've been not great about the posts lately.
I'm sorry for that.
There's been a lot in my live, actually, that I've let go in favor of other things. And today, it's certainly hitting me with a lack of balance. I need to get back on track. I need to budget my time better. But we all know I'm not great about that. I'm trying though. Today, I'm making an effort to make a change.
A week ago, someone said some very hurtful things to me, treated me like I was a piece of trash, and that hurt lingered for a long while. It's still lingering, if I'm completely honest.
It's no secret that I can get down on myself. That I can spiral to the dark place and that I allow self-pity to overwhelm. I don't need any help getting there. So, yes, I was down. I was also angry. Because it's one thing if I send myself there. It's another thing entirely for someone else to try and make me feel that way. In this instance, I got mad as well as sad and it was a dizzying combination.
Because of that, I threw myself into writing mode, because that felt good. Because I felt accomplished. Because it made me feel worthy, and not worthless. The good that came out of that is that I finished a first draft on a novella. And also plotted out the next book in the series. That felt so incredibly good.
But I'm feeling the lack of yarn creativity too now. And as weekend is fast approaching, I've made some decisions about how I hope to spend it. I hesitate to use the dreaded plan word, and, as you know, I have good reason for that. But here goes:
There's a sale at my LYS. After work and a stop at the bank, I intend heading over there. I need a little yarn shopping therapy.
I intend to get a couple of my next reviews written this weekend.
I intend to yarn.
I intend to edit.
And so, I intend to have a very good weekend. Because doing the things that I love and that I'm good at will remind me that I am worthy.
I'm sorry for that.
There's been a lot in my live, actually, that I've let go in favor of other things. And today, it's certainly hitting me with a lack of balance. I need to get back on track. I need to budget my time better. But we all know I'm not great about that. I'm trying though. Today, I'm making an effort to make a change.
A week ago, someone said some very hurtful things to me, treated me like I was a piece of trash, and that hurt lingered for a long while. It's still lingering, if I'm completely honest.
It's no secret that I can get down on myself. That I can spiral to the dark place and that I allow self-pity to overwhelm. I don't need any help getting there. So, yes, I was down. I was also angry. Because it's one thing if I send myself there. It's another thing entirely for someone else to try and make me feel that way. In this instance, I got mad as well as sad and it was a dizzying combination.
Because of that, I threw myself into writing mode, because that felt good. Because I felt accomplished. Because it made me feel worthy, and not worthless. The good that came out of that is that I finished a first draft on a novella. And also plotted out the next book in the series. That felt so incredibly good.
But I'm feeling the lack of yarn creativity too now. And as weekend is fast approaching, I've made some decisions about how I hope to spend it. I hesitate to use the dreaded plan word, and, as you know, I have good reason for that. But here goes:
There's a sale at my LYS. After work and a stop at the bank, I intend heading over there. I need a little yarn shopping therapy.
I intend to get a couple of my next reviews written this weekend.
I intend to yarn.
I intend to edit.
And so, I intend to have a very good weekend. Because doing the things that I love and that I'm good at will remind me that I am worthy.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Stuff and Things
I haven't posted in days because I didn't want to wallow in the hurt and the anger, and sadly, that was all I could think about. I was hurt, and I was angry and upset and a whole gamut of emotions, and I just didn't want to spew that all over here. But now I'm better, or getting there, and so I can talk about other things.
The weather was aboslutely glorious here yesterday and I drove home with the top down on the convertible and loved every second of it. It's been rainy and overcast today, but it hasn't dampened my mood overly much. I think it's actually Spring now, and that makes me happy. That's not to say that we aren't going to get a few cold days and/or a sprinkling of snow, but still. It's much better than the bitter cold of the winter.
Brub is going to graduate law school in a couple of weeks. I'm thrilled for him and so excited. He's even already got a job lined up. That's my Brub, so smart!
I haven't yarned in weeks. Been too focused on other things. But now that I'm getting some of those settled, I'll be able to get back to that soon. As usual, I have many a thing in the queue. Not the least of which is a baby blanket. I'm going to crochet it, just so I can get it done faster. I'm still debating on patterns though.
And as this goes up, I'm finishing the first draft on a novella.
That's all the news from my quarter. Hope you've all been doing well!
The weather was aboslutely glorious here yesterday and I drove home with the top down on the convertible and loved every second of it. It's been rainy and overcast today, but it hasn't dampened my mood overly much. I think it's actually Spring now, and that makes me happy. That's not to say that we aren't going to get a few cold days and/or a sprinkling of snow, but still. It's much better than the bitter cold of the winter.
Brub is going to graduate law school in a couple of weeks. I'm thrilled for him and so excited. He's even already got a job lined up. That's my Brub, so smart!
I haven't yarned in weeks. Been too focused on other things. But now that I'm getting some of those settled, I'll be able to get back to that soon. As usual, I have many a thing in the queue. Not the least of which is a baby blanket. I'm going to crochet it, just so I can get it done faster. I'm still debating on patterns though.
And as this goes up, I'm finishing the first draft on a novella.
That's all the news from my quarter. Hope you've all been doing well!
Friday, April 18, 2014
Road Trip
I have the day off of work today so I can go on a wee road trip to go see my nephew!
Haven't seen him in person since he was born, and he's almost six months old now! My how time flies! I'm excited, even if it means being cooped up in a car for a while. But I have my phone to play games and I'll bring some yarn, and it'll be all good, since I don't have to do any of the driving myself.
It's going to be a good day.
Enjoy your weekend everybody!
Haven't seen him in person since he was born, and he's almost six months old now! My how time flies! I'm excited, even if it means being cooped up in a car for a while. But I have my phone to play games and I'll bring some yarn, and it'll be all good, since I don't have to do any of the driving myself.
It's going to be a good day.
Enjoy your weekend everybody!
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
More Randoms
--I don't understand spam (mail, not the fake meat). I don't have a penis to enlarge. I don't care that bored housewives want to cheat with me. I certainly don't need supplemental insurance for my Medicare coverage (because I'm not old enough to have Medicare!) or a fake rolex. Nor do I need a mortgage, a loan, or products to make my hair shinier or lower my blood pressure. I'm glad they all end up in the spam folder and a quick click of the mouse makes them go away.
--Sometimes all I have for dinner is crackers and diet Pepsi. It's all I need or want.
--The weather got to 80 yesterday. Today, they are calling for snow. This is, sadly, typical for this time of year around here.
--I finally did my taxes last night. Way to get it in under the wire. It's not that it was hard, I was just lazy.
--Simon totally attacked me in the bathroom, got mad at me when he got a static shock from rubbing up again my pants, ran out of the bathroom two steps ahead of me, only to live up to his nickname Simon Underfoot. He flopped over right where I was about to step and then got mad again when my foot came down on his. Fortunately, I was prepared and though I couldn't stop the momentum, I was able to catch myself before actually stepping on him. He gave an indignant yowl...and then went back to acting like he would just die if I didn't give him loves. And how could I not?
--I hate waiting. I especially hate waiting when I've got other things I could do in the meantime but don't want to do them because I'm waiting for the other thing.
--I bought the yarn for the baby blanket. I'm currently waffling between two different patterns. I'll have to decide on something soon...but not quite yet.
--I randomly freak myself out over the stupidest shit.
--I wish I was better at punctuation.
--I'm going to write a character that talks like I do in real life so I can stop censoring myself when I write dialogue and inner monologue. I think people are going to think I'm just making shit up. He may be unbelievable. It's all true, I swear.
--I'm sure no one is surprised to hear that I want cookies.
--I already feel like this week should be over...and it's only Tuesday.
--Sometimes all I have for dinner is crackers and diet Pepsi. It's all I need or want.
--The weather got to 80 yesterday. Today, they are calling for snow. This is, sadly, typical for this time of year around here.
--I finally did my taxes last night. Way to get it in under the wire. It's not that it was hard, I was just lazy.
--Simon totally attacked me in the bathroom, got mad at me when he got a static shock from rubbing up again my pants, ran out of the bathroom two steps ahead of me, only to live up to his nickname Simon Underfoot. He flopped over right where I was about to step and then got mad again when my foot came down on his. Fortunately, I was prepared and though I couldn't stop the momentum, I was able to catch myself before actually stepping on him. He gave an indignant yowl...and then went back to acting like he would just die if I didn't give him loves. And how could I not?
--I hate waiting. I especially hate waiting when I've got other things I could do in the meantime but don't want to do them because I'm waiting for the other thing.
--I bought the yarn for the baby blanket. I'm currently waffling between two different patterns. I'll have to decide on something soon...but not quite yet.
--I randomly freak myself out over the stupidest shit.
--I wish I was better at punctuation.
--I'm going to write a character that talks like I do in real life so I can stop censoring myself when I write dialogue and inner monologue. I think people are going to think I'm just making shit up. He may be unbelievable. It's all true, I swear.
--I'm sure no one is surprised to hear that I want cookies.
--I already feel like this week should be over...and it's only Tuesday.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
The Lake
Today she has to work for a couple of hours and then we're hitting the craft store. I need a few accouterments to finish up some projects, and I still have gift cards to spend. She has a gift card too. I'm not sure how my feet feel about walking around a store, but one must suffer for one's passion. lol.
But the fresh air and the peaceful walk certain did me some good because I'm feeling a lot more settled. I certainly like that feeling. I need to remember it, so that when times get stressful, I can head out there and enjoy the peacefulness and get centered again.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Searching for Inspiration
I sort of don't know what to do with myself.
There's a couple of books I need to read, and there's yarning to be done, and words to be written. But I can't seem to make myself settle on any one thing. This ever happen to you? It seems to be happening to me with increasing regularity and I'm not happy about it at all.
It's sort of like...because I know I actually have to do it, I don't want to. Which makes me feel terribly childish. And yet I can't seem to change it. I think I've probably complained about this sort of thing before.
I just need to make myself start working on something, and then follow it through. But I'm also a little afraid that if I do, something will come along and make me have to stop what I'm doing. Because if I make plans, the universe comes along to mess with me. It's just how it works.
And I know Sis wants to make plans for today, but I don't want to do that either. I want to be inspired. I want something to strike me and then I just have no choice but to work on it. I don't think that's too much to ask for, right?
In other and unrelated news, I managed to fix the problem that was going on with my web browser that was causing slowness, and not letting me see videos, and making me loose words that I've written (which seriously fucking pissed me off) but it's all good now. Thank goodness.
There's a couple of books I need to read, and there's yarning to be done, and words to be written. But I can't seem to make myself settle on any one thing. This ever happen to you? It seems to be happening to me with increasing regularity and I'm not happy about it at all.
It's sort of like...because I know I actually have to do it, I don't want to. Which makes me feel terribly childish. And yet I can't seem to change it. I think I've probably complained about this sort of thing before.
I just need to make myself start working on something, and then follow it through. But I'm also a little afraid that if I do, something will come along and make me have to stop what I'm doing. Because if I make plans, the universe comes along to mess with me. It's just how it works.
And I know Sis wants to make plans for today, but I don't want to do that either. I want to be inspired. I want something to strike me and then I just have no choice but to work on it. I don't think that's too much to ask for, right?
In other and unrelated news, I managed to fix the problem that was going on with my web browser that was causing slowness, and not letting me see videos, and making me loose words that I've written (which seriously fucking pissed me off) but it's all good now. Thank goodness.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Getting In My Own Way
I do it all the time.
It's never intentional, of course. But my head is always getting in too deep, overthinking. And then I make things worse for myself. Way worse than they actually are.
I do it with yarn. I plan a project and I overthink and over analyze and before I know it, both me and the yarn are a hot mess. And then I give up or get frustrated and if I just took a breath and backed off, stopped worrying, I'd be fine.
I do it with writing. I spend so much time lost in the "everything I write is rubbish" that I can't see the good there. Or when changes need to happen, and I know they do, my stubbornness keeps me from doing it until I have no choice.
I do it with life. Overthink, over analyze, worry and fret until I'm so worked up I can't let anything go. I can't just enjoy.
I get in my own way sometimes. But I'm working on it.
It's never intentional, of course. But my head is always getting in too deep, overthinking. And then I make things worse for myself. Way worse than they actually are.
I do it with yarn. I plan a project and I overthink and over analyze and before I know it, both me and the yarn are a hot mess. And then I give up or get frustrated and if I just took a breath and backed off, stopped worrying, I'd be fine.
I do it with writing. I spend so much time lost in the "everything I write is rubbish" that I can't see the good there. Or when changes need to happen, and I know they do, my stubbornness keeps me from doing it until I have no choice.
I do it with life. Overthink, over analyze, worry and fret until I'm so worked up I can't let anything go. I can't just enjoy.
I get in my own way sometimes. But I'm working on it.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Reviews
So, now that it's all official-like, I'm going to talk about it because it felt like if I talked about it too soon then I would jinx it.
I'm a new reviewer over at Joyfully Jay!
I'd never really reviewed books before, other than in rambling Kris-like speak to my friends, so it was a little bit daunting. But also really exciting. It was something I always wanted to do because I love sharing books that I enjoyed. And letting people know if there are books to steer clear of. But it was also nerve wracking because everyone has their own tastes and there are books that I adore that other people can't stand, and vice versa. But I know that I peruse the review sites in the hopes that someone's review will make me want to read something, or if I was on the fence about buying a book, so I hope that my reviews will do the same for someone else out there.
It's been a fun experience so far, Jay and her crew have been awesomely welcoming, and I'm really excited to be a part of it.
My first review goes up today. I'm both nervous and excited. It's just my opinion though, so feel free to disagree.
I'm a new reviewer over at Joyfully Jay!
I'd never really reviewed books before, other than in rambling Kris-like speak to my friends, so it was a little bit daunting. But also really exciting. It was something I always wanted to do because I love sharing books that I enjoyed. And letting people know if there are books to steer clear of. But it was also nerve wracking because everyone has their own tastes and there are books that I adore that other people can't stand, and vice versa. But I know that I peruse the review sites in the hopes that someone's review will make me want to read something, or if I was on the fence about buying a book, so I hope that my reviews will do the same for someone else out there.
It's been a fun experience so far, Jay and her crew have been awesomely welcoming, and I'm really excited to be a part of it.
My first review goes up today. I'm both nervous and excited. It's just my opinion though, so feel free to disagree.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Nothing Much
It seems like there is a lot going on in my life right now, but every time I sit here ready to write about it, nothing comes out. *sigh* Sometimes, I am just at a loss for words. Which seems like it shouldn't happen to me of all people, but it does.
And the loss of words seems to be rampant across other parts of my life as well. I'm having trouble getting words on the page these days. Another one of my slumps, I suppose. I just have to have faith that I will get it back as I keep plodding along.
Saw Frozen this weekend and really adored it. Sven, the reindeer, has got to be one of my all time favorite characters. But I enjoyed the message and the songs as well. Yes, I'm still a kid at heart, and yes, Disney movies are still one of my favorite things. Sis and I watched it together, and there were a couple of times we got a bit nervous and hand to hold hands. I love that we can still be effected by movies.
There's a friend's birthday coming up in a few weeks that I need to yarn for but I'm still not completely decided on what to make. I need to get crackin' though. I'm sure you're just shocked and surprised to hear that. Story of my yarning life, right?
At any rate, I take comfort in the small things. The feel of hook and yarn in my hand, a good story, a hug from my family. And I've been getting all that in spades lately. So I'm happy and content, even if I need to get moving on some things. And it's a good place to be.
And the loss of words seems to be rampant across other parts of my life as well. I'm having trouble getting words on the page these days. Another one of my slumps, I suppose. I just have to have faith that I will get it back as I keep plodding along.
Saw Frozen this weekend and really adored it. Sven, the reindeer, has got to be one of my all time favorite characters. But I enjoyed the message and the songs as well. Yes, I'm still a kid at heart, and yes, Disney movies are still one of my favorite things. Sis and I watched it together, and there were a couple of times we got a bit nervous and hand to hold hands. I love that we can still be effected by movies.
There's a friend's birthday coming up in a few weeks that I need to yarn for but I'm still not completely decided on what to make. I need to get crackin' though. I'm sure you're just shocked and surprised to hear that. Story of my yarning life, right?
At any rate, I take comfort in the small things. The feel of hook and yarn in my hand, a good story, a hug from my family. And I've been getting all that in spades lately. So I'm happy and content, even if I need to get moving on some things. And it's a good place to be.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Being Brave
I like routine. I like tradition. I like things to be the same. I don't like change. I especially don't like change that happens out of the blue. I'm the girl that doesn't mind spoilers because I like to know what's coming. I don't like surprise parties. I don't like being made to guess. I like it when things go the way they are supposed to. There are certain foods I eat the exact same way every single time because that's how it's supposed to be.
I'm a bit set in my ways. And I'm an introvert. So, I don't like to draw any sort of attention to myself. I lurk. I watch. I often remain silent.
But the past few weeks, something has been different. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone on several occasions. I've done things that I normally wouldn't...because of fear or anxiety or simply because "that's not how it goes."
The actual things don't matter as much as the fact that I've done them. No, that's not true. They do matter. But the slightly more important part is that I took a step outside of my box and I've done things that I wouldn't have even a few months ago.
I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. And accomplished. And I like it.
I'm a bit set in my ways. And I'm an introvert. So, I don't like to draw any sort of attention to myself. I lurk. I watch. I often remain silent.
But the past few weeks, something has been different. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone on several occasions. I've done things that I normally wouldn't...because of fear or anxiety or simply because "that's not how it goes."
The actual things don't matter as much as the fact that I've done them. No, that's not true. They do matter. But the slightly more important part is that I took a step outside of my box and I've done things that I wouldn't have even a few months ago.
I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. And accomplished. And I like it.
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