Social

I actually have to be sociable today.

There's family coming in and even though I adore them it's gonna be loud and crazy and just...I'm not used to it and it makes me a little nuts.  I'm told, though, I can sit on the couch and knit and as long as I'm a part of the crazy, even if it's on the periphery, then I'll be forgiven.  So Sis's blanket will act as a shield and maybe I'll actually get a bunch of it done!  See?  There's a silver lining.

On the downside?  I'll have to spend this morning picking up and vacuuming and then the afternoon/evening knitting and pretending to be sociable and I haven't written Jared and Liam's next episode yet.  Now, I don't know if I'll get it done in time for tomorrow.  And I feel absolutely horridly wretched about that.  Because I haven't missed a Monday since this whole thing started a little more than three ago (the break between stories not withstanding) and I should have planned better, of course.  But the family was a sneak attack visiting, we weren't expecting them to drop by.  

That does not mean that there won't be an episode this week!  If I don't get an opportunity to write it today then I'll write it tomorrow and you can tune in Tuesday for a 24 hour delayed ep.  I promise.  

Pretty

I got nothing.  So you can have a picture of my garden.  And see that the petunias and snapdragons are growing like weeds.  The marigolds will take over by fall.  And apparently, I have some gladiolas trying to come up...guess I didn't dig them all up.

 
 

For Me

So, I'm working on this shawl, right?  The one I started to play with some techniques so I could get a feel for it when I finally get to Auntie's shawl?  Yeah, it's totally going to be for me.  It's very plain, nothing too exciting about it, just garter stitch and yarn overs.  But it's this lovely royal blue color (blue is totally my signature color) and I bought the yarn at my LYS at my shopping excursion after my birthday.  I had thought, when I bought it, that I would make me some fingerless mitts (been meaning to make myself a pair for years!) but *shrugs* it just started being a shawl.  I don't know that, when I started it, I intended to finish it or just play for a bit and then frog it all and use the yarn for something else.  But now, it's going to get finished, eventually, and it will be for me.  I'm gonna get me a shawl pin, too.

I found this site The Shawl Pin Store when I decided Auntie needed a shawl pin to go with hers.  And I want, like, 3/4 of the things there.  Just want to buy them all.  Like, when I was looking, for a minute my brain went "This could be our new thing, we can make a bunch of shawls and get all sorts of pins."  I had to tell my brain to shut up.  

It gets cold at work.  During the winter, sure, but also during the summer because of the air conditioning and there's a vent that blows right on my desk.  And the other day, when I was chilly, I thought, "If I had that shawl, it'd be perfect right now."  I have a cardigan at work but that was too warm.  I just needed a little something.

So, yeah, the shawl is for me.  That makes the total of things I've made myself up to five.  No, wait, six.  *nods*  Two blankets, a halter top, a scarf, a lacy cardigan type sweater, and now a shawl.  Go me!

Let's Talk About Tropes

Tropes make me happy and I could use a lot of happy right now, so that's the topic of discussion today!

I've had lots and lots of plot bunnies running 'round my brain lately.  But the thing is, they sort of fall into a set number of tropes.  And, funnily enough, it just so happens they are the tropes that I like to read the best...imagine that!  So, I thought I'd talk about a few of my very favorites... you know, the ones I'll buy and read just based on the trope even if the story is bad?  Yeah, those ones.

Friends to lovers--Love it.  Yeah.  We two people are friends first and then it develops into love, that just flips my switch.  Especially when it's a slow gradual build up and then it's like bam!  Not only are they in love but they've been in love and didn't realize it.  Makes me grin.

Reunited Lovers--okay, I admit it. I'm a real sucker for this one.  Lovers that are apart for whatever reason and then their paths cross again years later and the fire is rekindled and it's better than it ever was.  My very favorite incarnation of this trope is when one of the MC's did something seemingly horrible and it caused all sorts of resentment and anger and pain and then when the lovers reunite, and the truth comes out, and then there's forgiveness and love that so strong...happy sigh.

Fated Mates--This is my favorite version of love at first sight.  I'm a fan of the paranormal, this is not a secret, and I love the idea of there being one person out there that's perfect for you.  This leap, for me, is easy to make and I can suspend belief entirely to jump on the fated mate bandwagon.  Here we have two MCs that are destined to be together.  I like it when there's a little struggle and conflict before the happily ever after. (Though I will say that when the two MCs meet and then five and half seconds later they are proclaiming their undying love for each other irks me.  Can we at least get to know each other first?!)

The Virgin Hero--Need I say more?  One MC has little to no experience, the other gets to show exactly how amazing love can be.  Swoon worthy.  Plus, when they get to the end and are in forever and ever kind of love and that little virgin no more hero will only have been with one person, the person they love, for his/her entire life?  There's something so wholly romantic about that.

The Broken Hero--Okay, this one hits every last one of my hot buttons.  I'm a complete and total gooey mess for the broken man (for me, it doesn't work quiet as well with a broken heroine...if that makes me sexist, so be it).  Whether its mental or physical, I don't care.  He's got scars and he needs to be healed.  And love is what's going to do it!

So yeah, there's my top five.  I like it when they mix and match a bit, too.  I've written stories in each of those tropes.  I've written ones that combine two of those tropes.  You think I could combine all five?  Virgin friends who become lovers and realize they are fated mates but circumstance force them apart until years later when one of them is broken which is the perfect opportunity for them to reunite...Set it during holiday time and you've got my favorite book ever.

How about you?  Any favorite tropes?  Any that really annoy you and you steer clear of if you can help it?

Top Down Knitting

It was a little too hot this past weekend to work on Sis's blanket, though I did a little, so I started playing with some yarn and different patterns instead.

Top down knitting is just what it sounds like...you start at the top and work down to the bottom as opposed to the more traditional starting at the bottom and working your way up.  When you're making a garment, this method allows two big bonuses: you can try the work on as you go, if it's that sort of thing, and you can stop when you run out of yarn, if it's that sort of thing.

For Auntie's birthday, which is in January, I'm planning a shawl with some of the Scottish yarn that's coming my way.  I usually make her something for her birthday...I've done a shawl in the past, really more like a shawlette, and an afghan and a scarf.  So even though I've made her a shawl before, I'm doing another one because it'll be special because of the yarn.  She also likes something around her shoulders sometimes, so this will give her options.  Options are always good.  

I want to work top down because I'm not entirely certain how far the yarn will go.  With this method, I can work until I'm out of yarn and it will be a complete garment.  Working bottom up can also work that way, with this particular style, but top down, to me, seems to have a more finished look to it.  As opposed to, say, looking like you just bound off when you ran out of yarn.  Plus, top down has a border edge on the edge that lays across your shoulders and over your arms instead of just a bind off row, which seems a bit more sturdy.  I've found a ton of different patterns for this kind of knitting, none of which I absolutely love, so I'm combining a few different techniques and seeing what happens.  I even found an absolutely fabulous website to get a shawl pin or stick to go with it!  I won't pick or buy anything until I have the thing completed so that I can see what works best, but still, I now have source.  And they have all sorts of other closures, too.  I'm thinking I'll be visiting there a lot in the future.  

But I don't have the yarn yet, and her birthday is some months away yet.  So right now, it's more about playing and making design decisions as a way to occupy my time when it's too hot and/or I don't want to work on Sis's blanket.     

Soul Bond: Part 5

Once again, it's Monday.  This right here?  Putting up the next episode?  It's the only part of Mondays that I enjoy.

I think I've figured out what to do with Jared...maybe.  We'll see how it all comes out.  That's what happens with the way I'm writing these serials.  I'm discovering things right along with you.  

Click the label if you want to catch up.

Enjoy!

7 Weeks, 2 Days

In 7 weeks and 2 days, I'll know, one way or the other, if my first attempt at getting published is successful or not.

I'm going a little crazy.

Next time?  Next time I'm going to submit a little closer to the deadline, I think. Just so I don't go bug nuts crazy in the meantime.

Hiding

I'm more honest and open here on the blog than I am in real life.

There are very few people in my life who know that I write.  Even fewer still who know that a lot of what I write is M/M romance.  I'm not ashamed of what I write.  Part of it is that I don't talk about it with people so that they don't either A) pressure me to send things out to publishers or B) make those comments about how it's easy to write or that romance books aren't "real" writing.  And yes, there is that small part of me that is avoiding having the "But you're straight, and a girl" conversations. (Of which, I've had a few, with people that find out I read M/M.  I try to tell them that love is love, and everyone should be able to love who they want without fear, but, for some reason they agree and still don't understand why I read gay romance.)

I can count the number of people on one hand that actually even know I have a blog.  Literally.  There are five.  I think it's because I'm so open here...and I don't want people to know.  I know I'm hiding.  I know it.  But it feels so very much safer to let them only have the parts of me that make us all comfortable.

I will say that I fly my geek flag a lot more proudly than I used to.  It used to be a tightly guarded secret.  But now, though I don't talk it about it a lot, I have no problem raising it up and waving it around when the topic comes up.  

The people who I'm closest to, who I can trust, know all the bits of me (except the blog in some instances).  Part of not sharing it with everyone is about protecting myself from unnecessary negativity.  But part of it is just hiding.  

That makes me feel like a coward.  And I don't know if I'm brave enough or strong enough to change that.  

H.D.T

I started collecting quotes in middle school.

When I was about 15 and of my own volition, I read Walden and fell in love.  Here are some of my favorite quotes by Henry David Thoreau:


"Friends...they cherish one another's hopes.  They are kind to one another's dreams."

"It is never too late to give up our prejudices."  

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

"There is no remedy to love but to love more."

"Ignorance and bungling with love are better that wisdom and skill without."

"The heart is forever inexperienced."

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours."

"Dreams are the touchstone of our character."

"Do not worry if you have built castles in the air.  They are where they should be.  Now put the foundations under them."

"How can any man be weak who dares to be at all?"


 

The Ticking Clock

So last night, I made dinner, right?  

Wait, let me back up.

Yesterday afternoon I'm sitting there trying to think of what I should make for dinner, right?  We always end up eating the same things over and over again so I was trying to think of something different.  I started googling dinner-like things but everything I came across made me go blech.  Bit of info here: I'm not particularly adventurous in my food tastes.  I know what I like, I'll eat what I like, and I don't stray very far.  But I wanted something different, right?  So I think, "I like casseroles, I like cooking casseroles, let's see if I can find a casserole."  Back to Google and then I find a fuckton of casseroles.  But like 90% of them are chicken, which I don't care a lot for, and we ate chicken the night before so I dismiss those.  And the other 9.9%?  Stuff I won't eat.  But then!  Then I find a bacon potato cheesy casserole thing  and I'm like, ding ding ding!  We have a winner!  So I stop at the store on the way home from work, get the stuff, and come home.  A bit of prep work and I pop it in the oven.  

Whilst it's baking, I pull out Sis's blanket and I start working on it.  But the timer is going, right?  So I know when I have to take the casserole out.  And it's just ticking away.  And, well, I couldn't help myself.  I glanced at the clock at the beginning of a row.  I peek again at the end of the row.  Roughly eight minutes.  So, then, next row, I'm constantly glancing at the clock as I'm working.  Pretty much eight minutes again.  Well, after that?  I'm all, obsessively glancing at the clocking thinking "Okay, I've got six more minutes to finish this row, I've got three and half minutes to finish this row, fuck! only forty seconds!  Move! Move! Move! Gotta finish this row!"

So even though I was totally stressing myself out, I was also having a great deal of fun.  Because every time I finished a row within that 8 minute time limit I was seriously satisfied with myself.  And then I got to do it all over again.  I only got, like, six rows done because the casserole only had to cook for an hour and I needed to set the table and stuff.  But, really, I was amusing myself something fierce.

Alas, because I was obsessively timing myself, my brain was occupied and didn't wander into story territory.  But that's okay.  There's always today, right?

And, if you were wondering, dinner was pretty damn tasty!     

Trouble

I've got myself into a bit of trouble.  Actually, I've got two bits of trouble.

The first?  Well, I haven't worked much on Sis's blanket.  At all.  I've still got six skeins to go.  I can't seem to make myself work on it.  I really need to.  But there always seems to be something else I'd rather be doing.  And the trouble is...well, in a couple of weeks, I'll be getting my exciting Scottish yarn and I'm so gonna want to play with that instead.  And If I don't get Sis's blanket done, I can't.  Well, I'd even be satisfied if I made a bunch of progress because then I could justify taking some time out to play with new yarn.  So, I really need to crack the whip and get working.  Or else I'm going to be in a world of hurt.  Either because I'll be denying myself the new pretty and it'll be like a physical ache not getting to create with it.  Or because I'll give in and I'll play with the new yarn and Sis will punch me in my face.  I don't want to get punched in the face.  I'm not particularly vain or anything, but I like my visage unmarked.  Plus, I think that would really hurt and...sorry, I sort of drifted there.

The other spot of trouble?  Well...I don't know what I'm going to do with Jared.  The way I thought it was going doesn't seem like it's going to go that way and I have no idea how I'm going to accomplish what I was thinking was going to happen.  Yes, in case you were wondering, I can vague that up some more.  *g*.  Anyway, I know the salient details of what's going to happen in the next couple of episodes so I can write those...except, I have to figure out this missing piece or else I think it's all going to fall apart.  Welcome to the inner workings of an author's mind.  Don't fret.  I will figure it out.  I always do.  It's just that, right here and now, I've hit the wall (I don't say the words writer's block out loud) and it's giving me fits.  I've got the scaffolding materials...I just have to figure out how they fit together so I can build it nice and solid so it will support me as I climb over the wall.  Oh, how's that for some purple prose?  Eh, I thought it was a pretty good analogy.  But purple prose is excellent alliteration, isn't it?  I like alliteration.  I think it's a splendid use of words.  It makes me happy when...

...wait.  I'm totally getting off topic.  Okay!

So, yeah, bit of trouble I'm in.  And I'm a bit wary of making any real plans, as you may well know, but I think having a goal as far as the yarn goes is not really a plan, per se.  Especially if I'm smart about it and don't put too tight a deadline on it.  And the good thing is when I'm lost in the kind of monotony (and believe me when I say that this blanket is the very definition of monotonous), my brain tends to wander and when my brain wanders, it usually heads right into story territory.  So maybe, if I'm lucky and the muses cooperate with me and each other, I'll be able to kill two birds with one stone.  Which is a horrible idiom when you think about it.  Avian murder is not nice!  Would that be called avicide?  I'm totally making up words now. 

So far off topic again.

Yes, I'm in trouble.  I'm going to have to get myself out of it.  I just have to be smart about it.

When I was three, I asked my mother if I was smart enough to go to Yale (do not ask me how I even knew Yale existed, because I don't know).  She answered, very seriously, that if I was smart enough to ask that question, I was smart enough to go to Yale.

I did not go to Yale.  

Yeah, I'm in trouble all right.  

Lightning Strike

You ever have an idea strike out of the blue and it makes you sit up a bit straighter and go "oh!" and you get lost in contemplating it?  Yeah, I love it when that happens to me and it doesn't happen as often as I would like.  It's happened to me twice recently, both in relation to writing.

The first time, a week or so ago, the plot bunny slammed into me and I had to stop and think and I was pleased.  I mulled it over during the day and I started writing when I got home from work.  This is the other thing I said I was working on and I really think it's coming together.

Yesterday morning, I was sitting at the the table, drinking my coffee and perusing the blogs and then, out of the blue, it just slammed into me.  Literally sat up straighter and cocked my head to the side and my eyes kind of got unfocused as I saw it play out.  I'm not sure what triggered it but it was a missing piece to something that's been bouncing around in the back of my brain for a while.  

Even though I'm well aware I'm getting way ahead of myself, I'm thinking there's going to be a fourth tale in what I am now calling the Boulder Practitioner series.  

Soul Bond: Part 4

The next episode.  

It's weird how I see things in my head.  Normally, I have trouble getting onto the page exactly like I see it.  I had the same problem with this ep, but actually, it turned out a little better than I saw it.  I hope.

Catch up by clicking the label in the side bar!

Productive Saturday

I worked on Sis's blanket (not enough) until I was bored out of my skull and had to put it down.

I wrote down the next episode of Soul Bond to go up tomorrow.

I worked a bit on the other writing thing I've got going on.  It's coming together, I think.

I took a nap.

I read a book.

I got lost in the time suck that is the internet and looked at dozens upon dozens of patterns for baby sweaters.  I hated them all and decided I may have to get a pattern book.  

I sat down to dinner with Mom and Sis.  It was very nice.

I putzed a bit more on the internet, and wrote a little more, and read a little more in the hours between dinner and bed.

And I spent those drifting off to sleep moments watching my characters play out a scene for me that I really like.  Now, I'm going to try to get it on the page.

All in all, it was a fairly productive day yesterday.  And I'll see if I can keep that going today.   

KAL

A KAL, or knit-a-long, is when a group of people all make the same thing, using the same pattern, the same yarn (usually) and there's an end date to when the project must be completed.  It's a mostly solitary thing, there are a lot done online, with discussions and the like to bitch and moan and commiserate and share tips and tricks and offer help.  And when it's done, everyone shares pics of their completed projects with one another.

I got an email from my LYS that they are sponsoring a KAL and I thought, "Oh!  How perfect!  This is a way for me to get involved but not be really involved and it's just a little bit involved and I only have to come out of my shell a little.  Baby steps are good."

Except the timing is all wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Because, you see, deadline is July 12 and I'd have to run over to the LYS right this very minute and get the yarn and start knitting like crazy.  Which would be fine except for the fact that there is a very (incredibly) large afghan that I'm supposed to be working on and I'm not supposed to be doing anything else until I get that done.  

See?  Bad timing.

I can only hope that they get a good response and they will do another one in the future.  And that I am brave enough to jump in and do it if/when that happens.

On the upside, I've ordered yarn from a wee shop in Scotland.  I'm finally getting 100% real live Scottish yarn.  Made from the wool of Scottish sheep and processed and spun in Scotland.  I'm so excited about it.  Like, if I had a tail, it would be wagging.

I was a bit surprised at the pounds to dollars exchange rate (damn, the dollar is weak) so it's not something that I would do a lot of, buying from there.  I'll have to settle for buying Rowan at my LYS.  But there is going to be some incredibly lovely yarn coming my way.  I already know what I'm going to do with some of it (Auntie's birthday is in January) and the rest of if will be for me.  I swear this time.  I bought the color, a pretty blue, and the fiber (or should I say fibre?) of Shetland and cashmere just for me.

Which, of course, means I need to get cracking on Sis's afghan because I'm sure as hell gonna wanna play with that yarn when it arrives.       

The Gift of Getting

Ever have anyone do something for you that was wholly unexpected but so very thoughtful and you were just touched all the way down to the soles of your feet?

Happened to me yesterday.  I got a very unexpected and absolutely perfect gift, which is doubly amusing considering what yesterday's post was about, and I'm still smiling about it.  Even though I said yesterday that I love getting presents, I had forgotten just how special it makes you feel.

I'm a lucky woman.  I'm blessed to have awesome people in my life.  I can't even put into words just how...valued I feel.

Sometimes all it takes is someone taking a little time and a little thought to remind you that you are worthy.      

The Gift of Giving

If you don't know the feeling I'm talking about, then, I have to admit, I feel a little sorry for you.

I like getting gifts, I'm not going to lie.  Receiving something someone else has picked out for you is pretty awesome.  But for me, the greater joy is giving a gift. I love that moment when someone opens the gift and their eyes light up and they are just so very pleased with it.  It totally makes my day when that happens.

Now, with the gifts I make, I go through this terrible cycle, vacillating back and forth between being absolutely certain that they are going to love the crap out of it and being absolutely certain it sucks donkey balls and they are going to hate it.  I don't know why I do this because no one has ever told me that they've hated something...well, except my mother who didn't actually hate it, but just thought the afghan had too many holes and wouldn't use it by itself, only on top of another blanket but anyway...

If anybody has actually hated my gifts, they fake it well for me.  And if I don't ever see them wearing my gift, if it's a wearable item, I just tell myself that they wear it when I don't see. 

But that moment of joy, when they tell me they love it and it's perfect?  When they are so happy that I've given them something that they adore?  Yeah, that's the moment of awesome right there.  I save those moments in my brain and pull them out when I'm feeling low.  Knowing I made someone else happy makes me happy. 

Mental Health Day

I have taken the day off of work.  Originally, I did it because I thought I would be babysitting, but I don't have to and I decided to keep the day off anyway.  A mental health day.

Can I just say how hard it was to go into work yesterday knowing that I had today off?  I kept thinking I should have just taken both days.  But I went to work and I worked hard and then I came home.

And now, no work today.  So coffee first, of course.  And then I'm gonna spend the day doing what I feel like doing, if I feel like doing it.  And only if I feel like doing it.

It's my favorite way to decompress.  

Soul Bond: Part 3

Episode three, for you consumption.  

Tell me, was it worth the wait?

Click the label in the side bar if you need to catch up.  

Vampires vs. Werewolves

I'm a supernatural snob.  I won't deny it.  If I'm going to enjoy a tale about preternatural creatures, then the vampires or werewolves need to act a certain way.  I'm lenient, it's true.  There are certain things I will forgive or ignore if the rest of the tale is good.  But the basics?  They have to fit.  

My vampires have to be limited by the sun, a stake through the heart incapacitates or kills them, they need human blood to survive, and their fangs should be retractable because, let's face it, who wants a vampire with a lisp?  I prefer it if they use the fangs to pierce veins and then suck with their mouths; fangs as straws kind of irritates me.  The rest of it can be McGuffin, whatever pleases the author/screen writer can work.  As long as the essentials are there.

Werewolves need to be able to shift whenever (though feeling the pull of a full moon or having no choice but to shift then is acceptable) and I really want them to be sentient when they shift.  They need to be big on scenting and touching.  And there needs to be a hierarchy within the pack.  It needs to be more that just the Alpha is the Alpha and everybody else falls under him/her.  I'm not a big fan of the instantaneous shift, it should take a least a minute or two and when clothes magically disappear and reappear with the shift, I wrinkle my nose.  And some of their wolflike tendencies should filter over into their human form as well.  I'm also a proponent of conservation of body mass.  A slightly bigger than normal wolf is fine but a ginormous wolf?  No thank you.

There are a lot of people out there that prefer one or the other.  They are either solidly in the vampire camp or the werewolf camp.  I see it a great deal with my own circle of people.  But me?  I'm an equal opportunity supernatural lover.  I like 'em both and want to read about or watch them both.  As long as they are done mostly right, of course.

What about you?  Do you enjoy the preternatural?  Do you have a preference as to which creature is your favorite?  

Harassment

Sis is harassing about the blanket again.

Last night she mentioned it at least seven times.  It's amazing the way she can work it, and it's need to get finished, into conversation.  It makes me want to not finish it just to make her suffer longer.  What can I say?  I have a bit of evil in me.  

Alas, I can't be evil for long and I want it done, too.  Four hours a skein, seven skeins to go...I can get it done in 28 hours.  14 hours of knitting a day makes me want to stab myself in the eye...but nine hours is a bit more manageable.  Sort of.  Maybe.  

Okay, we all know I don't have that kind of patience for something that bores me out of my skull.  So, we'll just keep plodding along.  And see if we can't spend a good portion of today and tomorrow on the blanket.

I'll just have to think of a suitable reward for myself once I finally get the beast done.

But first, coffee.     

Dream A Little Dream

You know when you're really tired and you can barely keep your eyes open and you get into bed and the sheets feel perfect and you settle down in exactly the right spot and you start to drift off almost immediately and within ten minutes you're fast asleep?

Yeah, I love that.

I've heard people say they dream in black and white.  I've heard people say their dreams are mundane.  I've heard people say they don't remember what they dream at all.  That is not the case for me.

My dreams are vivid.  I'm talking like, 3D technicolor awesome.  The weirdest shit goes on during my dream movies and, while I don't remember everything I dream, I do remember whatever I'm dreaming when I cycle back up and wake up.  Always.  

In my dreams, sometimes I'm watching the action and sometimes I'm the main character.  And sometimes, I flop back and forth in the POVs.  This head hopping annoys me as much as when I read a book and the POV switches without a designated and defined break.  

I don't have reoccurring dreams, per se.  I do, however, have reoccurring themes.  Sometimes, I'm driving and I can't stop the car.  I'm standing up on the break, pressing it for all I'm worth, and the car slows and I can control it but I can't make it stop.  I have dreams that I'm hiding in my grandmother's house from a killer trying to break in and axe murder me or that some of my teeth fall out and I can't get them to go back in where they are supposed to.  The salient details are always different in these dreams but the themes are the same.

I've done research about the themes and I guess they are right.  But honestly I don't put a whole lot of stock in that.  Because, no matter what I'm dreaming, it's seriously like a movie and the fact of the matter is, I love experiencing them.  I love dreaming.

Except the time I had a dream where I was kidnapped and the fear I felt lingered for a while after I woke up.  *shudders*  I did not like that.

But my favorite?  My favorite dreams are when I've been watching a show or movie or reading a book and then I dream about the characters...a whole new plot or whatever and I'm involved in the story line. That's just awesome.  And yes, I have dreamed about my own characters and what I saw made it into the plot.

Honestly, I think the reason I like to sleep, and to nap, so much, is because I know when I do, I'll dream.           

Thursday Again

This week, I've been having to go to work an hour earlier than normal.  I get out an hour earlier too, which is nice.  But that hour earlier in?  I've gotten used to putzing around before work, surfing the web, checking in on blogs, and drinking coffee before I go to work.  So, I'm having to get up earlier, even though I would make it in time if I didn't, because I still want to have my coffee and blog surfing.

I'm tired.  That hour less of sleep is catching up.

But it's Thursday and I'm looking forward to the weekend already.  I'll work on Sis's blanket some, because I promised, and laze around as much as possible.  That'll be good.  I'll probably work on Soul Bond too, because the boys are still talking to me.  I really love that.

Next week, I have Tuesday off (thought I was going to have to babysit but now I don't) so it's something to look forward to as well.  Sis think I can work on her blanket then, too.  We'll see.

At any rate, I'm not making any real plans.  I think maybe I've learned my lesson.

Oranges

A couple of years ago, Sis worked bad hours; from 1 PM to 11 PM.  One night (it was a Friday or a Saturday, I don't remember which) I got a hankering for oranges.  It was winter, the roads were kinda crappy, and I asked her to stop at the store on her way home to get oranges...she went right past the store to get to home.  She said no.  I promised her I wouldn't peel them around her (she says citrus gives her migraines...I don't entirely believe that) and would she please stop and grab a bag of oranges?  She staunchly refused.  She wouldn't budge.

All I could think about was the oranges.  I wanted them so badly.  Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and I had to go get the oranges.  I had no choice.  I HAD TO have them.  The BFF, at the time, lived down the street and around the corner so at 11 o'clock at night, I drove over, picked up the BFF (because she's awesome and of course she would go with me), went to the store a few blocks away, got the oranges, dropped the BFF back off, and came home.

Whilst I was out, Sis came home.  She asked Mom where I was.  Mom told her I went to get oranges.  Sis rolled her eyes.  I got back and went to the kitchen where she was making her dinner, opened the bag of oranges, and took like four out of the bag.

"You were serious?!" Sis asked all mock shocked and surprised for the benefit of her audience.  (Toby was here that night and it was before he and I were what we are.)

I shot her a dirty look.  "I told you I wanted oranges."

I then happily ate every last one I brought upstairs with me.  And was satisfied.

What's the point of this story, you wonder, other than being an amusing little anecdote?  The craving for those oranges was so intense, so all consuming, that it was all I could think about until I actually had the oranges.  So, ever since then, anything that consumes my thoughts gets compared to the oranges.

I want a vacation.  I want to actually go somewhere for a few days, stay in a hotel, see the sights and the scenery, and just have some time.  I'm thinking the Adirondacks, because it's a place that I love dearly and there's no part of that region that's not breathtakingly beautiful.  Even if I have to go by myself, which may well happen as the wonderful BFF already has a vacation planned, I want to go.  It's all I can think about.

It's the oranges all over again.

 

Dichotomy

I spend a lot of time in my own head.  I over think things.  A lot.

I worry.  I worry about things I can't control and about how I'm perceived by other people.  I second guess the things I say, the things I write, the decisions I make.

I fixate on things I imagine happening.  When things don't happen according to the script, I get disproportionately sad about it.

I don't feel I'm worthy of the praise that I get about things that I've done.

I don't feel worthy.

And yet...

At the same, I'm actually a pretty happy and confident person.  It takes me a very, very long time to feel comfortable in social situations, but once I do, I'm fun and funny.

I'm very affectionate with the people I'm closest to and have no problem expressing my love and gratitude for them.

I take pride in what I do and I like to show things off.

I am well liked, loved even, and I know there are many people who I value that value me right back.

Just like everyone else, I have good days and bad days.  But sometimes I think that I can't really have both sets of emotions.  That I have to either be the first set or the second set.  That I'm really one, and the other is a lie.  That it's just something I'm forcing myself to feel because I think I should.  And I don't know which person I really am.       

Soul Bond: Part 2

Here's episode two!  I'm unaccountably nervous.

I've been over this six ways from Sunday and I'm not sure what to say about it.  Except...if there's confusion, there's meant to be a bit.  And hopefully, if there is, it'll be cleared up in the next episode.  That's the problem with posting things serial style.  But stick with me, okay?  And course, I'm always open to constructive criticism, as long as it's the helpful kind.  Feel free to leave a comment or send an email if you've got that kind.

If you missed the first episode, click the label!

Enjoy!

The Smell Of Yarn

I love the way yarn smells.  Love. It.

I love walking down the yarn aisle in the craft store and just inhaling.  I love when I open a new box or package when I order yarn online and it just permeates the air.  It smells so...I don't even know if I can describe it.  It smells like fresh and warm at the same time.  When I got the box containing the yarn for Sis's afghan, even though I already had a skein still left over from what I bought in the store that time, I opened it anyway, just to scent the yarn.  I mean, I wanted to check my order and make sure it was right and all, but really, I just wanted to smell it.

Does that make me weird?

June Again

It somehow became June when I wasn't looking, we're expecting one of the hottest days we've had yet this year (yesterday hit 91, we're only expecting 88 today), and I'll be spending the day with an eight fucking foot thick as hell afghan on my lap.

Ugh.

But I promised.  And even if she'll forgive me if I don't work on it constantly, Sis won't forgive me not working on it at all.  So that's what I'll be doing all day today, watching a marathon of Buffy and knitting until my hands fall off.  Thanks to a link from Alder, I have some great stretches to keep the fatigue in my wrist at bay and I'm sure I'm going to need them.  And I'll dig out the wrist supports, too, just in case.  

I mean, of course I'm going to try to work in a nap because, let's face it, that's what I do.  And I keep telling myself that the more I work on it, the faster it will be done.  But all I can think about is how hot it's going to be and uncomfortably warm it's going to make me feel.  

I guess it's a good thing I have excellent AC.