Old Dog, New Tricks

Let me tell you a story about my mom.

Mom was raised in a farm family in the North Country.  A devout Catholic family.  Small town and the mentality to go with it.  Especially given the years during which it happened.  

As I was growing up, my mom had expanded her horizons some.  She put us in public school so that we would be exposed to diversity and differences of opinions and she said she never once regretted it.  But my siblings and I are pretty damn liberal (if Tato got anymore left leaning, he'd fall off the wing) and my mom could probably be considered a moderate with left leanings.  She was proud of us for having our own well thought out opinions, even if she didn't agree.  

Given the way she was raised, I'm sure you won't be surprised that she thought homosexuals were disgusting.  As we grew older, we tried to have frank discussions with her about it.  She eased up some, I think, even though she flat out told us that if any of us were gay we'd "better stay in the closet."  She didn't want to know.

Don't worry, though.  This story has a happy ending.

My mom has changed her outlook quite considerably over the last several years.  It became more of a "live and let live" attitude.  She still didn't necessarily agree with it but she felt that everyone had the right to live and love as they chose.  I was proud of her for the progress she had made in her way of thinking, even if she'd occasionally make statements like "I don't announce to the world that I'm straight, why do they have to announce that they are gay."  We'd have more discussions and I'd try to explain where "they" were coming from, as well as I understood it.  She'd listen even if she didn't fully understand.  When our state passed marriage equality laws a couple of years ago, she thought it was nice, but she wasn't jumping up and down like the rest of us were.  I think it helped that a couple of her nieces are lesbians and finally were in a place where they could share that.  She loves them and accepts them and I really think it helped to open her mind.  She also adores Toby, an out and proud gay man.  

My mom has known that I read gay romances since pretty much when I started.  She knew I was writing a gay romance.  She's always been very proud of my writing, even if she didn't want to read it.  

She was thrilled when I finally submitted my story.  But when I got the contract?  She was over the moon.  And ran around telling people, and didn't hesitate to say that it was a gay romance.  To be honest, I was a bit shocked.  But the other day, as she and I were leaving my cousin's birthday party, we were talking about it.  The discussion was about a lot of things and one of the things that I said was that love is love, no matter who the people are that are in love.  The discussion continued to where we were talking about how there are a few people in my family that I don't want to know.  Not because I'm ashamed of it, but because they are mean, they'll spread gossip, and they will say very unkind things.  Why would I put myself in the position to be ridiculed if I could avoid it?  It would just make me angry.  Eventually our talk wound down and she said, after a moments pause, "I think you've got it right.  Love is love."

Might not seem like a big deal to you, but I was blown away.  For her to say that, when only a few years ago she thought it was fine as long as it didn't effect her life, made my heart just burst with pride.  My mom finally gets it.  She understands.  Love is love, whether it be between a man and a woman, two men, or two women, it doesn't diminish it.  It doesn't make it less if the two people are in the relationship are the same gender.  

She may or may not read my story.  Mostly because of the explicit sex, but that's okay.  I know the sex isn't for everyone.  And I don't fault her for that.  But I told her the story and she thought it was nice and she didn't roll her eyes or sigh.  She gets it.  And I'm so very proud of her.

(On a somewhat related note: when I told my Auntie, who's eight years older than Mom, that it was getting published and that it was gay romance, she immediately said she was going to buy it.  I paused a second and said, "there's a pretty graphic scene."  She just gave me a little smile and a half shrug and said, "there's nothing that I haven't at least heard of before.  I'm buying it."  And that, folks, is just how cool my Auntie is.)