Snow, Snow, and More Snow

Last winter, it was hardly winter at all.  My hometown still won for the most snowfall in the state, but that wasn't saying a lot.  We bought a new snowblower and never, ever had to use it.  The other day, that changed.  I finally got the snowblower out, managed to get it running for the first time, and about a minute and half later, ran over the hose which I had no idea was lying on the ground.  In the process, the sheer pin broke on one side of the auger.  Now, apparently that's what a sheer pin is supposed to do.  It breaks off and stops the auger so that you don't ruin your engine.  I had no idea this even existed.  Fortunately, my uncle is a genius and he came over and together we replaced the sheer pin and got on with the blowing of the snow.  And now I can replace it should it ever break again.

The snow is still coming down, though much lighter and at less of a pace than before.  I had forgotten, given last years mild winter, just how much snow we could get around here.  Part of me loves it.  I'm a fan of snow.  But only when the roads are clear and I don't have to shovel and snowblow.  Because seriously?  Every part of me hurts after the last couple of days.  Muscles not used to working in that way.  I can barely lift my arms.

In other good news, last night I finished writing a short story!  It was the first time I've ever written anything of this length.  I've done a lot shorter and much, much longer.  But never anything like this.  Right now, it's in the hands of my beta readers and I'm awaiting feedback from all quarters (thirds?).  Once they tell me where the problems are, I can fix.  We'll see what they say.

I'm also very much looking forward to a nap in a bit.  I love naps.

Well, then...

I had intended for a Merry Christmas post to go up yesterday wishing everyone a joyous holiday season but alas, I didn't schedule it right and it never went.  Sometimes, I'm painfully stupid about things like that.  So I'll say it now...

I hope everyone has a joyous holiday season filled with love and peace.

That said, here's what's going on...

My dear aunt who would have been at our house sharing the Christmas meal with us, fell down the stairs last week and, because she's bruised and a little bit broken, did not feel up to going out yesterday.  Instead, we packed up dessert and presents and traipsed over to her house so that we could celebrate some of the day with her.  She was well pleased to see us and it was a fun couple of hours.  She made me this wicked cool set of crochet hook and knitting needle wraps that keep them all contained.  Auntie is the craftiest person I know (as in she does a lot of crafts☺) and Sis and I take great joy in sharing things with her.

I whipped up an awesome scarf from some of the left over homespun thick and quick for my cousin.  May I say that it makes a luscious and wonderful scarf?  Highly recommended.

Santa brought me a lot of nifty gifites and though that was great fun (I think I reverted in age about 20 years) the absolute best part of the day was spending it with my family.  Dinner was wonderful and simply just hanging out with them was so very nice and needed.  I feel like my batteries are recharged.

The BFF got me the coolest thing!  Its a heated blanket that get it's power from USB cable.  I sweartogod!  I just plug it into an empty port on my laptop while reading or writing and my lap (or feet or shoulders) get all warm and toasty.  Seriously awesome. 

In other news, I'm getting a lot of pressure from my loyal fans (read: siblings, the BFF, and my  beta reader) to write something with the express intention of getting it published.  They are being very adamant about it.  I appreciate the support but it's also a little daunting.  That being said, I am sorting through plot bunnies and looking at avenues.  I don't want to say much about it now because I'm afraid of jinxing myself but I'll keep you posted when something develops.

I cannot believe that yet another year is about to close.  I'm looking forward to 2013.  My brain is already spinning with all the things I hope to accomplish!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

Yesterday it was cold and a tiny bit rainy and for like, a second and a half, it snowed.  It was gone about three seconds after that.  We haven't had any substantial snow fall at all yet.  But this morning I woke up and squeed!

There was several inches on the ground and it was still snowing!

Now, I hate driving in the snow as much as the next person.  And it never fails that there are people out there who apparently forgot what it was like since last winter and don't brush off their cars properly or hit the gas way too hard and go fishtailing or any number of other idiotic things.  And of course I would rather not shovel or snow blow or whatever else to move the snow from the driveway and sidewalks.  

But I actually like the snow.  Not tons and tons of it.  And not for six months (yes, that has happened here on occasion).  But during this time of year especially, I like a little snow.  If I had my way it would snow from the day after Thanksgiving to the second of January and only fall on the grass, the trees, and the rooftops.  Is that too much to ask?

Yeah, I know it is.  But I'm very pleased that we got snow and I'm pretty sure it'll stick around for a few days because yes, I love snow on Christmas.  

And tonight, the festivities begin with the BFF Christmas!  Presents and snacks and wine and Love, Actually and maybe more Christmas themed movies. It's going to be wonderful just hanging out and having flop time and watching our movie and just chillin'.  I'm very much a lot looking forward to it.  

And there is snow outside!

More Time in the Day

I really like to sleep.  A lot.  Like, really kind of a lot.  It's one of my favorite things and naps on the weekends are one of my ultimate guilty pleasures.  So, I can't give it up so that I can have more hours in the day.  Really, what I need is for the days to just be longer.  Not the daytime, mind you.  There are plenty of those hours and working for eight of them is more than enough.  No, just...how bout instead of 24 hour period, we have 36 hours?  That would suit just fine.

You see, if I had more hours, then I could still work for eight and sleep for ten and I'd still have a good 18 hours to split between reading/writing/yarning.  Because it stands, I have, like, five.  And isn't 18 way better than 5?


There's just so much more I want to do.  So much more that I want to have time for.  But instead, I have to choose what do to, cut time short on one thing if I want to go to another, or simply put it off until the next day (or later) in order to do one thing.  But if there were more hours between working and sleeping, I'd have so much more done!  It's the perfect solution!


I know, I know...it's just wishful thinking on my part.  A girl has got to dream though.

The 100th Post!

It seems fitting that I write my 100th post with celebratory news...That's right folks!  The tree is finally up, adorned, and sparkling!  And yes, it was a typical situation in which I did all the work while everyone watched.  OK, Sis helped with the lights and then opened boxes and handed me ornaments to put on the tree. 

Some other bits of random news:

Co-worker has a horrid flu and was in today before she left, went to the doctor, and found out it's a nasty version.  She's out until after Christmas.  We are all now paranoid that the flu will attack us all.  I'm crossing my fingers that it avoids me.

The BFF and I will be doing our Christmas prezzies plus our movie and wine on Saturday night.  I'm very excited for BFF time...and prezzies and wine.

I wrote a little story, basically because of a picture prompt over at Matty and Brad's blog.  Matt put it in the comments.  You can check it out here,  I also highly recommend following their blog.  It's fun and sweet and serious and a lot of wonderful things. 

I've got all my Christmas shopping done.  If there's anything else that I should have gotten, well, too damn bad.  I'm done and that's all she wrote.  

I'm very excited about Christmas this year, simply because everyone will be home, my aunt and uncle will be joining us, and there will be family time and a feast...and yes, OK, presents.  I like getting stuff, what can I say?  It doesn't make me bad, just makes me human.

I don't have to work on Christmas Eve, which is very nice.  It's the first time ever and I don't have to work because my boss told me I wasn't working that day.  I do have to work New Year's Eve, but only from 8 till noon.  At any rate, I appreciate the little bit of time they give us to show their appreciation.  It's little things like this that remind me yet again that I made the right choice back in March to take this job.

The muses have been fighting in my brain again.  I'm just waiting to see which one wins.  Right now, it's a draw.  They've retreated to plan their next attack.  I sometimes wonder why they can't combine forces.  There should be a way for me to yarn and write at the same time, right?

Happy Thursday!

☺

So, we all know my need for external validation.  And how I've been known to try and fish to get extra praise.  Yesterday, I'm very proud to say that I got a lot of thank yous and praise but I did not fish for more!  This may seem like not a big deal, but for me it is.  I made apple bread for the office party and gave my coworker the lapghan she ordered.  For both of these things, there was much love shot in my direction.  But I smiled and said thank you and I'm glad you like it and went about my business.  It's very nice to hear that my efforts are appreciated but I don't need more than that.  Knowing I've done a good job is enough.  Admittedly, I had to give myself a stern reminder before I got out of the car that whatever was said was enough.  Even if it was nothing, I didn't need the external validation.  I'm a work in progress, but I did well yesterday.

I also started a new throw with what's left of the homespun thick and quick.  It's so cushy.  I really love it a lot.  I don't know if I'm going to keep it or give it to someone else.  It's not really my color, it's a wine-y color called Claret, but I may keep it it because it's so fluffy and cuddly.  Or I may purchase some more in a more me-like color.  There are at least four different colors that I like.  And if I purchase more I can make it as big as I want.  Hmm...

In other news, the living room is still sans Christmas tree.  If I hadn't been so tired last night, I would have gotten it up no matter what.  But I needed sleep more.  So maybe tonight?  I'm not going to make any solid plans just so they can fall through, but I'll see if I can't get it done.  It's starting to stress me out, not having it up.  And I'm not enjoying that feeling.  Besides, it will really start to feel like the season once there are pretty lights and garland.  

I also baked another loaf of apple bread last night because the first words out of everyone's mouths when they saw me was that they didn't get any.  I made two loaves for the office party and brought them both in.  I didn't make any for home.  Apparently, that was a very bad thing.  I had one extra large apple left and that was enough for one loaf, so I halved the recipe and popped it in the oven.  The family was very happy with that.  Though mostly they just wanted to devour the bread.

No Plans

I like making plans.  I like it a lot.  I always feel more secure when I have a game plan in place, a list of things I'm going to do.  Some sort of general idea about what's what and when and who.  But once again, my plans were foiled by others.  So, I'm not going to make plans anymore.  I'm not going to worry about when we get the tree up anymore.  They don't care then I don't care. 

OK, yeah.  That's totally not true.  But I'm not going to make plans about it.  I'm going to have a frank conversation with my family.  They aren't usually this lazy about getting the tree up and decorated so I'm not entirely sure what's going on.  But I'm tired of waiting.  Christmas is in a week (gasp!) and I want the tree up.

OK, OK.  Enough complaining from me.  I did get the lapghan done last night while the bread was baking. The yarn is super thick and soft and awesome and I'm glad I inadvertently bought too much because now I can make something else with it as well.  It's really fabulous.  I can absolutely see myself using it frequently in the future.  I'm putting it on my love it list!

Foiled!

The great tree plan of this weekend was foiled by well meaning members of the family who really want to help.  What that resulted in was the tree not getting up and decorated.  At all.  I'm trying not to be upset about it.  I'm trying very very hard to just roll with it and say, "OK fine, then let's make a plan to get it up and decorated." But the truth is...

The truth is, I am upset about it.

And the reason is simple.  This has happened in the past.  A lot.  For years now, I make the big plan and then it's "no, I want to help and I can't do it that day," or "let's not do it tonight, let's do it later." And then?  Then, I end up doing it myself.  Because, when it comes to the day, and even though everyone is there, I still end up having to do it all myself while they sit and watch me.

Except...

Well, I guess that's sort of tradition now too.  So I guess that I shouldn't be upset about it at all.  It's how it always goes and that appeals to the part of me that likes things the same year to year.  And at least, if I do it, then I know the ornaments get put where I like them to be.  And the lights will go on just how I like.  So, I guess it's a good thing after all, huh?

Izzy's party tonight, which will be fun.  And then home to bake some apple bread because our office party is tomorrow and we're going to have food all day.  And maybe while the bread is in the oven, I can convince the family to watch me put up the tree.

O' Tannenbaum

The first thing you have to know about our tree is that it's fake.  And before you get all up in arms about it, we can't have real as several members of my family, including me, are highly allergic.  So, if we want to be able to breathe, then fake it must be.

The second thing is that it's old.  Really old.  Older than me.  It belonged to my grandparents.  It's the kind where the branches are individual and you have to fit each one into a hole on the center post.  

The third this is...well, there's no easy way to say it.  It's ugly.  I think it's attempting to be a Douglas Fir of some sort but it doesn't really succeed.  It's pretty hideous.  It's sad and pathetic and every year when I get it out of the box and get it all put together I think "50 bucks and we could have a normal looking tree."

But...

The thing is, it's our tree.  Our tradition.  And once I get it all put together and get the lights on (white only of course) and get it all decorated, it's actually quite lovely.  Boarders on beautiful even.  And I love it.  And I think "this is why I didn't waste 50 bucks on a new tree." 

Of course, it always is a big to do.  Everyone wants to help and then, well, I end up doing it all myself anyway because they don't actually want to help, they just think they do.  So I put it together, and Sis helps with the lights, and then I end up putting on all the ornaments (which actually appeals to the bit of OCD I have so that I can put them right where I want) and then I have to rub my arms down with lotion because the tree branches scratch the crap out of them and because of the dermatographism it welts up in crazy patterns.  But in the end, it's worth it.

So, that's on the agenda today, finally.  Get the tree up and decorated.  Take something ugly and turn it into something beautiful. 

Of course, there is a pall of sadness over this day.  And many days to come.  In the wake of the tragedy in Newtown, CT, all I can do is hold my loved ones close, take comfort in the familiar traditions, and send thoughts and prayers eastward.

The "No" word

Yeah.  I did it again.  Someone asked if I could make something and without hesitating, without thought, I said, "Of course I can!" I swear, I always tell myself I'm not going to do it but...I don't know if it's my need for praise, or my need to help, or just an excuse to make something new.  At any rate, there's no pressure which is nice.  And I'm making a lapghan in Lion Brand's new Homespun Thick and Quick.  You can check it out here Homespun Thick and Quick. 

It's really super chunky and it will hardly take anytime to work up.  That I'm incredibly excited about.  And it's something I've never worked with before.  Well, I have made many a thing in homespun (it's one of my favorite yarns) but this new version is even thicker and cushier.  Big hook, I'm thinking an N or a P, and I'll be done in no time.  My brain immediately went into auto pilot, the yarn muse into overdrive, and I think I've thought of a pattern that will work quickly without being too heavy or too light.  I have to see how the yarn behaves first, but I'm thinking it can't be too different from Homespun original, right?

So, even though I couldn't say the no word, I at least get to play with a new yarn.  And when she says thank you, I will simply say you're welcome.  Because I don't need the extra validation.  I want it.  But I don't actually need it.  Right?

External Validation

I admit it.  I'm one of those people.  The ones that not only crave praise but also deny and fish and act like it's no big deal just so that I can get more.  So that I can hear it again.  I know everyone likes to hear a kind word of praise, but seriously, it's like I need it.  Even when I'm aware of what I'm doing, trying to get someone to say yet again that I'm awesome, I can't seem to make myself stop.  I'm also sure that this is a completely unattractive trait.  And yet, I still do it.

I'm trying to be better.  Really.  But then I get some praise and it's like my soul is starving to hear the words and I fall right back down in the pit of trying to get more.  

Today, I was soaking in it.  And my insides were glowing with happy because of the shock and awe.  And I was standing there, trying to act like it's no big deal, but really I was totally doing a happy dance in my mind, waiting to hear some more good words.  I was aware it was happening.  And I just couldn't stop myself because that external validation that what I had done was a good thing, an impressive thing, was feeding the pride monster within.  

My goal for next time I hear the words of praise and goodness is to simply say thank you instead of saying thank you followed by an attempt to get the person to say it again.  I'm going to try very, very hard.

I need external validation.  But one comment should be enough, right? 

This Is What I Did Today

Haberdashery

Ta Da!!  I'm a haberdasher!  I've made a hat!

When I first started knitting in the round, I did it with the time honored method of double pointed needles.  I quickly discovered that it was hard to knit that way.  It took a lot of practice to make it so you weren't constantly poking yourself in the hand/arm/eye.  And I discovered that I always had the problem of a bit of "laddering" between the needles.  My stitches weren't tight enough from one needle to the next.  I thought there had to be an easier way.

Ah!  The magic loop method.  The method of using one super long circular and pulling the cable out between stitches so that half of the stitches are on either side.  I was intrigued by this and enjoyed it, but I always had the problem of a bit of laddering at the beginning of the rounds.  And also, sometimes the cable itself got unwieldy and bent in a consternating fashion.  There had to be an easier way!

My preferred method now is the best I've found yet.  Using two circular needles.  Half the stitches on one, half on the other.  It doesn't matter how many or how few stitches you have on either one because the cable always bends where you need it too.  I don't have any of the problems that I'd had previously.  It's now my go to method whenever I knit in the round.  I highly recommend it.  

This hat, as I previously mentioned, is inspired by one of my favorite sweaters.  It has four cables, all with left leaning twists, that twists ever eight rows.  The only thing I made a change to is twisting alternate cables on a different row.  Every four rounds, I twisted a cable, but only every other one.  Just to give it a bit of movement.


I offset the cables by one stitch so that it basically straddled the ribbing.  And put a panel of four stitches of stockinette between the cables.   The construction of the hat is pretty standard.  Cast on 80 stitches.  Work 2x2 rib for two inches.  Slip the first stitch of the round onto the other needle.  Knit 4, purl 4, knit 8, purl 4, repeat around.  It's on the knit 8 panels that you twist your cables.  You can do it whenever you want.  Work until the hat is approximately 6 inches (try the hat on.  I always do.  When it reaches your earlobes is about when it's time to start the decreases).  I then knit one round plain.  After that, it's standard decreasing.  Knit 8, knit 2 together all the way around.  Knit one round even.  Knit 7, knit 2 together...knit a round even.  Knit 6, knit 2 together...get my drift?  Keep doing that until you have 16 stitches.  Knit 2 together around, cut an 8 inch tail, thread it through the remaining stitches, close it up.  Ta da!  Hat!

And that's how I made Izzy's hat.  And remembered to take a picture!
    

Learn To Say No

I am not so good at that.  People ask me for things and, of course, I say yes.  And sometimes I get myself in hot water because of it.  Suddenly, there's a deadline looming and I have to scramble and stay up late and be cranky.  Most of the time, it's yarn stuff of course.  Someone wants something and the next thing I know, I've got no time (because I admittedly like to procrastinate) and I have to just get it done.  And every time I do this to myself, I swear I'm not going to do it again.  Yeah, I didn't learn my lesson once again.

I sent the BFF a text and said, "I've really got to learn to say no."  Her immediate response? "What do you have to make now?"

It's really not a big deal this time around.  One scarf.  That's it.  The ruffly kind that I made before.  Won't take me hardly any time at all.  But it's a slippery slope and the next thing I know...I'm scared that someone else will ask for something and yes will pop out of my mouth before my brain kicks in.  

I've really got to learn to say no.  I just don't know if I have it in me.  

The thing is...

The thing about time off from work is that it feels really good while it's happening and then you get to the end of it and realize that tomorrow you have to go back to work.  I keep looking at the clock thinking "Oh good, whatever o'clock.  I have plenty of time."  But the truth is, there is a part of me that's already coming down from the mini vacation high and knowing tomorrow I have to go back to work.

Now, I like my job.  It's a pretty decent way to pass the day and make money.  And I do the job to the best of my ability.  But still, I would much rather sit around all day and do nothing.  I don't know if that makes me lazy, per se, but if it does, I don't care.  I'd rather do nothing.  I'd much rather spend my time with the words and the yarn than have work time interrupt that.

Speaking of yarn, I started Izzy's hat and it's pretty.  I'm liking it.  Of course, I've already got to that point where I just don't wanna anymore.  And it's not even half done.  But in a bit I'm going to pick it up again and try very hard to finish it tonight, just so it's over.  And then I don't have to do it anymore.  

But first, I'm pretty sure I'm going to take a nap.  It is my last day off, after all.  

Guilty Pleasure

I have more than my fair share of them.  It's true.  But, in keeping with the holiday theme, I will tell you about one of my absolute favorites: holiday themed romances.

I'm a total sucker for the love story that takes place at the holidays, Christmas in particular.  Hallmark channel is great at providing multiple movies on the weekends and even during the week.  My DVR gets filled with them during this time of year.  ABC Family usually has some, too.  And of course, I buy DVD's and books galore that have the theme.  Romance set at Christmas time never fails to be a trope that I love.  It doesn't matter if the acting or writing is bad (which, fortunately, is very infrequent), I still love them.  There's the classic meeting at the right time with unforeseen circumstances keeping them together for the holiday celebration or the getting together under the guise of saying they are together to appease their families while falling unknowingly in love.  And there are the ones where an established couple strive to make the holiday special for each other, or reconnect again, or put up with the hellish family gathering while trying to stay together.

It doesn't matter what, holiday themed romances are one of my greatest guilty pleasures.  

Dreamspinner Press has a yearly "advent calendar" and releases holiday themed m/m romances at this time of year.  All are available now, but you can also buy the whole set for automatic delievery of one story a day.  It makes my day to wake up and find one waiting for me. 

Feels Like Home  by Rowan McAllister was one that made me smile because it was cute.  Eight Days by Cardeno C. was just released and I adored it.  Puppy, Car, and Snow by Amy Lane is one of my all time favorites as is her just released Turkey in the Snow.  All can be found at Dreamspinner Press.

As for movies?  Holiday in Handcuffs with Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez never fails to make me laugh.  Snow with Tom Cavanaugh and Ashley Williams is also adorable.  And there is the timeless Love, Actually which centers around the Christmas season and follows multiple characters as they navigate the waters of love.  

It doesn't matter the story, or the characters, or what brings them together.  If it's about love at Christmastime, I'm there.

Advent

It's December first and that means it's the start of advent.  Now, I still consider myself Catholic even though I haven't been to church much lately.  It has more to do with my church itself than anything else and needing to find a new one, but that's another story.  This is about advent and how it's always been my favorite time of the liturgical year.  I always loved going to church, watching the advent wreath being lit at the start of mass, the hymns we sang at this time of year, and the anticipation of getting ready to celebrate Christmas.  I'm not good at waiting, like at all, but somehow, this four weeks never bother me.

I think it's because as much as I hate waiting, I love getting ready.  And that's what its all about.  Even though I won't be doing a lot of that in church this December, I will still be preparing myself to celebrate the holiday.  And Christmas, for me, is about spending time with my family and remembering all the things the holiday is really about.  OK, yes, there will be presents but that's not the whole deal, and that's what I love.  The whole spirit of the season.  It's about giving of yourself and about family and about kindness and generosity and love.  

It's my favorite time of year.  

Sickness

I've been fighting a cold for about two weeks now.  Last week, it was bad for a couple of days; couldn't breath, ears all plugged, aches and pains, the works.  Now it's mostly just a stuffy, runny nose.  It's much, much better than it was and it clears up a little more each day but still, I'm looking forward to it being gone for good.

It's incredibly cold today. I forgot just how cold it can get and it isn't even the coldest yet!  I wish I had a remote car starter.  

When I left work tonight, it was with great joy because I have Monday and Tuesday off.  Four day weekend, here I come!   It'll be nice to do nothing at all.  I haven't done that in a while.  Not since February.  I'm gonna make Izzy's hat and I'm going to nap and I'm going to read.  I'm greatly looking forward to a few days off. 

And maybe remember to post!

Sweet Nectar of Life

OK, I'm sure it's no surprise to you when I say that I have a very addictive personality.  It's a good thing I've never tried cocaine.  I sure as hell can't afford that habit!  I'm addicted to the fiber arts and the written word...and many a TV series or book series could be called addictions for me.  I would not enjoy it if any one of those things were taken away and I'd probably have withdrawal.  But that would be all in my head and I could learn to live without it.

One thing that I'm actually addicted to, however, is coffee.  Like a real dependence on it.  My first cup of coffee in the morning makes me sigh and relax.  It is the nectar of life.

I have my routine.  After my shower, when I'm all dressed and ready to go, I putter downstairs, pop a K-cup in the Keurig and a minute or so later...oh, the joyous dark and satisfying brew is in my cup.  I sit at the table, drink my coffee, surf the web on my phone, and dread each tick of the second hand that brings me one moment closer to having to leave my coffee and go to work.

Don't get me wrong, there's more coffee at the office.  And fortunately for me, the people in my office are avid coffee drinkers too, so we get the good stuff to brew.  We even have a machine that, magic of magics, makes an entire pot of coffee in less than three minutes!  It's the most glorious thing.  And if I had an extra 150 bucks lying around, I'd get me one of those too.  Yes, of course I priced it.  Almost bought one anyway.  But I couldn't justify the expense when my own coffee maker makes a pot in twelve minutes (of course I timed it) and really, that is not too long to wait.  Because really, as awesome as Keurig is, I like to have a whole pot waiting for me if I'm going to be around longer than thirty minutes.

I'm a three cup person.  Of course, I will happily drink more.  But three cups is about what it take to get me feeling normal, happy, and sated.  I'm not talking about those dinky 6 or 8 oz cups either.  Oh no!  I'm talking about the great big 16 oz mugs that I adore with a passion.  My favorite proudly proclaims me a Crochet Goddess.  

So, now that I've enjoyed my morning cup of java, I will head to work.  And have my second and third.

It's Not My Fault!

I blame Izzy, who has a birthday, who needs a present.  And I blame the muse, who, upon receiving the birthday invitation, immediately smacked me in the face with a hat pattern.  It's gonna be sweet, with ribbing and cables.  Inspired by one of my favorite sweaters.  I swear this time I'll try very very hard to remember to take a picture!

So, yeah.  Something else crops up with a deadline and pushes all the other things that I want to/should be working on back some more.  But I have Monday and Tuesday off from work already for a little R and R and seeing as how her birthday is not until the following Monday, I think I'll be able to get it done.  I'm currently toying with the idea of twisting the cables at different intervals.  Like every fourth row on one and the eighth row on the next.  Or twisting every eight rows on all but staggering it so that its every fourth row on alternating cables.  We'll see.  I haven't got the yarn on the needles yet so I don't have to make a decision just yet.  

But there's a birthday party in the future and that is always fun!  Yay!

On a semi related note, the work Christmas party is a week from Friday.  I'm already terribly nervous.  Crowds of people make me uneasy to begin with.  Crowds of people I don't know are worse.  And this is not just my office, but all the employees from each of the 12 locations.  I don't know any of them except for the ones that I work with directly.  There are a bunch that I talk to on the phone occasionally.  But I've never actually met them.  So, yeah, my nerves are in a knot already.  And I was going to skip it, I was, but I'm a grown up now and grown ups do these kinds of things.  And at the very least, the company is kind enough to throw us this bash in appreciation for all that we do and the least I can do is return the favor and show up.  

But still, nerves.     

There Are Some Things I Should Remember By Now

Like the fact that I should never, ever, taunt my muse.  Yet I did.  And now I've spent the entire day with my poor brain being assaulted and battered with idea after idea after idea.  Very random stuff too.  Like, I'm not even sure where it came from or what triggered it.  I just know that if I could type for twenty four hours a day, I would be able to to write three complete series in a weeks time.

Alas, that is not to be as my super power is not speed typing.  Instead, I have been taking notes and I will file it all away.  It may see the light of day.  It may not.  I told the BFF I was going to get a "voice"ectomy because they were driving me stark raving mad today...but we all know that if that was even possible, and I actually did it, I actually would go stark raving mad because the silence would drive me to it.  And, after I was committed, they probably wouldn't allow me to yarn because, let's face it, there are a lot of sharp and potentially dangerous accoutrements involved in the yarn arts.  And without the voices and the yarn...well, there'd be nothing left of me but a whimpering mass huddling in the corner.

Christ, my mind goes a lot of place.   

I hit the store after work.  I had a list.  I did not deviate.  I am proud.  Now the kitties can have clean boxes and I have more shampoo.  Yay!

Yesterday, we did one of those murder mystery dinner parties.  We skipped the fancy dinner and costumes.  Much more comfortable in sweats eating pizza.  But everybody had a character and we played it all out.  Tato was the murder.  I got it right.  Brub's character was German and he did the accented English and everything.  It was good times.  We're thinking of getting another one.

OK...So

Started Toby's fingerless mitts and since he was here today, he could try them on for fit.  Now I know exactly how much longer I need to make them so that they'll fit his hands well.  I've got most of one done...SSS has already kicked in but I'm staunchly ignoring it.  Pushing through the pain, as it were.  The good news is that he likes them very much and he's very excited about. them

Speaking of Toby, he's reading for me right now.  And he says he's only able to read a little at a time but "so far, I'm really enjoying it."  This is good news for me.  I'm sure he'll have constructive notes when he gets to the end.  We'll see.

And speaking of writing...I've got all sorts of characters running through my head right now and they aren't making a lot of sense.  I've chosen to allow them free reign and mostly ignore them for now.  I'll just go ahead and let them percolate and see what comes up in the end.  Seriously, I can't make heads or tails of them right now.  I have absolutely no idea what the muse is thinking at the moment.  She's driving me crazy.

I can't believe November is just about done and Christmas is right around the corner.  Fortunately this year, as I've said, I'm  not driving myself nuts with tons of projects to get finished.  It's going to be a lean Christmas for us this year, but the best part is we will actually all be together all day for the first time in a while.  No one has to go to work (Sis and Tato have those kinds of jobs that are open all the time, no matter what).  I'm so excited about that.  It's gonna be awesome!

And I have some time off next week!  Yay! 

Thank Goodness for Mom!

Mom is awesome.  I've known this for quite some time; she's a pretty well rounded awesome.  But Saturday morning?  She proved her awesomeness once again.  You see, I got this yarn (Cascade soft spun) and it came in hanks.  No big.  I have me a ball winder and usually with a bit of help from the chairs, I can get the hank laid out and wind it up no problem.  But of course, this stuff is 100% Peruvian Highland Wool.  Guess who didn't read the label before she bought it?  Now, if you know anything about natural animal fiber yarn, you know that it sort of..sticks to itself.  There's all sorts of yarn science as to why, and it's the reason it felts up so prettily, but when you're trying to wind it into a ball without the help of a swift?  Yeah, it's a pain in my lily white ass.  But Mom, who hung out in the kitchen because she wanted to see the ball winder in in action, jumped right in to help hold the hanks and make it so that they wound up evenly.  And when the the third hank got all sorts of tangled and was a knot?  Mom to the rescue, with patience she could have only learned from raising an incredibly precocious child (yeah, I'm talking about me).

At any rate, we got the hanks wound into center pull balls and I started Toby's fingerless mitts.

And then I discovered that it's very loosely spun yarn.  I may have mentioned previously that I knit Portuguese style which requires that yarn to be looped either around the neck or on a knitting pin.  I use the pin method most of the time.  And, as I said this is a loosely spun wool.  It's practically just roving.  This makes it lovely and soft and wonderful to touch...but it also means that if I'm not careful it pulls apart!  I was shocked when it happened, just because I hadn't expected it, though I know enough about yarn that I should have.  It's OK, though.  I just need to keep my tension a wee bit looser.  I haven't had it happen since. 

Oh, and I wanted them done by Sunday because Toby will be here and I can gift them but...yeah, I don't know if its gonna happen.  I'll certainly try!

Grumpies

Sometimes I get a major case of the grumpies.  There's no other word to describe it as fully as that.  I get surly, cranky, all around snarky.  I don't want to see people or talk to people or do anything at all.  I just want to mope.  

I spent the evening eating pretzel m and m's and reading and playing Plague, INC.  Which is totally my new obsession.  It may be kind of macabre of me but there's nothing more satisfying than infecting the entire world with a disease and watching them all die.  

I also had a brief moment of thinking I'd make everyone stockings for Christmas.  I highly doubt I could get five done in time.  Maybe I'll plan that for next year?

I did work on Sis's scarf for a minute.  I love the way the yarn feels and how quickly it works up.  I do not love that you have to constantly untwist the yarn if you forget to turn in the opposite direction at the end of each row.  And honestly, when you get into a rhythm, it's so easy to just keep turning in the same direction.  

A Wee Bit of News

The BFF's birthday was a roaring success but sadly, I once again forgot to get pictures.  So, you'll have to take my word for it that not only did the Dr. Who Tom Baker-esque scarf come out awesomely, but it looks positively smashing.  I was a little worried as I was making it because the stripes are not the same amount of rows (I really like things that are symmetrical) and the colors didn't look like they should go together.  But they so do!  I love it enough, and have enough yarn left over, that I just might make one for me.  Maybe.  The dreaded SSS may not allow it.  And speaking of SSS...

The next project on the docket, even though I still haven't finished Lyse's afghan or started Bunny's afghan or finished Sis's afghan, is to make a pair of fingerless mitts with mitten flaps for Toby.  He's really doing wonderful things for me and it's starting to get pretty darn cold.  So, I'm thinking I really need to get on that.  This weekend, I have some major cleaning to do which includes reorginizing of the stash and tracking down all the needles that have found their way out into the ether.  Once I have a good handle on the needles and yarn  and patterns in my possession (yet again.  Because it seems this is a semi-annual event) then I'll get the mitts on the needles.  I've made a couple of pairs of these in the past, and even though my SSS really doesn't care to do it again, and makes me worry that I won't finish both mitts, I do know that I can make them fairly quickly.  It only takes five or six hours a mitt.  Of course, he's got big man hands so I may need to tack on a few hours to the projected completion time.  

And like I said, cleaning.  The one part of that I actually enjoy (besides the music blaring to keep my brain occupied) is the organizing of all the projects, yarn, patterns and other accutrements of my favorite hobby.  I love taking a look at all that I have, in part, because my brain starts thinking of new projects.  My brain does love a good work out.  And really, once I have a handle on the "things in progress" I may have to make me a real live schedule to get things done.  That's the plan anyway.  And I do love a good plan.

This year I'm not going crazy and making a ton of things for christmas for people.  In years past, that's been my thing.  Other than a scarf made out of Starbella in Spring Bouquet for Sis, I don't really have anything else planned.  And really, I would have needed to get on that already if I were to have had things done.  So this year, it's store bought gifts...and maye a Krafts by Kris gift certificate or two.

Incidentally, the empty store front down the street a bit where I always imagined my yarn shop would be is no longer empty.  Even though I have no capital and no business acumen, I still wanted to open a yarn shop and I wanted to do it there.  Oh well.  When I passed it tonight with Brub and saw that it was a nail salon, Brub promised that if he should ever win the lottery, I could have my yarn store.  Something to look forward to, I guess.

All right, maybe it wasn't as "wee" as I thought.

Rock the Vote

No matter who you vote for, make sure you vote!

There's no such thing as a wasted vote; everytime you step up to the polls, you're opinion is heard.  It's worth it.  

Oh, and if you don't vote, you can't complain!

Get thee to the polls everyone!  It's important! 

Now that I've officially rocked the vote myself, I'm going to spend the rest of the evening watching the numbers roll in while I finish that scarf for the BFF!

Hello, November...I've been waiting!

Thank all that is good and holy in this world, October is over.  I'm not a fan of the month.  I'm just not.  I don't know why.  Nothing horrific or damaging has happened to me in October. But I wait with baited breath for the month to end and am ever so relieved when I wake up on November 1st.  Everything is better.  Plus, November has Thanksgiving and I've gotta tell you, that's one of my favorite holidays.  Not just the meal, thought that's pretty awesome, but I love the togetherness and family time that day.  Puts a smile on my face that lasts a pretty damn long time.

I have ten days to finish the BFF's birthday present.  I think I can get it done without much fuss or muss.  I'll play a movie tonight and see if I can't get another section finished.  Maybe this weekend I'll get it completely done.  Then perhaps our favorite model will consent to getting his picture taken with it. I'm still pretty damn excited about it.  Can't wait to see the finished product.

Toby has the first book in the supernatural series I'm writing.  I'm waiting to see what he thinks about it.  I know enough now to know that he will read the whole thing before he makes a comment.  I also know that he is a bit of a slow reader and that he's also very very busy.  It's going to be an excruciating wait.  

I want to make a scarf for me.  I have the whole thing designed.  I just need to knit it.  How do I justify making something for myself when there are many other things out there that need to get done?  I don't know that I can justify it...that doesn't mean that I won't do it anyway.  Depending on if I have enough left over yarn, I just may make me a matching hat!  I don't have a scarf/hat combo and winter is coming.  

And I really, really need to make Toby's fingerless mitts.  Perhaps I can reward myself with the hat/scarf combo once I get Toby's done?  That sounds like a plan to me!

The Place

You know that place where you've got a thousand things going on in your head and you want to do at least half of them, but you don't have enough hands?  Yeah.  That's the place I'm in right now.  Because I designed a scarf this weekend, which I want to make.  And the BFF's scarf needs to get done.  And I have characters stomping around in my head and...yeah, it's busy and I want to do everything and I can't.  I have to pick and choose.  

First up?  A reread and a bit of an edit on one of my books so that I can send it to Toby (my awesome beta reader) for his feedback.  

Then, I'll probably work on getting the new yarn, Cascade soft spun in Heather Cobalt, out of hanks and into balls.  I have a ball winder.  I do not have a swiff.  This takes much planning on my part and finagling with chairs.  And sometimes extra hands.  Or else I have a knot ball instead of a yarn ball.

And then, because I'm being honest here, I'll probably work on the scarf I designed instead of the one for the BFF.  Because I'm like that.  The Dr. Who scarf is just garter, and I can whip that out in no time with very little concentration.  The other?  That's got a mess of different stitches, including a cable, and I have to pay attention so I don't forget to twist.

Oh, and as a side note: coworker did not open the bag containing baby blanket.  He didn't even look.  He decided to let his wife do it and took it home. He ruined my fun.  I made a pouty face.  He laughed.  And I know they'll enjoy seeing it for the first time together.

Thank you, that is all.

Another Score for the Stash

Here I've been, stressing over this baby blanket for my coworkers new baby who's now almost three months old.  Everything I start, I frog.  I hated everything.  And then yesterday, as I was looking for something else entirely, I came across a baby blanket I had made several years ago to use up extra yarn and had put away to give as a gift at some point in the future.

O.O <-- that's what I looked like when I found it. 

Now, it's not surprising that I had forgotten about it.  It seems like forever since I've made something just to make it.  Everything I've done in recent years has been for a purpose.  A particular gift that I needed to finish by a particular time.  So, I had put this away and then I started making things with a purpose and promptly forgot about it.  I'm freaking thrilled it's there and nice and I just have to weave in some ends and I can give it away.  Thrilled, I tell you!

Here it is!  It's not my very best work.  This was back when I was learning all about crochet; more than just the double which was all that I knew to begin with.  But here is a sweet little granny square pattern.  The yarn is super soft too, though who makes in and what the colorways are, I couldn't tell you.  It was years ago and I don't remember.

Also, I finished the ruffly scarf in fabulous Starbella Flash.  I gotta tell you; it was both way fun and an absolute bitch to work with.  I have some more in another colorway that I'm going to work up for Sis for Christmas or her birthday, depending on when I get it done.  But here my trusted teddy bear and favorite model is showing that off for you too.  (He's very good at modeling hats too!)  It's pretty fabulous.  I was going to give it to the BFF, but she didn't really want it.  Thought it was awesome but she's not really into scarves except for winter wear and this one, while it does keep you warm, is more of a fashion thing.  I don't blame her.  I would much rather she tell me she doesn't want something than to take it and not like it. 



And then, last night, I went to an impromptu Halloween party.  I'm not much for the holiday, but I put on my soft kitty hoodie, with the hood up, and joined in the games and ate way too much food and homemade potato chips.  Good times!

Halloween

Last year I had this brilliant idea for this year's costume.  I was going to be an afghan!  It'd be the perfect excuse to use up all my stash; I'd crochet a striped afghan that would be big enough to go around me, leave arm and head holes, put fringe on the ends, and ta da!  Insta-costume.  With the added benefit of being able to wear it when it was cold.  I was all excited.  It was going to be great!  Of course, I promptly forgot about my brilliant idea until just this minute.  There is no way that I'll be able to get something like that done in time.  

Oh well.  There's always next year.

The truth of the matter is, I'm not really into Halloween.  At all.  I even stopped trick or treating when I was about 12.  Sure, I liked the candy.  But I didn't like actually going up to people's houses and getting it.  And I can never think of costume's that are worthwhile or in anyway good (afghan idea not withstanding).  Last year, when forced to attend a party, I put on a collar and leash and was the BFF's human pet (she was a vampire).  At any rate, Halloween does not hold the appeal for me that it does for others.  

I have been knitting like a crazy woman though.  I'm working on the BFF's birthday present.  And I just got some fabulous ruffle yarn that made me work on that too.  I'm having a good time with that.  

Maybe this time I'll remember to get pictures!

Thank Goodness For The Stash!

I found some lovely purple that almost works perfectly and decided to use that in the scarf!  It's near perfect, as even though it is also a worsted weight, it is slightly different than the other yarn.  Thankfully, it's only in four or six row stripes, so it's not that noticeable.  At the very beginning, it is because it's just ever so slightly thicker than the yarn for the rest of the scarf.  I've already decided that when I get to the other end, I'm going to have to decrease by two or three stitches so that it stays more even.

I started the scarf last night while watching The Avengers.  AWESOME MOVIE.  If you haven't seen it yet, do it immediately.  It's well worth it, even if you aren't a fan of super heroes or Joss Whedon.  I hapeen to be a devout Whedonite but I swear that didn't color my perception of the movie at all.  I promise.

And I very much do not want tomorrow to be Monday.

 

Yarnlemma

This, of course, is a yarn dilemma.

The BFF's birthday is a little less than a month away and she's getting a Tom Baker-esque Dr. Who scarf.  She already knows this because I had to throw it at her to see if it would stick.  It won't be as long or as wide (we don't want it to swallow her whole) but I'm probably  more excited about making it than she is about getting it.  I chose Cascade 220 Superwash worsted as the yarn and I ordered it from the fabulous Webs at www.yarn.com and I was very excited.  And then, the dreaded news.  One of the yarns, the purple, is on back order.  I have a deadline people!  It can't be on back order!  And why did it say there was a bunch of hanks left when there weren't?!  OK, breathe.  I know it was probably a random confluence of events that there were orders and it wasn't updated and the like but I need that yarn!  I thought about making the trip to my LYS to see if they had it but if they don't then there is no way I can walk out of the store empty handed and I don't need anymore yarn.  Want? Yes.  Need?  No.  So...

Yarnlemma.

Of course, the purple kicks the whole thing off.  And ends it on the other side too.  So unless I do a provisional cast on and work up until the next section where purple is supposed to go...

Sigh! Of course the rest of her gift, the part that I don't have to make, has already arrived and is wonderful. I even thought of using a different yarn because I'm sure I have something in my stash that will be the right color.  But it won't be the right texture.  And there's no telling when I'll actually get the yarn because it said that it could be anywhere from 2-3 weeks for back ordered products and....

Still in a yarnlemma.

I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do about it.

Who Would Win in a Fight?

In my house, that's a common phrase.  It is a prelude.  It is often followed by an unlikely pairing of people which will then make you think, weigh pros and cons, before you give an answer.  Just so you are aware, if one of the people is Batman, he always wins.  ALWAYS.  Batman is always prepared for any foe he may face.  Batman wins.  

So...who would win in a fight: the yarn muse or the writing muse?

Because, let me tell you, they are having themselves a battle of epic proportions right now.  I don't know who is going to win.  I'm not even sure who to root for.  There's so much that needs to get done right now on both fronts.  Promises left unfulfilled.  Projects left half finished and chapter left undone.  I would be happy if either one of them won.

But I'm afraid that the only way this battle is going to end is with them knocking each other out cold and then nothing will get done.  Again.  

I need a vacation.

There was a flood in the basement

Not a real flood, thank God.  But the kind that happens when somehow the washing machine's draining tube comes loose so that the soapy water from the load empties all over the floor.  The cement and dirty floor.  And manages to get under the water heater, which is gas, and puts out the pilot light only you don't realize it until the next morning when you go to take your shower and there is no hot water and you have no choice but to take a fucking freezing cold shower because otherwise you'll be way late for work.  

But thank all the Gods and Goddesses that you have an uncle who is the most fantastic man alive and drops everything to run right over and get your water heater heating water again.

That was my Sunday night/Monday morning.  It was fun! (insert sarcasm here)

But I brought a loaf of Apple bread to work and my office people just raved over it.  Ate it all up.  Went back for seconds, and thirds, and even fourths until there was nothing left but crumbs in the bag.  That was incredibly satisfying.

And Fall is here!  Time to permanently break out the sweaters and hoodies!  Yay!  I am well pleased with the turn of the weather.  Got lost in my head for a bit planning all sorts of scarves/hats/mittens.  Had to force myself to stop because I have way too many things working right now and I need to get something finished before I start anything new.

Sis and I play words with friends.  We somehow ended up with three games going.  For the first time ever, I'm actually beating her.  In all three games.  I'm certain it won't last but I'm loving it while it happens.  

Because it's so chilly, I'm working on Lyse's afghan (still not finished!) because it keeps my lap warm while I work!

Apathy

It's SSS all over again.  Because I can't find a pattern that I really like and everything that I think of on my own is something that I've done before and don't want to do again.  I need to make this baby blanket and I've started it I don't even know how many times.  But I just keep frogging it.  Worse than that, I have a bunch of other projects that need to get done and I just don't wanna do it.  

Later today, I need to put together a new bookshelf.  This is something that I really enjoy; building things.  I am, usually, gung ho about getting something like that done.  But I don't even want to do that.

I have a problem.

I'm usually all for working a problem and figuring out the solution.  But apathy seems to have me tight in its grip. Apathy is a relentless bastard and it does not give up easily.  I can't make myself do anything about it.

I know the only way to combat it is to make myself do something.  So, I will make the bookshelf and I will work with yarn.  Even though both things will most likely seem like a chore.

Apathy is a cruel mistress.  

Apple Update

It was rather disappointingly warm yesterday.  I mean, it was still chilly enough to wear a hoodie but I would have liked just a bit more crisp in the air.  And our favorite orchard wasn't picking at trees close up; you had to get on the wagon attached to the tractor and ride down the field.  Sis has an unnatural aversion to these things.  I'm pretty sure it's because she's terrified of falling off and getting injured.  So, instead of actually picking our own apples we just picked some up.  They have a bunch of already picked and bagged apples at their little store.  I got a half bushel of Cortlands (because they are my favorite to bake and cook with) and a peck of Jonna Gold, a peck of Crispins (my very favorite to eat) and peck of Honeycrisps.  I don't know if they grow Honeycrisps elsewhere in the country but they are so very delicious.  If it weren't for my unnatural love of the Crispin, it would probably be my favorite.  

Then I came home and took a nap.  

Then I woke up from my napping desperately needing to bake.  So, I settled on apple bread and whipped up a couple of loaves.  I had a little extra left over so I put some in muffin form.  Very delicious.  And I drank a glass of apple strawberry wine.  It wasn't too bad but not my favorite.  Some sips had a weird sort of after taste.  Maybe the apple cherry will be better?  Oh, yeah.  They sold wine too.  I couldn't pass up a couple of bottles!

And of course, my brain started thinking of characters who work at an orchard.  I told my muse to shut the hell up.    

Autumn

I love the Fall.  I love everything about the season with the passion of a thousand fiery suns.

I love the way the leaves on the trees turn such gorgeous colors and I love the way they fall to the ground.  I love crunching through the leaves while walking.  I love the smells in the crisp air and even the ones that come from crunching through those leaves.  I love the weather, how its cool and maybe even chilly but not really cold.  I love the clothes; hooded sweatshirts and jeans and sweaters with delicious cable patterns on them.  I love everything about this time of year.

But one of the things I love the most?  Apple picking!

Here in New York, apples are a really big deal.  I mean a really big deal.  NY is the largest exporter of apples in the entire United States.  And there are orchards absolutely everywhere.  And there is something satisfying about going to one of these orchards and picking your favorite kinds of apples right off the trees and filling up a bag and carting it home...

Love.  It.

That's what we're doing today.  Mom and the siblings and I are going to our favorite orchard and we're going to pick apples.

I'm so excited about it, I can hardly sit still.     

Imagination

My very active imagination sometimes runs away with me.  While it's incredibly helpful when the muse is constructing a story in my brain or the other muse is planning a pattern, it can also be exceedingly detrimental to my wellfare when it goes haywire in my real life.  When I've blown a look or a silence way out of proportion and I've convinced myself it meant way more than it actually did.  This happens a lot to me at work...when I've decided that the contemplative silence of my co-worker means that she's actually pissed at me because she had to answer the phone when it was my turn because I was away from my desk making a copy...

You see how I can get?

Of course, it then turns into a vicious cycle of me trying to be good and stay at my desk, even when I actually need to get up and do something.  And then I think, "She's not really mad, I answer the phone when it's her turn and she's away from her desk." And I've got myself convinced that it's all in my brain and then next thing I know, I'm all upset because I think she's mad again. 

Anyway, it really is all in my head and I just need to let it go. 

And I really need to figure out a pattern for that baby blanket because that baby is almost two months old.  But it has to be something that I don't hate with a vengence because if it is I'll just keep frogging it. 

And I need to stop complaining about it and just get it done. 

Maybe I'll be able to refocus my imagination into a fruitful endeavor.

More Angst

I was actually able to write some this weekend on the supernatural world I've been building for years.  In accordance with the theme, this chapter was chock full of angst.  Max and Riley had a a major issue due to some fundamental differences that heretofore have been avoided between them.  I'm not sure if the boys can repair their relationship and the thought of them breaking up for good breaks my heart into tiny pieces.  I hadn't intended it to go quite this far when I first conceived of the plot line but it's the way it needs to go for the story.  I might never forgive myself if they break up and never reconcile.  Right now they aren't officially apart, but they aren't actually speaking to each other either.

And Sadie got her magic taken from her.  I had not intended that at all.  It just happened.  I was just as shocked as everyone else.  I have a vague idea as to where it's going but we'll see how it all ends up.

And there's personal angst too.  Because this baby blanket I need to make?  I think I've started and frogged about 12 different blankets.  I hate everything I've done.  Every idea I've had.  Every pattern I've tried.  I'm at a loss.  I'm desperate for the yarn muse to make an appearance.  She's been absent lately.  

I think the writing muse has locked her in a closet.  

Good and Angsty

I like good angst in my books.  Most people in my life don't understand why.  The BFF gets it but she and I really have the same brain so it's not surprising.  I can't explain it.  When something hits me right in the gut, when there's torment and misery, when there is so much emotion it's overwhelming...ahhh.  that is what I love.

Let me be clear.  It's not Schadenfreude.  I don't get joy from other people's suffering and I don't like suffering just for suffering's sake.  No, that is badness and I veto.

But good angst?  Angst where there is a purpose and where, in the end, everyone grows and learns and overcomes?  That's good angst.  That's the fullfilling angst.  So maybe it's not the angst that I like but rather the overcoming it?  Perhaps.  But really, I love actually feeling what the characters do when I read.

Of couse, the problem is that even though I love angst and I love to read it, I seem to be horrible at writing it.  And yet, I try anyway.

Ben's in the middle of reliving some big angst right now.  I'm trying to make it feel real.

You'll Never Guess!

I actually finished baby blanket number 1!

*throws confetti*

I know, I bet you didn't think I did any actual yarning anymore!  But I do.  And I did.  And it's done.  Though I did fail in the "take a picture for posterity" department.  I mean, I have one on my phone (only because The BFF wanted to see and I snapped a quick pic before I got out of the car this morning) but I'm hopelessly dumb when it comes to things like taking pictures from my cellular device and making them appear like magic on the blog.  You'll just have to take my word for it that it's sweet and lovely.  And finished!

I, of course, still have a bunch of other projects in various states of completedness.  I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with me and my lack of ambition in that department lately.  Only that I sometimes get like this...the yarn and I have to take a break or else we would come to resent each other.  But it also unsettles me not to work on projects so before too long I always go back to my first love.  

And, also of course, I am writing like crazy.  Toby is up for reading the new stuff and I think secretly happy that the other story is on indefinite hiatus.  I really believed he liked it, but he saw the mammoth-sized plot holes too.  I'm not giving up on it completely but I will say that some stories were never meant to be.   

I...Don't..Understand...

I don't get my muse.  At all.  Not even a little bit.

I've been writing this series for years now, years, and I sort of have to go with the flow and write when the muse lets me or when she fills my head with thoughts and ideas and words.  And it's worked, mostly, even if The BFF is a little impatient for the next installment sometimes.  Okay, all the time.  But whatever. I've grown used to that.  Even if I spend time doing things that are other, her and I? We always go back to our first love.  It just takes time.  I'm not worried about that.

And then the Muse?  She plants this whole other idea in my head and I write like crazy and I lined up a beta reader this time and I think, this, this is it.   This is what I'm supposed to be doing at this moment in my life.

And then the fickle bitch of a muse cuts me off at the knees and I'm lying on the ground bleeding from my leg stumps and screaming "It's just a flesh wound!" and she says, "Too bad, so sad, baby girl.  This is not what you were meant to write.  I have this whole other thing in mind."

And I'm still lying on the ground, bleeding out, and whining that I love Jamie and Shane and please, please, please, can't I just write them?  

The muse's answer?  A big, fat, resounding no.

She gives me Nathaniel and Ben instead.  And I've been unable to silence them for days now.  And I just love them. I do.  Ben is way stronger than he thinks he is and Nathaniel is trying to get a gold medal for determination.  I'm enjoying the hell out of telling their story.  

I'm not worried about Sadie and her world.  That is something that will never die.  But I don't know what this means for Jamie and Shane.  And that breaks my heart a little bit.  

I don't know why the muse is so mean.  But I suppose I have to trust her right?

September, When it Comes

It's September.  Is everybody aware of that?!  Summer is over, for all intents and purposes, and although that doesn't mean the same thing as it did when I was a kid, there still a sort of sadness about it.  Nostalgia, I think, left over from childhood.  

I have big plans to be extra lazy today.  And then tomorrow and Monday, to really get some work done on the projects that I have going.  Well...at least the baby blankets.  I'm hoping to get one done tomorrow and the other done on Monday because I'm tired of looking at them.  I've reached that point in both projects where I'm totally over working on it.  I always inevitably reach that point with everything I make.  Even though they are super sweet, I wanna be done.  And because of that, I have a distinct apathy when it comes to actually working on them.  I'm well aware of this flaw.  I'm just not sure how to get past it.  Other than to just do it and get it done, of course.  

Got a new cell phone yesterday, an iPhone.  It's fun.  I'm still figuring stuff out and I'm terrified that I didn't put in people's numbers correctly.  I triple checked them but still...oh well.  And I will say this: it's a hell of a lot better at surfing the webz than my Blackberry was.  That will make my wait time so very much better.  

Oh!  I also wrote more than 3,000 words in the new world.  Because I don't actually plot out my books, I have a rough idea and an end result I want to reach but that's it, I'm not sure if this is going to be novella length or novel length.  I guess I will see how long it takes me to get where I need to go.  

If I get really ambitious, I'll weed and clean up the garden.  The petunias still look beautiful but the gladiolas are out of hand.  Somehow I think I won't get that ambitious ;) 
 

So anyway, long weekend filled with copious amounts of reading, writing, and yarning.  Sounds like a pretty good deal to me!