The Kids

So.  I like babysitting for a few hours.  I get some baby snuggles and some loves and chase a couple of kids and change a few diapers and then I'm good to go.  Right?  

Eight hours is a long time.

I'm up before the sun because I've got kid duty today (don't even get me started on how that happened).  I can tell you it was especially hard to drag my bum out of bed.  And I was going to take them out but now I'm not sure if that's going to happen because I can't chase after both of them at the same time and I've yet to recruit some assistance.  

Ah well.  At any rate, I can tell you I'll be well and truly knackered by the time they leave.  I can only hope they have a good long nap today.  We shall see.  But I'm already looking forward to my nap.

Eight hours is a really long time.  

Cat and Yarn

 I came downstairs to this last night.  Apparently, Simon felt it was necessary to guard the salsa.  Actually, he's got this thing about being on counters.  That counter in particular.  It's like that his spot.  We tried to break him of the habit when we first got him.  We tried the evil squirt gun trick, but this cat actually likes water so that didn't work.  We tried positive reinforcement when he got down.  We tried just picking him up and moving him. But nothing worked.  Now, we just wipe down the counter when he gets down.  Why yes, we do spoil our cats, thank you for asking.  

And this was how I spent the majority of my weekend.  Some of the colors, unfortunately, are a little washed out, and I had a hell of a time trying to decide how to arrange the squares.  But Sis came to the rescue, and that's what she decided.  I had actually made the colored part of the squares a year or two ago.  And then it languished in unfinished land.  But I finally got inspired to finish it up.  It's my first truly knit/crochet combo pattern.  Really, it's simple enough.  I knitted the mitered squares, then crocheted around them in black, and crocheted them together.  It's not completely done yet, as you can tell.  You can see how it's still scunchy in some parts, because it needs to be blocked.  And I'm not done with the crocheted boarders.  It's about 30" X 40" right now, not very big.  But I'm going to make it bigger with the boarders until it's a nice lap size.  And then I can drape it over my legs while I sit and read.  That's the plan anyway.  

The good news is, I like it a hell of a lot better than I thought I would!

Social Interaction

Okay.

Family arriving in a few hours, and then...socializing.  Ugh.  It always turns into a big thing, which I can sort of understand because it's not all that often that they come down but...ugh again.

This afternoon, we're headed off to Auntie's house for pizza and wings and all sorts of hanging out.  Mostly, I'd rather just skip it.  But the guilt is strong in me so I feel I must go.  At least I like all these people, and that makes it a tiny bit easier.  But the house will be full and I'll be ready to crawl out of my skin and desperate to get home.  

I'm working on piecing together an lapghan I started a really long time ago, and now I'm anxious to get it done.  So, of course, this just interrupts that.  But I'll spend a few hours of my life talking with people, and then I'll be able to escape and hide again.  And that'll be a relief. 

But in the meantime, I have to shore myself up.  Because I don't do well in crowds, even when it's a crowd of people I like.  

Incoming...Yet Again

When I first got the news, I'll admit I was kind of pissed.  I didn't want them here, interrupting my weekend with their noise and their chaos.

Then, I got sort of excited.  Because it'll be nice to see them again.  And my aunt is coming this time as well, and she's my godmother and we have a special bond even if she makes me angry sometimes with her small minded views.

Now, I'm sort ambivalent to the whole thing.  They're coming, there's nothing I can do about it, and I'll just roll with it.  Hide away, write, read, yarn, not deal with anything I don't have to deal with.  It'll be all good.  

Fortunately, this time, it's only for two days and one night.  The chaos will reign supreme and then it will be over.  I can handle that.  I swear.

Maybe if I keep repeating it, it will become true.

At any rate, family is coming for a visit.  Wish me luck!

Whole Lotta Hurt

I've got a lot of hurt and anger swirling around inside.  And every time I think I'm over it, something happens to bring it up again.  Every time I think I've got a handle on it, I find out that I really, really don't.

You see, we're a really close knit family.  (no pun on the knit thing intended)  We always have been.  And I know that I've very lucky.  I know that not everyone has the unconditional support that I do.  So the blow of this is even more hurtful.

I'm not going to go into detail.  There's really no point in that.  But I will say that one of my family members is acting in an oblivious and hurtful way.  That person can't see that it's hurtful.  And that person can't hear us when we try to talk about it.

Right now, I'm at a loss as how to resolve it.  I don't know how to make myself feel better and I don't know how to get over it.  

Right now, I'm hurt.  And I'm angry.  Nothing I seem to do, say, or think is helping.  Not for me.  Not for other members of my family.  I don't know what to do. But I do know that something needs to give or the hurt and anger are just going to keep on festering.  

Relaxing

Sometimes there's nothing better than lying on the couch and watching TV.  And doing nothing else but actually watching.

I don't do enough of it.  I actually don't watch that much TV at all.  And when I do turn it on, I usually put in a movie or a show that I've seen dozens of times, because I want something to engage only part of my brain while I yarn.  But on Sunday, and again last night, I just put on one of those shows I've seen a lot--but haven't watched in a good long while--and actually just watched.  Vegged out, laid back, and just watched.

It was really kind of awesome.  And I've been enjoying the crap out of it.  In fact, I think I might do it again tonight.  No words, no yarn, just relaxing.  I think I deserve it a little bit.  

Spring Clean

I did a bit of Spring cleaning last night.  

While I'm not a fan of the actual process of cleaning, and admittedly often let it go too long, once it's all done?  Ah, that's a good feeling.  There's that sense of accomplishment that's just awesome.  And everything just looks better all neat and tidy.  

I'm a bit of a clutter-hound.  Everything just sort of piles up on surfaces.  I set things on the table when I'm done with them, or toss the wrapper or that extra bit of yarn there because I don't want to get up just yet, and then it stays there until eventually I get around to putting it away or tossing it in the trash.  Yeah, I'm one of those people.

But I went through and did a lot of picking up, and tossing, last night.  I dusted.  I vacuumed.  I even ran the wet mop over the floors.  And now everything is neat and tidy, and it looks good and feels good.  And I am happy.

Really shouldn't let it go as long next time.

We had some gorgeous weather earlier this week, and even though it's cold and a bit damp today (it rained all day yesterday and that's still lingering in the air) I have the windows open so the fresh breeze and blow through and freshen everything up.  And there's still a hint of rain on the air, and it smells good.  

All in all, I'm absolutely enjoying my morning.  Sitting in the nice clean house, with the windows open and a fresh breeze, and drinking my coffee.  Now all I need is a good book, and I'll be all set.

Hope everyone is set to enjoy the crap out of their weekends too!  May it be a good one for you!

Baby Blanket

Ta Da!  Baby blanket is done!  

You didn't think I'd do it, did ya?  But it's done and with plenty of time to spare.  I worked it with uneven stripes because I thought it gave it a fun and funky twist.  Just a little something different to give it a little flair.  So that's another project I can cross off the list!  Go Me!

And yes, working on it, without thinking too much, getting lost in the repetitive nature of the stitches...it really helped to center me.  I'm feeling better than I have in a couple of weeks.  And that is a great feeling.  

Decompressing

It seems we jumped over spring weather a bit.  Normally, we have several months of 60 and 70 degree weather before the humidity really climbs and we spend our days in the 80's and 90's.  But we've had some really hot days, though not quite as humid as it can get, and I have to say, I'm a little cranky with it.  I just have to remember how cold it was this winter, though, to appreciate the warmth.

But it sure makes me glad the next project up on my docket is the baby blanket.  

It's a small thing, relatively speaking, so it won't be all over my lap for a long period of time.  And they usually work up pretty quickly, especially with the yarn I'm going to use, so I'll be done in a matter of hours (maybe 10 or 12 of them) instead of days or weeks.  I'm almost entirely certain which pattern I'm going to use.  I even know right where it is!  As I'm feeling right now, I intend to start that tonight.  Put the TV on in the background and lose myself in the yarn.

I'm in need of some decompression time.  I haven't quite managed to get myself back to an even keel after all the craziness and emotional upheaval of the last week or so.  So I'm hoping that the easy and repetitive task of crocheting will help to center me.  It's worked in the past.  I expect it to work again.

Status Report

What I can tell you with absolute fact is that law school graduations are boring as all hell.  Even when there's a great deal of excitement surrounding them, they are still incredibly boring.  But I made it through, and I was extremely glad I was there.  And afterwards we had a lovely dinner out with all the best parts of the family in celebration.  
But I was glad when it was over, and all the excitement had died down.  There was an insane amount of hoopla, and chaos (though it was the good kind) and I was much relieved for it all to be over and I could decompress.  It's hard for me to be always "on" and I don't handle the whole thing very well.  There were moments where I had to "check out" for a bit.  Just get lost in my own head and block out everything that was going on around me.  

That doesn't mean that I wasn't taking notes about all the social interaction and people watching, and mentally plopping people into new stories, of course.  

The weekend felt a lot more hectic than it actually was.  Really, after the craziness of Friday, it was fairly low key.  Got to spend time with my baby brother (half brother, if you want to get technical), who flew in as a surprise for Brub, and who we don't get to see very often because he lives half way across the country.  In fact, it's been about four years since we last laid eyes on him.  But he's a fantastic human being (despite by whom he was raised) and he was a joy to have here.  And despite that he's younger than me by 14 years, he's quite a bit taller and kept a close, protective eye on his big sister.  He's one of the big reasons why I was able to stay sane in all the chaos.  

Now, life can get back to normal again, which will be nice.  And I can get back to the yarn and the words, without this looming over my head.  There is much work to be done.  And I'm looking forward to it.  

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to my mom--who is the best mom in the entire world--and to all the mothers out there.  May your day be filled with joy and celebration.

Graduation Day!

It's a big deal, to graduate from Law School.

Brub is 7th in his class.  Well done, Brub!  

Of course, there's going to be a lot of sitting around and doing nothing and waiting.  But our cousin gets to put Brub's hood on, during the ceremony, because she's a lawyer too.  She's so freaking excited for him, it's adorable.  

After all the waiting, and the ceremony, that's when the fun can begin.  We're having a wonderful celebratory dinner.  And visiting with the close relatives.  I'm going to do my damnedest to do that, and not dwell on the other, hurtful things.  

Wish me luck!  And send Brub a congrats!

Pomp and Circumstance

I'm not doing so well on the whole putting up posts thing, am I?

I've been very scattered lately.  I'm having trouble focusing on any one thing for any length of time.  

On top of that, there's a big to-do tomorrow: Brub graduates from Law School!  Huzzah!  We're all super proud of him, and very excited for him and his future.  But it's not the ceremony, of course.  After that, there's a party.  As well there should be.

But you know me and crowds...

So I'm not looking forward to all the hoopla of the afterwards.  Big crowds of people, needing to be "on" and socializing...Yeah, I'm shuddering just thinking about it.  I can fake it, but I'm going to be drained--physically and emotionally--by the end of it.

On top of all that, there's more drama...the kind that hurt me several weeks ago.  I'm not going to hash it all out, but I'm certainly having to shore myself up, be brave, and do what is best for me.  I don't want a confrontation, that serves no one, so I'm going to have to employ the "walk away" technique. I've been visualizing it in my head, so I think that if the need should arise, I'll be able to tactfully say that I don't have to take that kind of attitude/abuse, and then walk away.

But at any rate: Graduation!  Yay Brub!  Congrats!

Food Day

There are only 14 people in my office. So we take birthdays very seriously.  Whenever someone's birthday comes up, there is cake or dessert of the person's choice, and we order lunch from that person's favorite place, all of us chipping in to cover birthday person's lunch.  It's fun and nice.

In May, there are no birthdays.

But we didn't want to go a whole month without having a celebration, so we decided to appropriate Cinco de Mayo and have us a food day.  There is so much food, good food, that I'm going to be grazing all day.

I'm pretty sure they'll have to roll me home.

I mean, I've already eaten way too much food, that I had to get up and take a walk just to get it to settle.  But it's a fun celebration, and it's nice that everyone has brought in something different.  And it's really good that everyone is such a good cook, because everything tastes awesome.  

And makes us all feel a lot more connected.   

The Weirdness of Cats

Simon loves the bathroom.  I'm pretty sure it's his favorite room in the whole house.  And when I find him asleep in the dirty clothes basket, well, that I can understand.  But when he's stretched out on the bathmat in front of the sink, I have to wonder why.  It's not a cushy one, it's thin like a towel, so why does he like to lay there?  He also likes to sit on the counter next to the sink.  

And if I have to go pee?  He races me in and then hides behind the toliet like I can't see him.  Then the instant I sit down, he comes out like "Surprise!" and rubs up against my legs, wanting pets.  Then gets mad when I'm done and get up and walk away.

He knows the bathroom is a source of water, and since we spoil him, when he jumps up on the sink and sticks his face under the socket, we'll turn the water on to a trickle so he can drink.  And this is one cat who doesn't hate water.  Oh no, not Simon.  He likes to jump in the bathtub after someone has had a shower so he can play in the puddle.  And when he's on the sink and in my face when I wash my hands, I'll pour water over his head and he just closes his eyes likes it's the most awesome thing ever.  

This morning when I locked him out of the bathroom, he sat outside the door and yowled like I had mortally offended him for not letting him in.  He's got quite a yowl too, as he is half Siamese and sometimes makes those weird calls that Siamese are prone too, but they are tempered and twisted a bit from his tabby half.  When I was done, and opened the door, he gave me that indignant cat glare, walked in haughtily, and flopped down on the bath mat.  I don't think he appreciated my laughter, because he didn't beg for pets.  

Cats are strange.  Mine are at the top of the list.

Here's my boy: Looking regal.