I try not to be fickle. I really do. But sometimes, I can't help it. Especially when it comes to the yarn projects. It's a bad trait, I know it. But my brain jumps in and starts making plans for something else when I start to get the tiniest bit bored.
I'm working on Sis's blanket. Slowly, but I am. And I'm not going to complain again about how boring it is because I don't want to be annoying (it's one of my greatest fears, being annoying. It keeps me from saying, writing, doing things I want or think I should because I'm afraid that people out there will find me annoying, irritating, bothersome. A pest. I really don't want to be a pest!) But I'm committed to it and I'm working on it slowly and it is, little by little, getting closer to done. But while I'm doing that, my brain is wanting to move on.
The BFF's birthday is in a few months. And I know exactly what she's getting. So my brain has been designing that, though I haven't yet settled on the final design so it's good that I don't have the yarn yet. Though I know what yarn I'm going to get to make them. And that's making me anxious to figure it out and get started. Because, let's face it, that how I always am.
I also know her Christmas present. And I'm going to have to order both that and the birthday yarn. And I'm nervous if I don't do it soon there might not be what I need. So half of my brain is all "buy it now!" and the other half is "you don't need it now, if it's not there when you're ready, then it wasn't meant to be." So there's quite a war going on in my head around that. I have yet to decide what to do.
So, all of a sudden, there are all these projects that I need to get started on. Because it's already the middle of August, and I only have a certain amount of time to get things completed. But, in order to make time for these things, I'm going to have to give something up. It either has to be the writing or the reading, because, unfortunately, I can't give up work and there's no way in hell I'm giving up sleep. The thought of shelving either, even if it's just cutting back, makes my heart hurt. But there is really not enough time in the day to do it all.
I can't see how I can give up writing for a while. Not while the muse is talking to me. Not while Jared and Liam's tale is almost finished and the next one is already taking shape. Not when I even know the premise of the one after that. How do I just leave these boys? I couldn't do it.
So that means that reading will have to take a backseat. While my wallet is happy about that, I'm going into mourning just thinking about it. But I must be strong. For the foreseeable, reading will be a treat, it will be a reward if I accomplish a goal. It will not be anything else. At least until I can make some serious headway on what needs to get done.
Send me strength. I'm going to need it.
Sometimes it sounds as though you get more stress than pleasure from the yarning. *?*
ReplyDeleteOn your not saying, doing or writing what you want, perhaps here on your blog, at least, you could be freer than feels comfortable or appropriate in real life? I can see that It's a difficult thing to balance though, making it entertaining/interesting for a reader while allowing you to talk about what's going on in your life. I suppose it depends on what the blog's main purpose/pleasure is to you, but it's your space so why shouldn't you use it to have a moan or a rant? *g*
Anyway I know I enjoy hearing about the things going on in your life and reading your stories. :)
Heh. Yes, sometimes it's more stress than fun...but the fun always wins in the end!
DeleteI greatly fear being annoying and I often get tied up in knots after I've written something here or after I've sent an email to someone, second guessing what I've said or thinking I shouldn't have sent it. I half convince myself that the person I've written to, or readers here, are rolling their eyes and thinking I'm irritating. But you're right that I do feel freer here to say whatever I want in that I think if people find it annoying, they can just not read, you know?
For your last sentence, you get big tight squishy hugs!! Well, you get them anyway, but an extra tight squeeze thrown in.