Whining about Yarn

I'm not so good at creating my own patterns.  A big part of that is because I'm mathily challenged.  Math is a big part of knitting or crocheting and you would think that I'd have enough practice by now to be good at it.  But I'm not.  I wish I was though, because I can't find a pattern that I like.

Part of my brain is always taken up by the yarn.  I think you won't be surprised to hear that, yeah?  And now that I've got my fabulous yarn from Scotland, I've been contemplating what to make and how I want to make it.  I know I want to do a shawl for Auntie.  I know I want to do it top down.  But the dynamics of it are failing me.  I found a fabulous formula to work anything top down, and it is great, but I want some sort of lacy pattern and it's eluding me.  I can't find a pattern that I like that's also in the yarn weight that I have.  I cannot figure out how to put in my own lacy pattern between the increases and keep the lace even.  

I'm good at this stuff!  I'm an excellent crafter!  I'm a freaking yarn maven!  So why the hell can't I figure it out?!

*whimper*

Okay, okay.  I know.  It's a silly thing to be whining over.  What I really want to happen it to be able to just type what I want into the search engine and for exactly what I'm looking for to pop up.  I know, it's a pipe dream.

I want to stretch the yardage as far as I can since it's a one time deal.  It's not like I can just run to the store and get more.  If push comes to shove, I'll just work it on bigger needles than the yarn calls for and it'll have an open work feel.   

I'll figure something out.  I know I will.  I just wish I knew what already.  Anybody have any suggestions or tips to help me out?